“They killed you?” Horror washed over her.
“Me, Grim, and Sai. They wanted a fresh start for the realm.”
“What happened?”
His brow twitched. “They showed up one night at the club I managed the gambling from, talking about my new fate and how I was the perfect candidate to become the god of the dead. I thought they were high or insane. I told them no, that I’d never give up my life. They pulled out their tapestry, grabbed a string, and snipped. When I woke up, I was here, alone in a pile of dirt, and everything was different.” He paused. “I realize many mortals would be elated. Chosen by thefatesto become agod.”
“You loved your life.” She remembered him saying this now, the meaning suddenly different.
“I did,” he replied softly. “I had no respect or love for the gods. I followed the customs of a follower of death, but only in rote action, never heart. I had built my life brick by brick—no one ends up at the top of a crime empire without getting their hands dirty. More than thirty years of blood and sweat over in an instant. I wanted my life back. I was furious over the loss of control. Being trapped here and destined to tend to the dead. I understood why my predecessor had revolted. They had chosen me for my unfailing discipline and sense of duty, never considering I wouldn’t feel I owed them it.”
Elysia went quiet. “What did you do?”
Aidan smiled humorlessly. “I also got drunk shortly after arriving here. Except I had managed to steal something from the fates.” He made a motion with his fingers, the silvery scars shining in the low light. “Their precious scissors. The scissors are how they change fate. Cut threads, create gods, end them. All with nothing more than some thread and a pair of old scissors.”
She steeled herself, already knowing where this was heading. “You didn’t want to be a god.”
He tipped his head. “They found me bleeding out, but they’d just replaced one god and weren’t about to do it again. They’d always planned for me to be a replacement, but the timeline had moved up, and instead of acknowledging how that had affected things, they punished me.”
She was almost afraid to ask. “How do you punish a god?”
“Same as anyone, by changing their fate.” Regret filled his eyes, and he gripped the table. “It’s still all my fault, Elysia, everything they set in motion was because I tried to avoid my duty.”
Her fingertips reached to him tentatively, grasping his arm and knowing he wouldn’t hear her if she tried to point out the fallacy in his thoughts. “What do you mean?”
“My punishment was to rule my realm alone. That I could never leave the Deathlands or find my counterpart. That I would bear the weight of a crumbling realm by myself, unable to fix it. That I would be cursed to watch my counterpart live a harrowing life, but neither of us would be able to reach the other. The singular blessing of this role is that the fates always bring the god of the dead their match. Yes, there’s the death voyage, but in exchange for rarely being able to leave or live like the other gods, they bring you love. It’s a quiet life of duty, but it’s meant to be shared and cherished with another.”
She nodded. “Where does Garrison come in?”
Aidan’s body tensed, and his chin tilted away, giving her only his profile. “The fates delivered Garrison to me while I was still in a spiral. I tended to the Deathlands the best I could with my limited power, but receiving the fated words of their punishment and watching our threads change had only made me angrier. Instead of falling in line, I stewed and obsessed over the possibilities, running the odds over and over, but it always came up the same. My fate had irrevocably changed. And then in walked this king, demanding a deal and spouting nonsense about magic beingevil and wanting to rid his kingdom of its plague. He cried and talked about his wife dying, how he had loved her. And because I’d run the odds and knew there was no hope, I decided to take one last strike at the fates, hoping to anger them enough to put me out of my misery. I went against the natural fabric of the realms and made the deal. I imagined it would be an annoying mess for them to clean up in the morning. When in reality, they had simply allowed me to make my own bed. Your kingdom decayed and so did mine. You lived every day of your life in fear of death, and eventually, I was forced to watch. Not only did I have to watch, but I got to feel you flash in, then out of my realm like a shooting star when you’d sleep, but I couldn’t hold you here, and your magic couldn’t sustain you either. Everything they’d promised came true because of me—is still coming true because of me.”
Elysia released his arm, exhaling as the story filled in. “Sometimes you sound so human.”
The more Aidan drew back the curtain on his inner world, and how he’d gotten to where he was, the more difficult it was to sustain her anger. He had undoubtedly fucked up. And she also couldn’t entirely blame him for his anger or messy actions. He’d lost his life and wanted to escape a fate he hadn’t chosen.
Aidan’s gaze drew hers back. “I mean it when I say the fault is mine. I was in my early thirties when I died, and unlike so many mortals, I loved my life. I know being a crime lord and bookie might not sound like a dream to many, but I hadn’t grown up with much, and my gift for odds had brought me into a life I wouldn’t have traded for anything. I worked hard and work was all I did. The crew was my family, and I was fine with that. It took time for me to see the beauty in my new life, and I naively thought the consequences of moving against the fates wouldn’t be permanent. But again, the fault is still mine.”
Now that Aidan was talking, she didn’t want him to stop. “How long had you been a god when Garrison came?”
“A little over a century. The longest any god of the dead hadever gone without their counterpart entering the death voyage, so I assumed they’d made good on their curse.”
“And you didn’t have your talisman.”
Aidan paused, blinking rapidly. “Any luck with that by any chance?”
She made a face. “That’s how today started. Well, it started with a hand-drawn flowchart of the volt, but then Maya showed up and explained more about ripping and transmutation.”
Clucking his tongue, he nodded. “I’d forgotten that’s what people used to call it.”
Elysia tried to scrabble together the theory she’d been stuck on all afternoon. Embarrassment made the words heavy on her tongue. “Are you a power source for me?”
Both of Aidan’s brows flew up. “How did you jump there?”
“Because I somehow traveled here while living in Kava, and I can’t think of another explanation.”
Putting an elbow on the table, he put his chin in his hand, his eyes zoning out before pulling out a small version of his usual ledgers from his jacket.
His pen flew faster than Elysia could track. “You keep a miniature version in your suit?”
