“There’s nothing to be sorry for—Iwantyou to come to me like this. The fates are going to ask more from you than you could ever expect. None of this is meant to be done alone.”
She paused. Now they werebothconfused. He kept shifting between what she had deemed his hard, no-nonsense bookie self and his reasonable, even slightly soft, accountant self. The gentle reasonableness left her vaguely stuck, unsure if she could really believe the words coming out of his mouth.
“No,” she decided. “I shouldn’t be talking to you about this.”
“I’m exactly who you should talk to about this,” he countered easily.
She kept walking backward, bumping into ledgers and stray decorative pillows as she tried to reach the door. “I’ll talk to Maya if I need to, it’s too weird for me to talk to you about him.”
“Elysia.” Aidan’s firm tone had her freezing.
“Yes?”
“You are not stupid because your ambition blinded you to his. You are not worthless because someone, who was never meant for you, didn’t choose you. That man will regret leaving you on thatbeach till the day he dies, but you don’t have to carry the weight or shame of his mistakes. That ishisburden to bear, not yours.”
It was a terrible thing not to be worth loving, but she’d already known that thanks to her parents. Topp Blatz hadn’t stopped at reinforcing how difficult to love she must be—he’d proven that she wasn’t even worth keeping alive. And yet, she had gone back to him. In the Lovestone Woods. At the Raven Ball. Hoping to erase and drown out the voice that constantly reminded her of how horrible and pathetic she really was.
Aidan’s words found the barest sliver of a crack in her armor. The quiet certainty in his words stole in through the crack and pierced the dark hollow of her chest. A single silent sob choked her. Fending it off, she shuddered. The last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of Aidan.
He didn’t say anything else. He didn’t say it was okay, or offer any of the other sweet but empty platitudes that people say. But he returned to her side, offering his steady presence, and the rhythmic stroke of his hand over her back as he pulled her into him.
With her forehead tipped against his bare chest, she allowed herself the moment, knowing it wouldn’t last.
Chapter 14
Elysia stoodin front of a mirror, strapping blades to her body. Her usual dagger just wasn’t going to be enough if she had to see Topp Blatz’s stupid face. No, she was going to need more than that. Tossing a small throwing blade into the air, she caught it easily, feeling the weight before sliding it into the chest harness she'd found in her closet. Blade after blade slid into tiny slots until the raw emptiness she’d woken with quieted, and the hardened shell of Elysia Parker, daughter of the Crown, reemerged.
She had no practice with breakups. Topp Blatz had been her first everything. Crush, kiss,almost demise. The usual events in every young woman’s life.
The closest thing she had to a relational example was her sister, and Beatriz had either slept with or swindled half the city. Rolling out of beds without so much as athanks for the orgasms, her sister used to leave people behind as if they could have been anyone or no one. Elysia wasn’t sure this was the best model to work from, but it was all she had, and treating Blatz like he was no one was better than letting him see her break. If he could leave her to die, then she could steal back the heart that he’d never deserved in the first place and be on her way.
Easy, she told herself.It was a lie she desperately needed or else her feet weren’t going to move.
Elysia glanced at the weaponry room door, knowing Aidan was waiting for her to emerge and go over the plan before she catapulted herself to wherever Topp resided. She grimaced. She’d rather get her teeth pulled out than have to discuss the patheticness of her heartbreak with Aidan. Almost crying in front of him had been a failure of her fortitude that wouldn’t happen again. No, like most things in life, she was better off doing this alone.
Scrawling out a short note, she slapped it on the knives table and traveled to see the one man she had hoped never to lay eyes on again.
“Oof.”All the air in her body expelled itself in a forceful whoosh. The familiar scent of a woodland storm and ozone cloyed her senses, while the deep voice only inches from her ear sent wary prickles up her spine.
“The dagger on your hip is about one inch from guaranteeing Kava has no heirs, so if you don’t mind…” Broad hands took hold of her waist, lifting and adjusting her slightly.
Elysia scowled, digging her elbows into his lower ribs as she attempted to lift her head only to smack it on wooden boards. Dust showered down on them both, damn near sending her into a coughing fit.
Great.She’d found him, alright. And was immediately on top of him. This was going swell.
Heartbeat a heavy thud against her ribs, its rhythm was as uneven as the rickety motion beneath them as she grasped for something, anything to say to hide how unsteady she was. She’d strapped on blades and set her court mask firmly in place, but nothing ever prepares anyone for coming face to face with the person they once loved who had broken their heart.
She hadn’t seen Topp Blatz since they’d glided past theirintended engagement and straight to treason on the Raven Ball dance floor. She’d then disappeared to the death realm with blood dripping down her neck. Elysia gritted against the twinge of hurt still lingering inside her. Betrayal was as familiar to her as breathing, and yet, she feared the prince’s may have broken the last piece of her that secretly wanted to believe in even the possibility of goodness in another human.
Brown hair askew and mirthful green eyes locked on her, the prince wasn’t bothered in the slightest by their compromised position. His lightly freckled face stared up at her, his initial surprise at her unexpected entrance fading as he waited for her to respond.
“Are we beneath acarriageright now?” As soon as she said it, all the sounds around her clicked into place. The wheels cracking against the road. Hooves clopping smoothly.
“Better question.Howin the many realms did you get here? And keep your fucking voice down.” Ear to his chest, the rumble of Topp’s voice vibrated through her.
“That’s none of your business.” She dug her knee into his groin as she squirmed, grinning when he grunted. “Now where are you going?”
“I’m getting out of Kava for a while.”
