Her sister’s face grew heated, but her eyes glimmered. A sudden coughing fit shook her frame, but she finished quietly once she was done. “Please Elysia, do not stay here. There is nothing but death. And whether it comes now or later, that is all there is for you in Relaclave.”
Elysia held very still, her heart beating rapidly in her chest. A tight pain encompassed her throat as Beatriz’s words sank in. She nodded, defeat filling her and pricking her eyes painfully. She stood and her fingers brushed over the tincture jar.
Voice breaking, she couldn’t manage to look Beatriz in the eye. “You’re right. There’s very little I’m proud of and endless things I’m ashamed of—that's why I was trying to do something different.”
Throat aching, her feet felt weighted to the floor. She glanced one last time at the tincture on her nightstand.It was a stupid plan, anyway.Kava was halfway in the grave and it wasn’t like agodwas going to suddenly care.
“If you think you can actually get me out of here without me being dragged back to the castle, then fine. Book the ticket. Set it up. I don’t care.” Gage reached out to touch her shoulder as she walked out, but she evaded his touch, aiming for the staircase.
Ripping the cloak off the still crumpled, failed, and unconscious guard, Elysia flew down the steps and disappeared out the front door. A maelstrom of emotions crashed inside her, turbulent and unrestrained now that she was free from the prying stares of Gage and Beatriz.
She was well aware that leaving like this wasn’t mature for someone her age. But her thoughts beat against each other as if it were a battle to determine which would win, and if she stayed, it would only end in words better left unsaid.
The wind cut against her face as cold as her brittle insides. One strong gust and she would be dust. Huffing, she wrenched Gage’s front gate open and strode through, pulling up her hood. Uncomfortable with the warring guilt and self-loathing raging inside her, she reached for anger. She wasn’t sure her sister had intended to be manipulative. But it felt like she had preyed on Elysia’s obvious shame, reminding her of just how spineless she really was.
Maybe they would both always be a little fucked up. Doing their best to be different from how they were raised and still likely failing in some very important ways.
The thought made her feel ill.
Beatriz’s words rang like treason bells in her head. As if she didn’t know how much her life had been dictated by the whims and desires of those in power around her. As if it didn’t kill her every time she went against her own moral compass in order to appease the Crown. Elysia let out a dark laugh, throwing her head back to stare at the evening sky. Cold air stung her nose, cooling her temper as it blew by.
She felt like a coward. The second Beatriz cornered her—she had folded. She didn’t even believe Gagecouldsmuggle her out, but she still hadn’t stood up for herself. Hands in her pockets, she kept her eyes up as if the answers were hidden amongst the faded stars. The moon stared back, wearing its usual gray veil, dulling the bit of light it might have offered.
Doubt raised its voice inside her.Because maybe she’s right. You let everyone push you around. You fuck everything up—there isn’t a chance in the realms you wouldn’t have failed. Who areyouto do something like this?
A soot heavy cloud moved fully in front of the moon, stealing the last shard of evening light. It should have been someone like Mari who could dream travel. Someone worthy and capable.
Elysia pointed her feet in the direction of further self-destruction. Face uncovered, she walked with fast heavy steps, not really giving a shit if she was spotted. She supposed that would put a nasty kink in everyone’s plans to save her sorry ass.
The sour stench of Spirit Street hit her in the face like a brick.By the gods.Remind her to never venture over here in the summer if it smelled this bad during the cold season.
She found the Salty Rim as she’d last left it. Dirty, broken, but likely to outlast them all in its squalor and glory. Bursting in through the door, she felt eyes touch on her then bounce away in disinterest. Hair tossed into a windblown bun and dressed in a thick navy blue sweater with a pair of Gage’s old trousers belted on tight, she melted into the crowd just fine tonight.
Jessa watched her approach warily beneath strong brows. “What’s gotten into you?”
Throwing herself onto a stool, Elysia ignored her question. “Drink, please.”
“There’s blood all over your cloak.”
Elysia looked down and grimaced. The undead gods knew what that man had been up to before returning to Gage’s house. Not that it took a lot of imagination to guess with that amount of blood soaked into the wool.
Elysia wrenched it off, grumbling. “Who wears a light gray cloak to kill people?”
Jessa stared openly for half a breath before finally muttering that she didn’t want to know. Reaching down, she grabbed a bottle of Kava’s cheapest gin. Its real name was Sonder’s Gin, but everyone just called it Sap because not only did it taste and smell like pine, the burn stuck to your throat long after your drink was gone. She poured two tumblers and held one out.
“You look like the trash I normally kick out of here.”
“Your tavern looks like it's one bad day away from collapsing. Somehow I don’t think mybloody cloakis going to be what ruins the ambiance.”
Jessa’s eyes narrowed, and she bent her fingers expectantly. “Payment. Now.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Elysia dug around in her pockets until she found a few loose coins. Slapping them down into Jessa’s palm, she picked up her drink with her other hand and chugged. Eyes squinting and face twisted, she fought off the cough trying to escape from her mouth. “Fuck. How does that shit get worse every time I drink it?”
Jessa smirked, walking away to help a few patrons at the other side of the bar. While she was gone, Elysia grabbed Jessa’s drink, throwing it back and choking a little as it went down. Eyes watering, she cursed.
Walking back over, Jessa spotted her empty glass and stared at Elysia incredulously. “Seriously? You’re being more annoying than usual.”
Elysia shrugged. “Yeah, well, bad news. The plan’s off.”
