“Allow me to clarify something, Lady de Reyne,” he said, standing in front of her. “I would never leave you without bidding you farewell, no matter how foolish you have behaved or no matter how badly you have hurt me. Are we clear on that fact?”
Cathlina, looking at him with big eyes, nodded. He continued. “Secondly, you are my wife. I have told you that I love you and that has not changed. I have, since the moment we met, showed you uncompromised attention and affection. I have never once intimated to you that my knightly honor was more important than you, nor do I love war more than I love you. I donotlove war. It is my vocation and it is in my blood. It is a part of me. I am sorry if this is shocking to you, but you knew beforewe were married what my true vocation was and what my plans were. At no time did I surprise you with any of this, did I?”
He was looking for an answer and Cathlina was tongue-tied. As she shook her head, weakly, he sat down on the bed and threw his arms around her. She shrieked as he fell onto his side, taking her with him. Now she was trapped in enormous arms, feeling his heat and life. His hot breath was in her face as his eyes bore into her.
“You have behaved appallingly for the past several days but I tell you now I will no longer stand for it,” he growled. “You are a grown woman and my wife, and your behavior is not befitting either position. You have married a knight and the sad fact of the matter is that knights fight battles. It is not because they want to but because they must. I do not want to leave you, but I must. Because you are the most important thing in the world to me, I must do all I can to ensure your safety and in this case it meant removing you from Scotland. It is because I love you more than anything that I do this. Am I making headway into your thick skull? I do not go to war because I want to but because I have to. My heart does not go with me because it is here, with you. I will return for my heart, and for you, because both are my world. This war I fight is because I said I would and for no other reason. Is this in any way unclear?”
By this time, Cathlina was looking rather beaten. “Mathias, I….”
He cut her off. “Tell me that you love me.”
Her features softened. “Of course I love you,” she murmured. “That is why….”
He cut her off again. “I know why,” he said. “I know the reason behind everything. Now, will youpleasestop behaving like a spoiled child who is not getting her way in all things and start behaving like the wife of a great knight who loves her with all of his heart?”
Cathlina stared at him a moment longer before offering him a weak smile. “Are you telling me that I can never again pitch a fit, for any reason?”
“Never.”
“That is not fair. I may have good reason some time.”
“If you do, I will evaluate it at that time.”
She giggled, putting her arms around his neck. Her small fingers caressed his dark head as she gazed into his dark green eyes. She relished the feel of him in her arms, his life and love against her. She couldn’t hold out against him any longer. Her anger was gone. She could no longer maintain it because her love for him was stronger than her fear.
“I am sorry if I hurt you,” she whispered. “I did not mean to. I have no excuse except this is all so new to me. I do not want anything to interfere in our beautiful world, especially not a Scottish war. I suppose I did not know any other way to react than with fear and anger.”
He was calming now that the situation between them was easing. He could only pray that she was truly seeing reason.
“I understand,” he said softly. “But tomorrow, I ride for Edinburgh and I do not want to have to worry that you are harboring resentment towards me. It would destroy me, Cathlina.”
“I would never resent you,” she whispered. “But I do worry about you. Am I not even allowed to do that?”
“Of course you can worry. But do not take that fear out on me.”
Cathlina sighed faintly. “I will try.”
“Swear it?”
“I do,” she agreed. “I… I am very proud of you, Mathias. I am proud of you whatever you do, whether you are a smithy or a knight. I told you that once before. I meant it.”
He smiled gently, cupping her sweet face with a big hand. “I know you fell in love with a smithy but ended up with a knight,” he said. “All I ask is that you trust that I will always come home to you, Cathlina. And even when we are separated, know that my heart is with you.”
“As mine is with you,” she said, running her fingers across his lips and watching him kiss her flesh. “I do love you so, Mat. I am just so frightened for you.”
“I know,” he kissed her hand and then her forehead. “But, as I said, you must trust that I will return to you.”
“I do,” she said, closing her eyes as he hugged her close. “Please forgive me for being so cruel.”
“There is nothing to forgive,” he replied into her hair. “But I will say this, I will miss you terribly. I look forward to my return more than you do.”
She smiled, looking up at him. “Will you have me remain at Carlisle while you are away or may I return to Kirklinton?”
He tucked a stray bit of hair behind her ear that was tickling him in the nose. “That is your choice,” he said. “If you wish to return to Kirklinton, I am agreeable. I am sure you want to see your family.”
“I do,” she admitted. “I miss Abechail and even Roxane. And I would like to see my parents.”
“Then you may go to Kirklinton if it makes you happy.”
