“I asked.”
Lista processed his reply, and the situation, thinking that it probably wasn’t her mother’s doing as much as it was Flora’s. The woman was sinister and manipulative, and now apparently out to control Lista’s life.
She sighed heavily.
“Surely you see that you were manipulated into it,” she said. “Surely you can see that this was a controlled situation. Louis, I will not hold you to your request. You were forced into making it.”
He lifted his eyebrows. “Is that what you think? That I was manipulated?”
“Weren’t you?”
Louis shook his head. “It seems so, but that wasn’t entirely why I asked to court you,” he said. “It was something Julian said– he told me that he would not be made a fool of andaccused you of manipulating the both of us. When I tried to explain, he refused to listen. It wasn’t so much the words as the tone… so incapable of understanding and forgiveness. So unwilling to give others the benefit of the doubt. It occurred to me that a man like that would make a miserable husband. He would make you miserable with his distrust. You told me once that you were fond of Julian and I respect that, but what I do not respect is the way Julian treated you. The way he treatedbothof us. He does not deserve you, my lady, and that is what changed my mind.”
Lista could see his logic. It made perfect sense and some small part of her agreed with him. If Julian was truly so mistrustful of everyone, she would go the rest of her life with him walking on eggshells, fearing a time when she would make him suspicious. She’d been furious at him for leaving and thinking the worst of her, but time had a way of easing that anger. She’d only known Julian a short amount of time, but in that time, he’d given her something she’d never had before– genuine interest.
But he’d also taken something from her, as well– her heart.
The realization stumped her for a moment. She never thought of her heart as something to give, as so many young women did, but that was because she’d never met a man she considered giving it to.
That had all changed.
“I understand your position,” she finally said. “And I am unhappy with Julian, too. I told Addington so. But if I remained hard and unforgiving, I would be just as bad as he was.”
Louis shook his head. “Nay,” he said. “You would be sensible.”
“I am sure you see it that way.”
“He is not coming back, Lista.”
He used her Christian name without her formal title, hoping to emphasize his point, but Lista saw it as a manipulative move. Louis wanted her to stop thinking of Julian.
It wasn’t that simple.
“What would you think of me if I told you that I could forget Julian immediately and accept your suit?” she said. “You would think I was a fickle, ungrateful creature who could give her affections away too easily. Is that truly the kind of woman you want?”
Louis shook his head. “Of course not,” he said. “I realize it will take time. I do not expect you to accept my suit tomorrow or next week or even next month, but I will tell you here and now that when you are ready, I shall be here. I will wait for you, Lista. I believe you are a lady worth waiting for.”
“How can you know that when you have only just met me?”
“Because I know a woman of character when I see her.”
Those were kind words, but Lista wasn’t sure she wanted to hear them. They didn’t give her any comfort. If anything, they made her feel hurt and confused because something in those words signified the finality of Julian’s departure.
He’s not coming back.
Perhaps he wasn’t, but Lista didn’t want anyone else. Louis was a fine knight, but she didn’t even want him at the moment. Perhaps with time that would change, but right now, her heart was with another and she wasn’t even sure she could get it back. Her only hope was that Julian would cool down enough to realize he’d been wrong and he’d come back to her. She could pray for that, but it would be difficult with Louis hanging around, trying to pull her into his world.
She only wanted to be in Julian’s world.
“I appreciate your candor, Louis,” she finally said. “But I will ask something of you.”
“Anything, my lady.”
“Please leave me. I must have time alone to think and I cannot do that if you are around.”
Louis didn’t want to hear that but the gracious knight in him had him acquiescing. “If that is your wish,” he said. “May I at least remain at Felkington?”
Lista didn’t want to be cruel, but she really didn’t want his interference. “If you promise to leave me alone until such time as I am more comfortable with your presence,” she said. “But if that time never comes, I want your vow that you shall leave Felkington if I ask it of you, with no questions.”
