Peace and tranquility were a lie.
“I thought that, too,” Addington said, still looking from the window. “At first, I did. But after speaking with Louis and Lista, I am not sure it would do any good. They are so angry with Julian and for good reason, but they do not know the Julian that you and I know. They do not know how caring and compassionate he is and how attached he becomes to people.They do not understand that he has been hurt and that he tries very hard to protect himself.”
Ashton grunted. “At the expense of himself,” he muttered. “I suppose I do not blame him for thinking the worst when he saw Lista in Louis’ arms, but a rational man would have asked for an explanation rather than run off.”
Addington looked at him. “Then you blame him, too.”
Ashton lifted his shoulders. “He acted irrationally, in my opinion.”
Addington didn’t want to hear that, not from Ashton. “Then I shall go wrap myself around Louis and let’s see how you react,” she said rather hotly. “There is no crime in Julian wanting to protect himself.”
Ashton put up a hand to soothe her. “I know,” he said. “Let’s not you and I fall out over this. We must think of Julian and what’s best for him. What do you want to do?”
Addington wasn’t quite cooled down yet, but she tried. She knew Ashton didn’t mean his comment as an insult against Julian, simply the truth as he saw it.
“I think we should return to Pelinom and tell my mother what happened,” she said, returning her focus to the courtyard below. “If anyone has any hope of convincing Julian he was wrong, it’s my mother.”
Ashton couldn’t disagree. “Your mother has a gift when it comes to counseling her children,” he said, making his way over to the window, his gaze drifting over Addington’s hair, her profile. His heart softened. “I am sorry this has upset you so. You are always so concerned when it comes to Julian. You always have been.”
Addington nodded faintly, catching sight of Louis as he emerged from one of the many doors in the courtyard. “He deserves to be happy and I think he is afraid of it.”
“Why should he be afraid?”
“Because the greater the happiness, the greater the grief,” she said. Then, she cocked her head thoughtfully. “Mayhap it is mostly the grief he’s afraid of. He’s had so much of it in his life. Even before Papa died, I remember my father saying that he wondered if his sins had brought down some of the torment Julian had to face.”
“What kind of torment?”
Addington shrugged as she thought back over the course of Julian’s life. “When he fostered, he was greatly tormented by fellow pages and squires,” she said. “Cole and Cassian were, too, to a certain extent, but Julian’s eye color difference is much more pronounced. The squires used to tell him that he had the eyes of the devil. One boy burned him with a hot piece of wood, telling him he was going to burn the devil out of him.”
Ashton sighed faintly. “Boys can be cruel at that age.”
“Cruel and hurtful,” Addington said. “Hurtful to a lad who never hurt anyone, who only wanted to be their friend. I remember when Papa was dying, he told Julian that he had greatness in him but he needed to find it for himself. I wonder if Julian even knows how.”
Ashton shook his head. “I remember that moment,” he said quietly. “The burden on Julian was so great, greater than any of us. The entire de Velt empire staggered at that moment and he was the one to take the brunt. I suppose that’s why I’ve remained at Pelinom even after my brother, Tristan, went home. Something compels me to stay with Julian. I was there for the most terrible moment of his life and I want to make sure he finds that greatness his father spoke of.”
Addington looked at him. “Doyouthink he knows how?”
Ashton sighed heavily. “I think he has a gift for making a situation difficult for himself,” he said. “Do I think he’ll ever find the greatness within himself? I do not know. But I already see it. I have for some time. In the battle against the Scots, I saw it.There is no one fiercer than Julian in battle. He truly has the de Velt gift.”
Addington could see the concern, the friendship in Ashton’s expression. She was already quite fond of the man but seeing his concern for Julian endeared him even more. Her gaze moved over him, briefly, studying the handsome, blond knight. She was fond of him, of course, but he was also her friend.
She cherished that about him.
“Is that the only reason you remain at Pelinom?” she asked quietly. “Because of Julian?”
Ashton looked at her, watching her smile and coyly look away. He fought off a grin. “God knows, it should be,” he said. “I’ve chased you up one side of Northumberland and down the other and still, you run from me. Why should I remain at Pelinom for a wisp of a woman who flirts with other knights any chance she gets?”
Addington broke down into soft laughter. “How else am I to get your attention?”
“You already have it. You have always had it.”
“I have no way of knowing,” she said. “It is not as if you have asked to court me.”
“Give me time.”
Addington lifted an eyebrow. “I willnot,” she said flatly. “You’ve had two years, Ashton de Royans, and I swear I’ll not wait one moment longer than I have to. In fact, I… now, look at that. Isn’t that Lista’s aunt?”
Something in the courtyard had distracted her. Ashton turned to see what had her attention, seeing Louis standing near the stables and Lista’s strange aunt speaking to him. The aunt seemed to be quite animated, gesturing with her hands, as Louis stood like a stone and listened.
