Julian shook his head. “Nay.”
“Why not?”
He was growing irritated. “Because I will not,” he said. “Stop asking me. Go back and enjoy yourself.”
Addington knew why he wouldn’t go to the hall. He was afraid of seeing Lista, afraid of feeling humiliated all over again. Therefore, she had to be careful in what she said to him. Beneath that hard exterior, Julian was quite sensitive.
“You did not offend her, you know,” she said quietly.
He rolled his eyes. “Of course I did not,” he said. “I’ve hardly spoken to her. How can I offend her?”
Addington eyed her brother. Julian, with the weight of the world on his shoulders, was the brother who still bore the burden of guilt about their father’s death. Cole had Berwick and he was creating his own empire while Julian remained at Pelinom, ever the good son, serving Pelinom and his mother in his father’s stead. Only it wasn’t enough; it had never been enough nor would it ever be because Julian had yet to find peace within himself. Not only had he not prevented his father’s death those years ago, but old insecurities had him firmly within their grasp. He was an unattractive freak, a man with nothing to offer any woman.
He’d learned that long ago.
Addington knew her brother was interested in women and possibly marriage because there had been at least two women that she knew of who had caught his eye. One had been a local girl who had flirted with him a little until another knight who had more of a stake in her had ridiculed and belittled Julian in front of her. That was the last time he’d ever seen her. Then, there had been a woman from Carlisle, a merchant’s daughter, who had seemed interested enough until her father had married her off to a distant cousin. Perhaps she had never ridiculed Julian, but her father certainly had. He had ridiculed the man for being a de Velt, however, and not because of his unique appearance. Still, the end result had been the same.
After that, Julian threw his attention into Pelinom and his duties there.
That didn’t leave room for anything else.
But now…
“Julian, I am going to tell you something very important,” Addington said. “Are you listening to me?”
Julian lay back on his bed, hands folded over his head as he stared at the ceiling. “How can I help but hear you?” he said. “You are right next to me.”
“I didn’t say hear me. I saidlisten.”
“I’m listening. Say what you’re going to say.”
Addington could see that his defenses were up. Julian had the strongest sense of self-preservation of anyone she’d ever known. It was going to be difficult to get through to him that way but she was going to try.
“I spoke to Lady Lista,” she said. “You did not offend her. Do you know why she left so quickly?”
“I suppose you are going to tell me.”
“I am, but I swore that I would not, so I am breaking a promise.”
“What promise?”
“I promised not to tell you that Lista thinks you are handsome.”
He continued to stare at the ceiling. After a moment, he blinked slowly. “Get out of here,” he grumbled. “You’re not funny in the least.”
Addington slapped him on the leg. “I am not trying to be funny,” she said, rather angrily. “I am breaking a confidence to tell you this and all you can do is tell me to get out? Stop feeling sorry for yourself and listen to me or you will lose this opportunity.”
He frowned. “What opportunity?” he said. Before she could answer, he went on. “Addie, I appreciate that you are trying tocheer me up, but you know as well as I do why she ran. It’s why they all run. I do not need you telling me otherwise. It is no great loss, as she can go on with her life and I can go on with mine. No harm has been done.”
“Even if I swear on Papa’s grave that it is the truth?”
That had some weight with him. He looked at her;reallylooked at her. A heavy gaze that was trying to determine just how serious she was. He had been dismissing her until this moment but they both knew that Addington would not have referenced Jax lightly.
He sighed heavily.
“What are you talking about?” he finally hissed. “Addie, I do not want to hear this.”
She cocked an eyebrow. “Why not?” she said. “How difficult is it for you to believe a woman finds you attractive? You are, you know, and I say that without guile because I am your sister and I do not need to resort to trickery or empty flattery. But if I see something– or someone– that might make you happy, I am going to tell you. What you do with that information is up to you.”
