“It’s true, Noah,” I say in a normal tone. With each word my nerves melt a little more. “I was going to tell you, but I wanted to make sure it was more than just a casual date, but Bill and I have been seeing each other for several weeks.”
When Noah speaks, his voice is thick with disbelief. “I’m lost. How? When did this happen?”
I swallow hard, but Bill answers first, “It’s nothing to make a big deal about or act all shocked. The truth is, I like your mom. I’m honestly glad you finally know.”
Shock flickers in Noah’s eyes, and he spikes a hand through his hair. “I can’t handle this right now.” He steps backward, before he spins on his heel and breaks through his friend group and heads out the door. A murmur rises from his friends, and they chuckle under their breaths and follow him out.
I watch them leaving, knowing for the first time I didn’t do anything wrong. He’s going to have to figure this out for himself, and I’m not required to change what I want to make him happy. Sure, my heart pounds in my ears, but that will settle. When Bill’s hand finds mine, we don’t say anything, and my chest lowers in relief.
“I’d better get home.” I half smile at Bill, and we step forward, heading out the door together. Something odd happens as I glance at him. Though we’ve been dating for weeks, it’s like a force takes over, sealing me further to him, and this is the most together I’ve felt. We are together in this relationship, so much so. The thing is though, a year ago, that would have scared me. It would have felt like it was dividing me and Noah, but tonight, even after Noah ran off, it doesn’t feel like Bill is here to divide.As he squeezes my hand firmly in his, it feels like we are set in place to work through this and, eventually, all grow together.
Bill stops by my car, standing back like he is content to wait until I’m inside. “Will you call me after you have a chance to talk to him?”
“I can.” I nod. “But don’t expect it to be tonight, because I’m fully expecting him to shut me out for a day or two…”
His gaze softens as he begins to say, “I’m sorry—”
“Don’t be sorry,” I cut him off, as a small grin forms on my lips. “This really isn’t about him at all. He will get used to it, and we will all get past this.”
I open my door, and he steps forward, grabbing the handle, waiting for a moment while I slide into my driver’s seat, and he closes the door for me, waving me off.
I steer out of the parking lot, feeling so much lighter than I have in a long time. Not just since I’ve been dating Bill. Relief seeps into my soul, and it’s one that I’ve been missing since Noah’s dad passed and all my grief seeped in, and I watched Noah being wrapped in a layer of anxiety. I didn’t know it at the time, but I thought it was my job to fix him. Yes, I’m his mother, and I did everything I could, but that didn’t mean I had to also stop caring for me.
My heart ticks up a beat, almost like it’s whispering to me that it’s proud. I’ve finally been given some clarity, and I’m going to be okay. Noah is going to be okay.
And if someone in my life is not okay. It’s not always my job to fix it.
The crunch of the neglected snow on my driveway tells me I’m home, and I double blink as I seem to have driven in so much of a daze, I don’t remember pulling on to my street. Noah’s car is in front of the house, where he always parks, but my emotions stay even as I open my door and plod up the driveway.
The motion sensor on the porch turns on as I walk up the step, and I open the door to Noah’s face. I’m taken back a bit to see him sitting at the kitchen table, angled in a way that he’s the first thing I see as soon as I crack open the door. His arms are crossed and his eyes flicker at me like he’s not quite able to make direct eye contact.
“Hey, you.” Oddly, I’m calm as I set my purse inside the closet and hang up my coat. Since it’s clear he’s having a hard time looking at me, I don’t pressure him by giving him direct eye contact.
“Question.” He runs a hand through his hair, as he lets out a huff. “So, when you went away last weekend, you said you went alone. That was a lie. Wasn’t it? You were with Bill, right?”
Boy, I didn’t expect him to come in this hot.
Though I’ve done nothing wrong, my chest tightens, and I reply with a simple, “Yes.”
To my complete astonishment, his gaze softens, and the tension eases as his reply comes out with a bit of a shocked chuckle, “I mean…this is messed up.”
It’s not funny, but in a way it’s such a relief to finally be honest with him. I’ve never kept secrets from him, and a humored grin pulls at my lips. His blunt honesty is strangely reassuring. “That is what I thought for a long time.” I nod, recalling when Bill first asked me out. “Trust me, I had a hard time believing it too, and in a way, I’m still getting used to it.”
His head tilts to the other side, like he’s arguing with himself. “If I’m honest with myself, I noticed something was different about you lately. You seem less stressed, and you were laughingmore, but I didn’t really think about it too much. I thought maybe it was because of my being in the AHL.”
My jaw drops as I hadn’t expected my son to be so intuitive, and I take a moment to ponder his observation, before I realize he’s not telling lies. “You know something, I feel different. I’ll admit Bill was pursuing me, and at first, I told him no because he’s obviously your boss. I didn’t want to get tangled up in your life, but it didn’t take long for me to realize I enjoy his company. He seems to always make me laugh, and maybe that’s why I’m laughing more...”
His cheeks puff up full of air, and he blows out a long breath, as if he’s still processing. “I mean, it’s your life, but it’s just...cringe.”
A nervous laugh blurts from my lips, but Noah bends his lips into a tiny grin. He rubs the back of his neck, and he shakes his head and mumbles, “Totally cringe.”
Sighing, I let out a breath.
At least he’s honest.
A mischievous grin forms on his lips as he looks up at me. “Just so you know,” he says, tone firm as it’s ever been, “I’m telling you this now. Whatever happens, I will never call Bill Baker ‘Dad.’”
Caught off guard, a snort leaks out so fast, and he chuckles. One thing about Noah and me, we’ve blazed through a whole messy life together, but we’ve always been honest with each other, and I will always appreciate how he uses humor to help break the awkwardness.
