Every late night.
Every sacrifice.
Every single thing I ever chased pushes into my memories all at once.
It all led up to this moment, and it’s overwhelming.
The doors open into my private suite. My gaze glides over the spread of food greeting me: brownie bites, wings, cheese and crackers, chips, and a fridge stocked with a full assortment of drinks. It’s enough to feed a small crowd, and my chest tightens as my mind goes to one place.Ruth would love all these snacks.She’d giggle as she’d sneak a brownie for each hand and then roll her eyes at me when I caught her.
I should smile at the thought, but it stings in the back of my throat when I look to the left. Then to the right.
There’s a big giant suite with no one else here.
Padded upfront chairs line two rows and bar tables fill the space behind them. If I had to count, it could easily fit fifty of my closest friends and family. The arena is erupting with cheers, but inside these walls, it’s stone-cold quiet.
The weight of all those missing faces presses on me.
All my life, I’ve chased one goal: winning.
I’m here.
But it feels a little hollow.
I pace to the front of the suite and grip the railing as I peer down to the ice below. The guys are skating and passing the puck in perfect warm-up drills. Pride swells for the fastest heartbeat as I continue to scan for Ruth.
She’s sitting right where I knew she’d be, behind the players’ bench, her eyes directly on the ice. My chest pines for her. It isn’t right that she’s way down there, and I’m up here like some tyrant king. It’s the most important night of all our lives, and we’re separated. My hands clench the railing tighter, but it doesn’t steady the ache in my gut.
This is all wrong.
The puck drops.
My pulse spikes the way it always does from that sound, even though it’s been years since I’ve worn a uniform. Granite Ice quickly gets the puck, and Axl, our Granite Ice center, nabs the puck and drives it down the ice.
He’s wide open.
It’s actually so perfect, I double blink to make sure I’m not daydreaming, and Axl snaps a wrister into the net.
It’s in!
We’re ahead!
My team, Granite Ice, has scored their very first goal. The arena goes wild as people jump to their feet and stomp on the bleachers. The energy is so explosive it rattles my ribs in the best way. I whoop and holler into the frenzy but even this joy is pierced by a longing…
My gaze floats over to the team bench right as Noah, who’s mostly warming the bench this game, turns around and high-fives his mom. Their smiles are endless beams of light. I grab my chest as it’s about to seize. Their celebration feels miles away, and I’m being kept from happiness.
My breath comes faster as a thousand late nights flash in front of me. All the boardroom meetings with inventories to make the money, the back-breaking renovations that I swore would pay off when I finally got paid. Here I am, all the lies I told myself hitting me harder than any slapshot ever could: winning means nothing if I’m unable to share it with the people I love.
I grip the railing until my knuckles whiten. Good thing the rail is steel. My jaw tightens as I inhale slowly and vow a silent but unshakable promise to myself; this is the last time I will be left out. That’s my girlfriend over there and her son. I will never feel this distance again.
At intermission, I head down my elevator to the ground floor where I scour the stands for Ruth. I end up finding her still in her seat, as she seems to be too nervous to move. It takes a pile of patience to weave through the crowd of people flowing in the opposite direction, toward the concessions and bathrooms. Shegives me a look filled with beautiful intensity as soon as she spots me. “Bill.” She nods, giving me a formal greeting. “How are you?”
Shaking my head, I lean in close enough that her hair brushes the side of my cheek, and I catch the faint sweetness of her shampoo. My voice drops low, meant only for her ear. “I’m ready for you to come sit with me.”
Her lips part as her eyes widen, and she gives a quick shake of her head. “I can’t. It’ll cause too much attention on us, and I don’t want Noah all confused while he’s trying to play.”
I edge even nearer, so close I could almost rest my forehead against hers. My hand aches to find her hip, but I shove it behind my back instead, curling my fingers into a loose fist to fight off the tingles rushing down my arm. “When are you going to let your guard down?” My words come out rougher than I intend, threaded with the ache of wanting to be near her and to share this amazing experience with her.
There’s a flicker in her gaze, but her expression stays firmly in place. “I let my guard down quite a bit, if you don’t recall.”
