I smile, but the question lingers in the back of my throat. I can answer most things honestly, but this one is hard. “I’ve certainly left for years and traveled. I guess when I decided to start my own AHL team, nowhere else made sense. I wanted a team filled with guys who had heart, and it led me back here…to home.”
There’s a soft beat of silence, where she studies me like she’s trying to truly understand what I just said.
Then I risk it. “Can I ask you something?”
She hesitates before saying, “Depends what it is.”
“It should be no secret by now that I like you.” I’m surprised by how easy it is for me to say this. “What do I have to do to be able to take you out in public?”
“I’m so sorry about this.” She chuckles softly. “I know Noah isn’t a little boy anymore, but I don’t want to risk anything unless I know it’s more than a casual thing.”
My chest tightens. It definitely is a sign of strength for her to choose not to date casually. I’m guessing it got lonely at times. In an odd way, our paths mirror each other’s. I dated casually, and that’s all I did. I haven’t had a single relationship that lasted more than a few dinners with plenty of beautiful women. Never once did I want anything beyond that.
Until now.
Something about doing ordinary things with Ruth makes everything better. That thought doesn’t give me anxiety in the way it would with all the other women I’ve known. It actually puts me at ease. Maybe it’s because she’s treated me so differently, not wanting anyone to see that she's friends with me. All the other women always wanted elaborate dinners out so people could see us together. It felt like they wanted my money and status more than me. This feels so different. I need her to know that. Ruth’s watching me with an expression I’d diagnose as guarded.
I clear my throat. “Do you know something?” I don’t wait for her to reply. “You’re the only woman who’s treated me like a person and not a dollar sign in a very long time, but more than that, I like who I am when I’m with you. It’s hard to explain, but it just feels right.”
For a second, she doesn’t say anything, so I take a chance, as I’m ready to show her how much I mean these words.
I lean toward her.
Right as I get close enough to feel her breath on my face, she turns her head, just a little, but it breaks the moment.
My stomach wraps into a giant knot in the pit of my gut, and I stop, letting my breath fall between us and whisper, “What is it about me that is making you so guarded?”
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “It’s not you. I know that’s the most cliché thing to ever say, but it’s so true. You’ve been wonderful. So funny, kind, and thoughtful. It’s just that it’s been Noah and me for so long. Some of the years have been so painful as I struggled to heal, and I can’t do it again. I’m terrified to let someone in because I can’t ever go through a heartbreak again. It’s the reason they call it a heartbreak, because it broke me.”
I open my mouth to argue that I understand how she feels but it’s worth it, but she keeps going. “And honestly, I’m still a little flabbergasted about why you want me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m deeply flattered, but you could have any—”
“Stop,” I say, as I dare to place my hand on her arm. “Don’t do that. Don’t sell yourself short. You’re smart. You’re strong. You’re hilarious. You’re incredibly resourceful when you’re locked in a snack closet. Maybe a little too tenacious when you want something, but it adds to the fun. You love things, even when they are old and worn out, long after everyone else has given up on them. I could go on.”
She stares at me with wide eyes.
“I get that it’s hard to trust, but I think this time it’s going to be worth it. For the record, I’m not dating anyone else,” I say. “And I’m not going to disappear the second this gets inconvenient.”
She blinks again, a little glassy-eyed now. “What do you want from me?”
I hesitate, shifting in my seat. “I want what you feel comfortable giving, but if I’m being honest, I want to give this a real shot. Like one where we tell people we are dating. Sure, it’s fun sneaking around, but I want to give you more than that.”
Her gaze avoids my face as she seems to look past me out the side window. “I don’t know,” she admits after a while.
“Okay.” I nod, thinking of something I can do to get her to see I’m not playing a game. “Then how about this?” I take a breathas I come up with a plan on the spot. “Let’s take a weekend trip together. Just the two of us.”
Her head whips around so fast it’s almost comical. “What?”
“I’m serious. I understand you don’t want to risk the rumors and all, but let’s go somewhere where no one knows us, so we can go on proper dates. Then if you still aren’t sure about me, I won’t ask to take you in public again.”
“That’s crazy.”
“It’s not.”
She opens her mouth, probably to tell me I’ve lost it, but I steal her hand from her lap, holding it steady. “Look, I’m not trying to pressure you. Everything will be on your terms and at your comfort level. Clearly, we’ll have separate rooms. You don’t owe me anything. I just want to spend time with you, where you aren’t so nervous about, you know…all the things.”
She stares at me, mouth open slightly.
“We can do whatever you want. We can shop at cheesy boutiques or play board games for all I care. Shoot, I’ll even let you win. I just want some time.”
