“You keep us waiting and lead with ‘the dog ate my’ excuse,” Axl replies. “Can’t you come up with something better than that?”
“I didn’t say he ate them. He hides things sometimes. But yeah, I’m worried he might eat them.” He slides in next to me and shuts his door. Axl pulls the vehicle forward and steers toward the road. Noah allows himself a moment to breathe. His chest seems to relax, and he looks over at me. “Morning. How is your day going?”
I’m quieter than normal when I reply, “Better than yours.”
Axl chimes in, his voice not concealing the cackle of laughter he’s desperately holding back. “Are you ready to ride in Sophie’s new Ford Lincoln Navigator?”
“What? I don’t understand the joke.” Noah looks at him, and then cuts a gaze at Sophie. “Isn’t this a Navigator?”
Axl’s shoulders visibly bounce, but he’s tough and doesn’t leak out even a snicker. “Don’t bother explaining it.”
“I’m confused.” Noah looks back at me.
“So are the rest of us.” I resist an audible laugh, as I hate to make fun of people, even though it is in good fun.
“Okay then.” Noah leans back in his seat and proceeds to tap his foot.
“So, Paisley,” Sophie says, steering the conversation in a new direction, “I’m excited you could make it. The guys go everywhere together. I’m glad to have another female along to even it out.”
“Oh, yeah, before I forget.” Noah leans in, a teasing gleam sparking out of his eye. “Bill needs to make sure you aren’t a Palmer City Voltage fan.”
“The Voltage?” I give him a side-eye, and my body stiffens as I have no idea where this is coming from. “No, I can’t say I am. I don’t have anything against them, though.”
“You’re dating this girl, and you don’t even know what her favorite hockey team is?” Axl heckles.
“I said we are newish,” Noah quips back, but his gaze lingers on me. “Of course, her favorite team is Granite Ice.”
“You guys are certainly wearing off on me.” My lips pull into a squeamish smile as all I can think about is how I first came to Mapleton to destroy this team. Now they are welcoming me on an all-paid-for trip. What would they say if they knew what I was originally up to? I resist the urge to hang my head because that would be all too telling of my shame. My fingernail finds its way between my teeth. I nibble at it, so much guilt washing over me.
I can’t change the reason I came here.
I also am not going to not live my life, hiding in shame.
I argue with myself that it’s in the past. I can’t change it, and I might as well move on from it and enjoy the trip.
“Do you guys want to watch a movie?” Sophie calls back, while handing a remote to me. “In the spirit of Valentine’s weekend, I grabbed every single romcom I have.”
“Great.” Axl groans out. “Glad I’m driving.”
My gaze shifts to Noah, and he’s untriggered. “Are you watching or sleeping?”
“I just woke up. I don’t need a nap.” He crosses his arms over his chest, as if he’s preparing to sit a while. “I’ll watch it with you.”
I settle in, pulling a leg under me into a more comfortable position. I turn my attention to the screen in front of my seat, and I turn it on with the remote. Some previews flash on and I try to pay attention. It only takes a moment, and my gaze slides back to Noah. I remember how I accidentally snuggled with his arm on our last road trip. Warm feelings return, and I can’t help but wish we could scoot a little closer as the movie previews roll.
His leg is doing that restless leg thing, but he’s tuned into the screen.
Axl gets on the interstate, and I'm overwhelmed with the feeling of belonging. Everyone is treating me like we're a friend group, and it's oddly emotional since I've never really had this before. I try to get into the movie but as soon as it’s quiet the niggling in the back of my head says I should be ashamed to even go on this trip after all I did to hurt these guys. My brow bends down, as I don’t know why this is bothering me so much now. I’m supposed to be having fun. Everyone is joking and laughing, and I can’t shake the feeling that this is a terrible idea to go on this trip. As much as I want to have friends, I don’t deserve to have these guys as friends. Chewing on my thumbnail again, I force my attention to the movie, and I tell myself repeatedly thatit’s only one night, and I leave Mapleton next week. It can’t be that bad . . .
With the sun in full bloom over the mountains, we arrive at the ski resort less than an hour later. The air is brisk, springing me wide awake as we plow through the new snow, skis and poles in hand, and we pause to gear up.
Sophie and the guys all grab snowboards and seem to flawlessly slip into their brand-name ski goggles. Axl and Sophie glide over the snow, heading out to the lift. I’m the only one who struggles to remember how to snap my boot shut. It takes me a few tries of jabbing my toe into the binding and leaning all my weight back until I hear the heel click. “Finally.” I look up, and Noah is waiting. “Sorry it took so long.”
“It’s not a race. We’re here all day.” He pushes off with his free foot to slide over the snow toward the lift. I follow behind, shuffling my feet forward, but can’t seem to get moving. The packed snow beneath the powder proves slippery, and I’m stuck in one place.
“Try bending your knees,” Noah calls back from up ahead, where he pauses again to wait on me.
I feel like a penguin as I shift my weight from one ski to the next. There’s no way I even remotely look like I know what I’m doing. Laughter spirals in my gut as I ski-waddle on. “Sorry, it’s been years since I skied. I don’t remember it being this hard to get going.”
