He slips one foot in front of the other, slowly sliding my way, but his expression softens, and at least for right now, I gather his temper has cooled. When he glides to a perfect stop on theedge of the ice, squaring his body with mine, I hold my breath. He doesn’t mince words. “I knew something was off last night. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to kiss you, but I could tell you weren’t completely comfortable. Your timing was terrible. And everything was rushed.”
“You knew! Then why did you kiss me?” I blurt. “Why did you say all that about how it changes everything? Because I believed it!”
“I thought you were just being silly.” He threw his hand up, cutting me off. “And that’s why I warned you. I was confused about how you made that leap. I thought you were bluffing or something, but when you accepted my terms, that’s when everything changed. Everything changedbeforethe kiss. You stopped being uncomfortable and goofy, and we connected. I just can’t believe you’d play me like that, because you ruined something that could have been amazing by destroying my trust before we even had a chance to try.”
“I destroyed your trust,” I echo, my voice losing strength as my worst nightmare is coming true.
He pulls one side of his lips up in a cocky grin as he spins on his heel, skating farther from me. “I’m curious how much a kiss from me goes for.”
“I would never put a dollar amount on it,” I say, my tear-stained words following him. “I’m so sorry, Axl,” I cry out. “I never meant to hurt you, but I also never expected these emotions to be so strong, and I promise I’m not faking it anymore. Will you forgive me?”
“No.” His single word echoes into the night air.
Panic pounds through my chest, engulfing my heart, but he’s skating far away without even sneaking a look back. In an odd way, I understand his betrayal, because I lived betrayal with Rocco. I just never thought I’d be capable of causing this. I fight to maintain my composure. This is nobody’s fault but my own."I understand," I reply softly, but deep down, I can’t ignore the aching in my chest. For the tiniest glimmer of a moment, I fooled myself into believing that I would be happy this time.
With my heart in my throat, I sulk back to my mom’s car, but I can’t shake the dejection that clings to my heart like a steel cloak. Once again, I’m returning home to Mama with a broken heart.
twenty
Sophie
Unable to sleep, I roll out of bed early and curl up onto my papasan chair like I did when I was a teenager. It’s a good thinking chair. As I scan my poster-clad wall, I don’t find anything to provide comfort. Too bad I didn’t have a little lapdog or something to keep me company while I’m feeling down and lonely.
Loneliness is new to me.
I’m usually too busy for loneliness. If I’m honest, I’d say I’m also feeling shame over how I misused Axl’s trust. I can’t even cry about feeling hurt, because it really is all my fault for being so stupid to think it was okay to trick him. As I replay the moment when he gave me his jersey, I remember how his whole face was lit up in adoration.
Neither one of us was acting.
The thing is, I didn’t know we’d catch those kinds of feelings for each other after just one kiss. We’d been hanging out for days, and although the attraction was there, we’d been ableto keep everything professional. Then he flipped some sort of switch where, as soon as we crossed that boundary, he treated me as his princess, and I believed it. I’m so dumb. I smash my palm on my forehead, wishing for a do-over just as my phone vibrates. I don’t need to check before I answer. “Morning, Bails,” I sing out gloomily.
“Man, do you sound terrible,” she teases. “Were you out all night celebrating with your boyfriend?”
“No.” I’m monotone, not trying to hide my sorrow. I might as well end the charade now, as Axl’s not going to want to hang out with me anymore. “I think we broke up.”
“Oh, Soph, honey, I’m so sorry. What happened?”
“Nothing really happened.” I start to recite the lines we’d rehearsed about our breakup since day one of this thing. “We had so much fun together, and it was a bit of a whirlwind, but we decided neither one of us is ready for a relationship. I wish the best forhim.” My voice squeaks as I roll my bottom lip in. I don’t know why this sucks so bad. I knew it wasn’t real from the beginning.
“Oh, girl, you say it’s nothing, but you sound so heartbroken. I’m so sorry.”
I bite harder on my lip, unable to squeak out an argument. Tears prick my eyes, and I fight the urge to cry out about what a loser I am to have messed this up so badly. I know better than to deceive people like that. I deserve every ounce of heartbreak I get.
“I suppose this is a good time to tell you that I have fantastic news.”
“You do?” I sniff and slightly perk up.
“I got a check from Bill. He said it was for some marketing campaign you’ve been helping the team with. I have no idea what you’re doing, but boy is he generous. It’s amazing, and it’s enough to cover everyone’s bonuses and more.”
A knot bubbles in my throat. That’s not good news! Bill isn’t supposed to pay me. I can’t spend that money. Now, I’ll have to come up with some excuse about why I need to give it back, and the lies will never end. This is the exact opposite of good news.
“Are you still there?” Bailey peeps out in a softer voice.
“I am. Maybe I’m a little more overwhelmed than I thought I was about everything.”
“I bet. You’ve had a crazy couple of weeks. I don’t suppose you heard about Rocco?”
My brain slams into what feels like another realm. I haven’t even thought about him, and it feels weird to hear his name. “What girl is he on the beach with this week?” I honestly couldn’t care less about him at this point.
