My mind is a ping-pong match, pulling me in all directions.
I guess . . . I work harder to get the money from somewhere else.
Maybe delay the bonuses?
They will understand that, right?
I’m sure that will be fine.
But then back to Axl.
Does he have to know I tricked him?
I dig my teeth into my bottom lip, but that only makes me remember how it felt to have our lips tangled together. Kissing him was everything I imagined and so much more. The way his soft lips folded into mine, tucking and pulling in the gentlest way.
When I close my eyes, I can almost feel it happening all over again, and I never want to forget this feeling.
I faceplant into my pillow and suppress a scream. Part of me wants to squeal like a middle school girl who just had her first kiss but the other part…is so disappointed I didn’t do better.
What do I do now?
I wake up early and barely have one eye open when I spot a text from Axl flashing on my phone.
AXL: Good morning, beautiful.
So much guilt tsunamis over me while all the butterflies flutter to gather in my gut.
How can I experience two polar-opposite emotions at the same time? I cringe. Rocco and I dated for two years, and he never sent me a sweet good-morning text like that. How can this super sweet guy be right in front of my face this whole time, butI missed himuntil I’ve went too far?
I want to text back, letting him know I’m thinking about him, that I haven’t stopped thinking about him, and if I add any more thoughts to the already humongous pile of thoughts, my head will explode. As much as I’m ready to put all this fake dating behind me, there’s a niggling in the back of my head that says you haveone chanceto be honest before it gets out of hand. It’s a mere misunderstanding now. Fix it before it blows up and you destroy any real shot you have to be together.
I stare at my phone.
I mean . . . that’s so lame to say all that, especially in a text message.
He understands all the fake-dating stuff already.
Most of it.
I hug my pillow tightly against my chest, as if it has the power to help me come up with a solution. I weigh my options. Even if I do tell him everything, it’s best not to tell him over a text. Instead of blabbering out my confession, I play it safe.
Me: Good morning. You’re up early.
Axl: I get up at five to practice . . . gotta be there two hours before everyone else.
Axl: But it’s not like I slept. I kept thinking about our kiss.
Giving up, I drop my phone and facepalm my forehead. He wasn’t kidding that everything changed. He’s not even pretending to be cool about his feelings. I take another breath, but it does nothing to cleanse the quakes in my stomach.
Me: I’ve been thinking about you, too.
Almost simultaneously another text comes back.
Axl: I want to see you. Can you come to our home game tonight?
I’m about to typeyes,when I pause and remember Bill saying he didn’t want us to have any more public appearances. But he didn’t really mean I couldn’t come. He meant he needed something else to prove our relationship, right?
I want to go.
