It wasn’t even exhaustion of my body. I’m getting my eight hours of sleep, actually sleeping better than I had in years, but this exhaustion was in my spirit.
I was tired of losing out, feeling the compression so hard in my chest.
I was tired of pushing.
It’s not like I was giving up on life, or anything.
I was just mentally capped out.
It was a silent battle in my head, and I’d hidden it. Mostly because I stayed away from everyone.
If anyone knew how wrecked I was, they wouldn’t want me around. Not that there's anywhere for me to go. There's no doctor on the planet that can cure what I had.
But I put my boots on every morning and poured my heart into my work.
Thankfully, the farming had never been better.
King D’Long had invited me to participate in a pilot program, which he finessed just for me. One where I was managing all the royal farmlands’ crop rotation and was now on the payroll. Part of me wondered if it was Erralee’s plan. The other part thought maybe he had guilt. Either way, it kept my mind busy, spending long days in the field.
With the extra money, I started a fund for a new barn for Hank. Next year, I’d add another horse, so he would have a companion. It wasn’t much, but I learned I didn’t need much.
The wind softened, twisting around me. DeJa’vu washed over me as I glanced toward the field. I blinked but failed to focus. My eyes knew her, but all I could hear was my heart pounding out,I’ve found you. My brain didn’t even know what that meant. But my soul seemed to know what was happening. Erralee crossed my field, wearing a straw hat, jeans and boots. An oversized white button shirt hung over her jeans and blew in the wind. I blinked several times, waiting for the mirage to go away but it only came closer, and more into focus.
“Hey cowboy,” she called out, “I’m ready to work.”
“Is that so?” I tilted my head, not quite sure of what game she was planning while still in disbelief over what I was seeing. “Well, you’re in luck because I’m in need of some good help.”
My heart pounded against my rib cage, warning me not to be fooled. Before I could check my words, I found them tumbling out, “Are you here with King Aswell?”
Without missing a beat, she nodded her understanding of my question. “No, I'm here for someone else.”
My lips smashed together, steadying the tremble in my jaw. I wouldn’t say my heart had hardened, but it had learned a lessonabout letting people in. Her words dangled in the wind, as if they were testing me.
“I ah, didn’t get married.” She looked at me with wounded eyes, but somewhere in the corner there was a glimmer that lit her expression with something I could only call hope.
I coaxed my head to the side, trying to hear that again. It was forward. Direct and didn’t need an explanation. “Is that so?”
A joyless laugh sliced through the silence, and her voice unstable, cracking as it pitched higher. “I was scared. I thought I might miss out on a regular life.”
My chin dipped, my body receding as I knew this was too good to be true. She came back to her field, because it was her field, it had nothing to do with me—
“And I hope it’s not too late, but I was scared to miss out on a chance with you.”
My brow bunched, my gaze fixed on her, seeking clarification. My heart rate picked up a notch as we both locked our gazes on each other. The connection that soared though my brain nearly buckled me.
“Erralee,” I said, my words grating like stone on stone. I had started walking forward, but now I was nearly running, not stopping until I had her in an embrace.
“Am I too late?” Her voice crackled as if she was fearful for her life.
This wasn’t a time for words.
I lifted her into a shoe-off-the-ground embrace, and Erralee’s arms flung around my neck. She fell against me, and the coy smile that graced her lips pressed into my lips, the warmth of her skin on mine buckled my knees, completelyundoing me.
Epilogue
My hand glided down the grand staircase banister rail as I kept my eyes glued to the doorway.He was here!I was able to jump down the steps, skipping every other one because I had slipped tennis shoes on under my dress, a compromise I made with Mother. I still wore the princess gowns for royal affairs, but in an effort to continue to practice making my own decisions, I refused to restrict myself to uncomfortable footwear. Mother and I adopted an out of sight, out of mind rule. If she couldn’t see it, she couldn’t make a rule about it. I committed to never letting a toe peep out from under my gowns. She committed to never pointing out how much shorter I had become.
I wouldn’t say we’ve grown together. We also still don’t really understand each other. However, we’ve formed a sort of mutual respect that I appreciated. Today, she and my whole family stood back against the great room wall, waiting for me to greet my guest first. I jumped the last two steps in one giant leap forward. So eager to get to the door first, I whipped it open withoutchecking out the window to confirm who it was. I knew it was him!
