He crossed the room, setting the time while checking the digits on his wristwatch. “Let’s hope it stays on.” Turning back to me, his brows knitted together. “Sorry, I was outside so long. I wanted to get as much snow moved as possible before dark. How are you?”
“I rested most of the day, watched out the window—” I tried to brush his apology away, but he spoke over top of me.
“I wasn’t asking what youdid. I knew there was nothing to do. I asked how youare.” His brows angled down in a manner that commanded me not to dismiss his question. It’s as if he suddenly had a special power to see through me. I didn’t have a choice but to be honest.
I didn’t dare tell him how I was massively confused and rethinking everything. I didn’t understand how I’d been single forever. Now that I was engaged, I found zero attraction to the man, but I got weak in the knees when I was near another. I also didn’t dare tell him I felt the attraction seed days ago, but being stuck here with him made my mind wander in the most curious ways. I never saw him with another woman. I didn’t think he was playing me by buying me roses. Nothing added up.
I also didn’t tell him that once again, I was scared to run away. My mind had been awakened to the fact that I knew nothing about how to take care of myself. My brain was a pool of confusion, and as the silence expanded it was so loud it eventually drowned out all my thoughts, and we were leftstanding there. Heat flushed my skin, and my fake smile was brittle.
He paced a step closer, lowering his gaze as if he was looking for physical signs of illness. Still, no words were spoken, and I watched him watch me. It was as if we were dancing without touching; an invisible deafening void of audible words rang so loud, it made my knees weaker with each breath. I felt as if he could see right through me. “I’m fine,” I finally murmured with weakened breath, completely aware of the effect of his heated glare.
As if he couldn’t handle standing in the pulsating silence for another moment, he tore his gaze from me and moved to the cupboard again. “I don’t trust anything in the fridge anymore.” He pursed his lips and grabbed a box of pasta and some marinara sauce. “How about Italian?”
“That’s perfect,” I breathed out, wondering why something so simple as dinner plans suddenly made me feel as if my heart was on display. It was an odd sort of date, that wasn’t a date. Forced dinner together. It was the nearness to him. Seeing him at home, doing everyday things. Who would think cooking with someone would feel like this? How did I not know what normal life was until now? It was more intimate than expected, allowing me to see the real him.
Even if I didn’t want it, he was probably getting a dose of the average me. Someone nobody ever got to see. I never went anywhere without dresses, hair, and the royal façade. My father would hit the ceiling if he saw me standing in this kitchen wearing some guy’s shirt.
But strangely, it felt more right than anything I’d ever experienced. I pulled on my lips, hoping to crease them enough into something that could pass for a smile. It wasn’t that I was unhappy, because there was a seed of something so light andgiddy in my chest, I couldn’t deny it. Unfortunately, there was an underlying knot swelling too, competing for attention.
Don’t even think about Reeves. It’s an impossibility. My father will have both of our heads.
seventeen
Reeves
One bonus to all this snow, it brought a clean water source right to my step. I carried our pasta—which I made with melted snow water—to the couch. It was good enough for me, but I’d never entertained royalty before, and the improvisation made me feel like total riffraff.
Ever since I had returned from chores, Erralee had acted a little out of character. I told myself she was nervous about her move, but she kept looking at me, parting her lips, as if there was something deeper. Maybe it was my imagination—or even my desire—but I’d seen that look before. Not from Erralee, but from another woman I’d dated. Sure, it’d been a while, but it’s the sort of look you didn’t forget.
I kept checking out the window, hoping to see the snow stop.I need her gone.I was out of my mind to invite her to stay here. It’s not like I had an option not to invite her. It was an emergency. However, seeing her in my kitchen, and snuggling in on my sofa, brought thoughts into my head, that in normal circumstances would be fine.
Attraction is fine.
Normal.
Attraction to a woman who is engaged is not good.
In this situation, that attraction would be lethal.
Erralee is off-limits.
My scowl grew as the wind had picked up. Again. Snow flooded out of the clouds all at once, as if someone had pulled a giant plug. I glared out the window, praying for a sunray. Nature only mocked me with a huge blast of snow slamming the window, making it impossible to see out.
“Mmm.” I grinded down on my bottom lip. I was going to suffer dearly for this.It’s just a crush. I took my first bite of pasta, swallowed, and forced small talk. “It’s going to snow until around midnight, then it should let up. If they keep the roads open, you should be able to leave tomorrow.”
Her chin tilted away from me. I immediately realized how that sounded like I was rushing her. “But you don’t have to leave,” I added quickly. “I’m not forcing you out.”
But you really do need to leave . . . soon.
“I do.” She hovered her fork above her bowl. “I’m surprised Father hasn’t had someone come by already. He’s not usually one to take being crossed lightly. Hence this stupid two-year war.”
My conscience was conflicted in so many ways. She was capable, and resourceful. I disagreed with what her father had done. She had a right to live her life, but I doubted she understood she was putting herself in danger by running away. People might end up hating her, once everything comes to light. As I thought about the violence people were capable of, my pulse quickened. I was afraid for her. “But you still don’t know where you are going to go, do you?”
“Yeah.” She swallowed her pasta, and tacked on, “You were right about America.”
“Okaaay,” I stretched the word out to make it a complete sentence. Her innocence about everything was a bit perturbing. “And how will you get there without blowing your cover?”
“I’m telling you this in confidence.” She leaned closer, even though we were the only two people. “I’m going to leave at night, and go to Weston’s mom’s house. She used to be my nanny, and to be honest, I trust her more than my parents. I’m going to have her lend me Weston’s birth records, and some clothes for a disguise. We’re the same age and height. I can cut and dye my hair. Then I’ll take his records to get a photo ID and use that to fly commercially. If I know Father, he would have checked with her already. So, I’m sure her place is clear—”
