She sobbed into my shoulder, and let my fingers caress her long strands of hair until she was out of tears. What I didmanage to say when she finally lifted her face was, “Whatever you decide, you have an amazing destiny to fulfill, and I’ll be cheering you on from the sidelines.”
She blinked in rapid succession, but before she could say anything, the door opened again, and the butler stood intrusively close to us. Her gaze floated to him, and then back to me, and she squeaked out, “I’d better go in.”
My feet cemented until the door banged closed behind her, a piece of my heart crumbled in the echoes of the slam.
twelve
Princess Erralee
Thankfully, Father was in his study with the door closed. Cigar smoke wafted from under the door, and I’m sure he was deep in his glass of scotch and his staring contest with his fireplace flames. I didn’t dare make a sound as I tiptoed past the door. Seeing him again tonight would make this much worse. I swiped away my tears and went looking for King Aswell.
It was time to follow through.
I understood we were in an era of war, and I could never pursue selfish desires. I was here to serve a higher purpose. I now see how Reeves was put into my life to show me that. He selflessly fought in this war, giving a limb for his country, not even knowing if he’d live. I can move to another castle. It would mean I’d have to deny these budding feelings for Reeves . . . but we were always an impossibility anyway.
It was time for my mission to begin.
I found King Aswell exactly where I had predicted in the library, with an open book on his lap and a tablet glowing by his side, opened to a news website. I stood in the doorway watchinghim for a long moment. His long face was shadowed from looking down. Would I ever be able to look at him with anything more than a cringe? I didn’t want my heart to be this hardened. Maybe under different circumstances, that hadn’t felt so out of control, I would have felt more comfortable, but everything about this agreement was wrong.
My chin quivered, and I grasped the door frame, steadying myself. There was no turning back now. Had I been brave enough earlier, I could have avoided the recent war surge. Everything felt as if it were riding on me. Swallowing the last of my selfish dreams, I stepped forward into the room.
Just as he turned the page of his book, his gaze shifted. Immediately he rose to his feet. “Erralee, what a nice surprise.” When I didn’t say anything, because I was too busy choking on my tears, the corners of his mouth bent, and he took a step forward. “What’s wrong?”
I shook my head, letting my gaze float up in total avoidance as I blinked back the sting in my eyes.I’m such afool. I’m a princess in a castle with everything I could ever want. I fought back spoiled tears. Tears that said I didn’t want to help my people live. It was really that simple. I had a chance to save lives.It wasn’t about me.Placing a hand on my chest, my throat heated as if it was preparing for the lies. “I heard about the ambush.”
“Yes. It’s getting close to home.” His chin raised thoughtfully into a melancholy expression. “Your father and I have been studying strategies.” The lines on his forehead caved deeper, but they didn’t look unattractive. Just weary. Suddenly, I understood him and why he was the way he was, with his books and his serious ways. He was smart. A leader who had built one of the strongest armies, and he was prepared to help my father. He was the kind of man history books were filled with.
I bit my lip, ready to speak, but my mouth wouldn’t open. Every nerve in my body stood in alarm, screaming at me that something was off. This offer was too good to be true, and it wasn’t my path.
“You’re shaking,” King Aswell said after I failed to say anything. His chin dipped sympathetically.
“I’m scared.”
He stepped forward, erasing most of the space between us. Lowering his gaze, He trapped my eyes and a spiral of fear ripped through my body. “You don’t have to be afraid.” Opening his hand, he reached out to me.
My feet froze to the floor, which was the best thing that could have happened, because they stopped me from fleeing. I had finally run out of fighting spirit. “And if I don’t love you right away—” My voice dropped off because the air from my chest gave out. I wasn’t prepared to feel I was dying when I was trying to save lives.
His eyes held mine, and in the soft glow of the library, they were warm and kind. I held onto that as the hope that someday, I might remember this moment and laugh at how silly I had been.I am marrying a king, after all. It had to work out . . .
“One day at a time,” he whispered.
I swallowed again, but the knot didn’t budge. It made taking a deep breath impossible, and I was getting lightheaded. He reached his hand out further, brushing his finger with mine. I held my breath as I slipped my hand in his. He brought it to his lips and placed a kiss on each of my fingers. His lips felt dry and scratched my fingertips, but I didn’t stiffen. Instead, I felt a tiny bit of relief as I was now finally confident this war could be won.
We would have peace.
That’s the only thing that mattered.
He let my hand go, and he smiled at me warmly. “Can you call me Jon?”
“Jon,” I echoed, barely getting the word over the knot in my throat. It definitely didn’t roll out smoothly and stuck in my heart like a giant hardened spitball. I took one more swallow. This time it was more of a gulp that finally broke past the lump. I was mostly numb by now, enough so I could speak about my fate. “I will marry you, Jon.”
His eyes moistened in the corners in a way that surprised me. “I promise to do everything I can to make you the happiest woman in the world.Ourcountry will be proud to have you as Queen.”
I believed he spoke the truth, but I felt nothing but impending doom.
My path was marked.
“It’s late in the evening,” I squeaked out. “If it’s okay, I’d rather we chat more in the morning when I’m fresh.”
