“Thank you.” I glanced at my bed, finding the red satin dress I had gotten last Christmas. Never in a million years would I select that one for tonight. It was too formal, not to mention more of a ball gown. With this war raging on forever, I didn’t feel as if I could celebrate anything. Not even my engagement tonight. I’d feel best in black. “Is there a reason you need to leave?” I called over my shoulder, hoping to catch her before she went downstairs. The red dress told me she understood tonight was special. Why wouldn’t she help me with my hair?
She stopped on her heel, and took a couple of steps back, speaking quietly, “I had my hours cut. I volunteered time tonight because this dinner is important. I got everything set out for you.” She tugged on her lips, pulling them into an obviously forced smile. “Perhaps Ruenella can assist you.” She motioned down the hall toward Ruenella’s suite. “Why don’t I check with her before I leave?”
“Sure.” I hesitated in the hall, watching her leave then I eyed my red dress from the doorway. My world was splitting in two. Everywhere around me people were asked to make sacrifices. I didn’t doubt Margarette’s hours were cut to save money, which was not fair. She has worked here since I was a baby. Reeves even lost his hand for this stupid war. Here I am scowling at a red dress. Was it really that much to sacrifice for what I’d gain? My friends and family could go back to a normal life. Where’d they feel safe again. I don’t even remember the last time I could breathe normally without this stupid lump in my throat. Everything was changing so fast.
I sighed, not heavily. It was quiet. Serene. Maybe I was finally getting used to this idea? I went inside and dutifully got ready. When a knock sounded on my door, I hoped it was Margarette to inspect me. Instead, Ruenella plowed through the door with a ginormous smile.
“You!” she called in a teasing tone. “You did not just bring a date to dinner. Father is going to lose himself.”
“He’s not my date,” I assured her, trying my best to sound bored with this as I fluffed my hair. “He’s the neighbor who gave me a ride home. Father already knows because he’s the one who invited him. Not me.”
Ruenella’s smile pulled so wide she squealed. “Are you blind?” she gushed. “He is so good looking. You are sure to make King Aswell jealous.”
I tugged the brush through my hair, cringing through the tangles. “I’m not trying to make anyone jealous. Again, Father invited him, and I honestly didn’t think that much about it. Remember, I’m getting engaged tonight.”
“You should have thought about it. Things are getting interesting. Father is downstairs asking Reeves war strategies questions.”
“Wait!” I turned to her, my jaw almost hitting the floor. “Reeves is already downstairs with Father?”
“Yeah, that’s where I saw him—”
“Oh boy,” I murmured. They didn’t need to be kept separate. I had only assumed I would be in the room when they talked. Father put on a strong front, but his mental health was much too fragile to risk any direct questions about the war. Reeves was a vet, but I didn’t know his opinion about that stuff, and I’d assumed since he lost a hand and all, it might not be the most favorable. I set my brush down on my vanity. My hand hovered over my tube of lipstick. Mother always insisted I looked better with the finishing touch of lipstick. Not the red one, that mademe look cheap. Her words, not mine. It was totally messed up, and as if all my nerves were bundling over with everything I’d been through this week, my fingers trembled above the tube of lipstick, refusing to touch it.
It had somehow become a symbol of everything they forced me to change. I’d never be perfect enough for my family.
I checked over my shoulder. Ruenella was already headed toward the door with her back toward me. With one swift motion, I bumped the tube, and it rolled forward over the edge of the vanity, getting lost between the wall and the piece of furniture. Then I spun on my heel, heading for Father’s study. “I’d better get down there before things get out of hand.”
I scurried down the hall, slipping my shoes on as I went since I wasn’t allowed to be barefoot when we had guests. It was another one of the dumb royal etiquette rules. It seemed petty, but it was my least favorite rule. I can understand not chewing with your mouth open, or waiting your turn to speak, but having to hear high heels when you’re in your own home is absurd.
I slowed as best as I could, trying to quiet the click of my heels on the marble floor. Father, King Aswell, and Reeves were all seated in a circle on the leather chairs in Father’s study like they were part of some boy’s club. Thankfully, they didn’t hear me approach, and I listened from the door unashamedly, trying to go unnoticed.
“It’s not just about the air support,” I overheard Reeves say, his entire demeanor and appearance altered. Davis had dressed him in a navy suit, the perfect color to saturate the spark in his eyes. He was all the way across the room, but I could tell his eyes were blue from here. I tried ignoring the pitter patter in my chest that should not happen. “All your air support is doing is dropping bombs. You need more ground troops and more medics, he continued. “I laid out in the field for two days waitingfor rescue. I would not have lost my comrade if you’d had your men supported.”
My hand flew to my chest. I did not think Reeves would do this! He’s laying into Father, expecting him to take accountability. Father does not take accountability! Not in public anyway. This was only going to add more stress to him. He knows he is failing. He certainly did not need guilt laid on him now. I loudly cleared my throat, announcing my position, and waited for their eyes to shift. They all stood, instantly silencing.
“I see you didn’t waste time getting to know each other.” I slid one foot in front of the other into the room, trying to sound casual. My eyes paced the room as I wasn’t sure where I should stand. King Aswell and I were getting engaged, but it did not feel natural to stand by him. I was most comfortable near Reeves, but that would have been inappropriate. As much as I despised Father, I stopped nearest him.
“Why, yes,” Father’s voice was loud, as if he was proclaiming pride, but he couldn’t hide the tremble from me, revealing the tension. “I will always remember Reeves for his brave service. Now he's our neighbor. I’m very humbled to have him for dinner.”
My gaze bounced to King Aswell, expecting to see a confused, or perhaps worried expression. He was stoic. He appeared to be the kind of man who had bold confidence and didn’t get jealous. Not that he had anything to be jealous about . . .
Reeves pinned on a crooked smile as he beamed back at me. I bet it was a surreal moment for him. Father tried hard to be mostly approachable with the townspeople to keep his rating. Still, he didn’t make it a habit to dine with them. Not at the castle anyway. Of course, Reeves being a veteran gave him an elevated status.
“Let’s not bore the princess with our talks of war.” Father gestured forward. “We can go through to the dining room now.”
I led the way, not sure who I was supposed to sit by, but Father announced Reeves was getting the head of the table opposite of him, which put Reeves next to Ruenella. There was only one chair left, right between Reeves and King Aswell. I lowered myself, not sure where I was supposed to fix my gaze. How did I get into this mess?
Contrary to the recent modest meals of soup, or poultry from one of our farms, tonight’s meal was a feast set to impress. The finest china, the heirloom set with gold overlay that my grandmother had been gifted from a foreign emperor on her wedding, was set out. Long white candlesticks in gold holders lined the middle of the table. Huge platters of shrimp, and roasted lamb with fresh rosemary sprigs as garnish sat in the center. It had been months since we had dined like this, and even though everything looked amazing, I somehow lost my appetite even more.
As soon as I set my linen napkin on my lap, I could feel someone’s heated gaze on me. I didn’t have to look to know it was Father. We hadn’t spoken about my plans tonight, but I was sure Mother had told him. It was obvious all the fuss with the dress and the feast had been planned to be a celebratory one for my engagement.
Funny how my heart could feel so heavy on the eve of what should be such a joyous event. My gaze floated to King Aswell. Once again, he was impeccably dressed, in a long black velvet coat, with red piping. I could see how women would find him attractive, especially since he took such care of his looks. Although I found his hook nose slightly less jarring now and had mostly gotten used to seeing him, I felt nothing when I looked at him.
Okay, that was a lie.
I felt dread.
I wished more than anything that I could force myself to feel something positive. Even curiosity, or friendship, would be better than this. It would make everything much easier, but it was not there. Not even a spark. I can’t recall one laugh we shared or even a genuine smile I had in his presence. I didn’t think I was asking for too much to want to marry someone who made me look forward to our life. Someone who I loved more than anything. Someone who loves me for . . . me. Tears budded in the back of my eyes when my mind recalled Reeves practically begging me to wait to get married. Those were his words. I agreed with him then. I agreed with him even more now. I wanted to marry someone who lovedme, not my royal position, but I was out of time.
