A clean break.
Actually, going through even last years’ worth of shady business deals at this place, I was ready to let it all go, including my dreams of inheriting Jonathan’s billion-dollar company. I had been living in a fantasy land, thinking this dad-son duo was what I needed. Not only was I prepared to let Elinora go today, but I was going to walk out too.
This wasn’t me.
The lights in the offices had already started to dim as people locked up to return home. I had texted Elinora I was back in the office and wanted to talk. She’d never replied as she was avoiding me.
I’d finally gotten the hint.
I loosened my tie, inhaling a deep breath, reflecting on all the insane things that had run through my head these last few days. I’d been up all night, thinking about this. I swore my brain formed a callus. I wished I could say I didn’t know what had gotten into me, but I did know.
Opening my work bag, I pulled out our notebook. Somewhere over the years, it had become a symbol for this stupid fantasy I had held onto in my head. It was time to let that go as well. The minutes on the clock seemed to stay frozen, and my fingers jittered, needing a fidget of some sort. I grabbed my pen, turned to the first blank page, and started to write an apology, but all I could think of was what a waste of love I was. No matter where I tried to find a home, I was rejected. After scribbling a few lines of apology, I set the book on top of Elinora’s stack of papers.
twenty-six
Elinora
My work flats squished my toes as I crept back to my office, trying to go unnoticed. It was easy to do since most people had already left for the day. I’d hung out in the janitor’s closet for the last half hour while I waited for Graham to return. I couldn’t handle small talk because I was dealing with a serious truth problem, and only one person could help me.
The thing was . . .
Well, I’m not sure what thethingwas, but I knew my person was Graham. As much as I hated the mistakes he had made, I understood them. He wasn’t perfect but he was a great dad, and the only reason he had ghosted me was because he was too hard on himself. He doubted I could love him if things were hard. I couldn’t even blame him for that, because that was what he’d learned about love as a child from his mom’s abandonment. Now that he was being honest about this stupid cocky façade he’d been wearing, I was ready to be honest too.
I’d always known he was my person.
I couldn’t deny it anymore. We had a lot to talk about. Starting with our work situation that was never going to work…and ending with that kiss. My inner monologue rambled as I tried to piece my thoughts together. My heart thumping like a bass drum on my ribs, I slowed right before I got to my office. I pinned on what I liked to refer to as my constipation smile as I walked into my office and found it empty.
Graham had left.
A stack of papers was on my desk. Anger rose, as he was the one who had insisted we talk today. He’d bailed before we could have a conversation and stiffed me with a pile of work! Nothing was more deafening than this silence. I needed to talk this out, but he was clearly a man who couldn’t communicate. Was he going to pretend we hadn’t kissed?
A snotty snort leaked from my lips as I crossed the office, my eyes landing on a notebook. Not just any notebook but one that melted my insides. I slowed my pace even more as I walked to it and found a bookmark on the last page. My hand trembled when I flipped to that page and read.
I was a dreamer, a waste of love.
Stumbling through life, getting shoved.
You were a giver with a pure heart.
A beautiful gift, my perfect counterpart.
The day I thought forever,
Was every day with you.
But I wasn’t worth it.
I needed to become worthy, setting out to find myself.
I found my identity, and it brought great wealth.
The money didn’t bring me happiness.
It magnified an emptiness.
Finding myself only brought memories of you.
I’m sorry.
