“Well, I’m starving.” I pulled out into traffic and steered toward the office. “How about sushi before we go back?”
Without flinching, she spat out, “Sorry, I cut everything parasitic from my life.”
“Ouch.” I gripped the steering wheel harder, inhaling a breath that sliced through my clenched teeth. In my twenties, I’d been passive-aggressive about some things, but I’d learned a thing or two about going after what I wanted. I wasn’t about to waste my time waffling around. “We need to talk about some stuff.”
“You said you were taking me to work, not discussing the past. Now you’re a liar, too.” She crossed her arms over her body, shifting in her seat, angling her body even farther away from me. “You’ve finally gotten what you wanted after all these years. I’m keeping my mouth shut.”
Nearly veering off the road, I yanked the wheel and stopped on the shoulder, resisting the urge to pound my fist on the dash. Nobody hated me more than I did for what I had done, but getting angry wasn’t going to solve anything. “I hope it’s not too late to say I’m sorry.”
“Don’t give me any of that boy band lyric bologna.” She shuffled her feet before spouting off, “Can you please drive this car? Otherwise, I’m going to walk. I have no interest in sitting in here with you.”
I pushed my tongue to the roof of my mouth, halting my words. Bickering wasn’t going to help. She needed to know how messed up things were. “Look, I screwed up. In my head, I have taken it back a thousand times over, but that doesn’t translate to reality. We have to get past this. What do you need from me?”
“I need you to let me out of my contract and leave me alone.”
“I can’t do that.” My voice cracked, slayed at the mere thought of never seeing her again.
“Look.” She angled her head slightly, but still didn’t meet my gaze. “You want me to talk. I’ll talk. I can’t do this. You think you can swoop in here as my boss and impress me, but it doesn’t. I’m not shallow. I don’t care if you have money now. I can’t even sit next to you. That’s why I couldn’t come into the office. You want to be a jerk and hammer in that last nail in our relationship coffin, so that I hate you even more, then make me stay in this contract. Fine. I’ll finish the contract, but I can’t see you every day. You can have my office. I’ll work in the janitor’s closet if that means I won’t have to look at you.”
“You’re right. Sorry isn’t what you need to hear.” I raked my hands through my hair, the heat nearly boiling from my scalp. Before I knew what I was doing, I grabbed her hand. It trembled in mine as I pulled it close to me. “I wanted you, but I was bad for you. As much as you hate me now, you would have hated me more if I’d dragged you through the last ten years. I promise you I would have broken you so many times more if I had carried you through the trauma from which I emerged. I promise you now, things are different.”
“What trauma are you even talking about? So you had a hard life. I’m sorry, that doesn’t give you a free ticket to treat someone like a jerk!”
“I was nothing,” I blurted out. “I was a total loser, stuck in poverty and in survival mode, just trying to keep Hadley alive and a leaky roof over our head. Hadley got super sick the night I was supposed to leave on the plane to see you. I panicked thinking I was failing her, and it was my fault she was sick. I needed to make sure I was putting her first.” I shook my head, refusing to go back to those years, even if it was just a memory.
“Do you really think I wouldn't have understood about Hadley? I understood she needed you. I was willing to meet you where you were, and I would have loved Hadley too.” Her eyelashes fluttered as if she’d absorbed a bullet to the heart, and she yanked back her hand. “Your words are poison.”
“Get it out,” I urged, hating how her lips twisted into a menacing scowl. We’d never get past our issues if she didn’t let out her hurt, but I also knew this wasn't her real self. The real Elinora—the one who's heart I knew—had more empathy than this. She had a shield up. A shield that I triggered, as a reaction to her heartbreak. Something I knew a lot about, but I also know we had to talk about it to get over it. “I agree with you. I did everything wrong.”
“You ghosted me.” Tears layered in her eyes, and although her words were seeped in spite, the crack in her voice told me her anger was merely another shield of protection. “I quit my job to move across the country for you and you ghosted me!”
“You quit your job?” A perplexed brow sprang up, as I had no idea. Apparently, she suffered more loss than I'd thought. “You never told me that.”
“I was willing to give up my whole life for you. I told my whole family about what an amazing guy you were, and you showed me that your words were trash.” She sucked in a loud breath as she violently wagged her head back and forth. “I never want to feel that vulnerable again.”
“I had no idea you did that.” Taking a hard swallow to conceal the crack in my voice, I pushed past the tightening in my chest. It was my fault. Even if she’d tried to tell me, I deleted her texts. I had no idea I’d messed up her life that badly. “My life was such a disaster back then. I didn’t want to ruin you too.”
“Well, joke’s on you. After I finally got done crying, I funneled all the spite you left me with into law school, and I graduated at the top of my class. At least you were good for something.”
"I would have never asked you to quit your job. I wasn’t worth that," my voice deepened. "I can understand why you’re upset. I just hope you understand my intention was to protect you. It killed me to break up with you, but I had to do something drastic because I wanted you to hate me so you could move on. I know it was messed up, but I clearly panicked.”
“It worked, because I did move on.” She flipped her hair over her shoulder, and jutted her chin, still facing forward, hardened scowl on her face. “I’m never going to believe a thing you say to me ever again.”
Swallowing, I gave up on this conversation.For now.She was upset but this back-and-forth stuff wasn't us. Though, it was progress—a step toward healing. My heart believed she'd get there, but I had to do the work first. I wasn't quitting. “Okay, sushi it is.”
nineteen
Elinora
My stomach was a loopy roller coaster whenever I was in the same building as Graham. I paced the lobby, waiting for him to go to his meeting in the boardroom. I couldn’t step foot in my office, because Graham had taken over, even moving in another desk so we could be buddies like a couple of grade school kids. I had my laptop, as I never went anywhere without it since I have no life outside of work, but I needed to get my contract binders.
“You look terrified.” Mabel spoke to me with her lips attached to the straw that connected to her giant forty-ounce stainless steel mug of water. “Did something happen?”
“Everything happened.” I lapped around again, stealing a look down the hall as my office door opened. Ducking behind the corner, I waited for Graham to cross the hall to the boardroom before I let out a giant sigh. I tiptoed until my feet met the front of Mabel’s desk and whispered, “You’ve worked here a long time, right?”
“Four years.” She slurped on her straw, which cackled so loudly I winced and checked the hall to ensure we didn’t draw anyone’s attention. “Have you ever seen Graham—I mean, Mr. Fox—in the office before? I’ve only been here a month, and this is the first I’ve heard about him.”
“No. His name came across my desk a few times, but he’s never been here.” Her lips curled at the tips, but they stayed smashed together as if she was trying to hold in top-secret information, before leaking out, “He’s pretty nice to look at, isn’t he?”
