“I’m f-fine.” A cough bubbled up, as if it was little gas streams from my heart, still piping out the “I love you.” Those were clearly betrayals.
His eyes tracked my movements, and he was patient—too patient—as I squirmed at the unbidden feeling of goosebumps dotting my spine. I wasn’t going to beat around the bush. I needed answers. I placed both palms firmly on my desk to steady myself and fixed my gaze on his, my heart twisting in the most heartbreaking way, melting into his gaze. “I’m so confused.” His lips turned playful, mischievousness twinkling from beneath his dark lashes. He was clearly enjoying this too much, and I would be lying if I said I hated seeing him again.
Someday, they’ll write textbooks about the power of his gaze.
What was wrong with me?
His eyes had somehow gained more power over me, as if they’d taken all the lost years of unrequited love and funneled them into this one glare. I pinched my brow, breaking the pull, and barely stuttered, “G-Graham, what are you doing here?”
sixteen
Graham
“Graham.” Her eyes bulged from their sockets. Her voice weakened when it floated out with so much emphasis on the second syllable, it was drenched in phlegm and sounded like she growled the wordham.It made her sound hungry, and mad, as if she hadn’t eaten for days. I wanted to chuckle, because well, that’s what Elinora always made me do. No matter how hard I tried to be sober around her, she had a way of being so out of tune that it was impossible to be serious.
But beyond her hangry ham slur, it was her voice. I hadn’t heard it in years, but my heart knew it, because it still communicated with her.
Every. Day.
That didn’t make me want to smile.
It made my heart bubble up, doing little fizzy pops that somehow simultaneously inoculated me with the flu because now I wanted to vomit. I swallowed my nausea, doing my best to keep a straight face. I sauntered into her office, invading herspace. Her face grew ashen, and her lips were agape, but she wasn’t talking. “Why do you look so disappointed?”
“That’s not disappointment.” She yanked on the back of her skirt, adjusting it. “That’s just my face.”
She was lying. She’d never struggled to talk in her life, and now that her skirt was adjusted, she was frozen. “Are you practicing for a prison photo?”
She blinked, slowly, as if afraid to stir the air too much. “Maybe. It would be better than this.”
Ouch.
That was unexpected. I’d admit I had been nervous to see how she reacted to me as her new boss. I’d assumed she’d be shocked, but I had anticipated a warmer welcome than this. Her lips tightened into a straight line, and she stood square with me, planting her feet shoulder width apart. I started to get the impression that my worst fear was true.
She mightnotbe happy to see me.
Here was the deal.
My life before, I had been living day to day, hardly making it at first. Lately, though, things have been going sensationally. Yet, I pretended I hadn’t made the biggest mistake of my life by pushing her away, but the guy I had been back then would have ruined her.
I hated what I had done to her.
Hated it.
But I would have hated myself more if I had let Hadley down and been the type of parent I’d swore I would never be. When I’d accepted custody of her, I’d swore to God I would make her my first priority, and I didn’t take that oath lightly.
It hadn’t been a mistake. I replayed the events of years ago all the time. All the memories we had, and even some of the ones we hadn’t had time to make together. I couldn’t stop imagining in my head. Like how she had looked like a princess, dressedfor a wedding in her bridesmaid’s gown, her hair and makeup expertly done in the selfie she’d sent while waiting for me to join her. She had been so excited, and I refused to reply. She’d sent another photo later, one with her whole family, and she had sounded optimistic but wondered if my flight had been delayed. The texts had kept coming, sounding more frantic, but I hadn’t been able to reply. How could I break her heart? Before I knew it, it was too late, and she had been crying, and I’d finally mustered up all I had to text her.
Graham: I’m sorry, I can’t make it. This whole thing isn’t going to work out. Just forget about me.
I didn’t reply to the dozens of pleas she had sent after that. I couldn’t. After many weeks, they’d finally trickled off, and my phone had eventually gone silent. As the years had ticked by, the road had only narrowed into a single path on which all I did was work my butt off to climb the real estate ladder and hang out with Hadley.
But this twist of fate was going to kill me. Actually, it wasn’t so much of a twist of fate, because I had known she’d applied for this job. Even though she was grossly under qualified, being a new graduate, I’d championed for her to be hired from behind the curtain. I knew if she understood who worked here, she wouldn’t have even stepped foot inside. I made sure she never found out I worked here.
I studied the lines in her face. Those were new. Nothing overly deep, but a few extra smile lines, though she clearly wasn’t smiling now. It had been ten years since I’d last seen her, and every remnant of the young Elinora I had known was now gone. Like a fine wine, she had become cultured and radiant.
“I won’t accept this.” Elinora pointed her finger at me, jabbing it into my chest. “You’d better explain what’s going on. Why are you in my office?”
I clasped her hand where it still poked to my chest and dropped it until it swung freely at her side. Clearing my throat, I looked her dead in the eyes. “It’smyoffice.”
