Two weeks later
“Hadley, wake up, sweetie. I have a plane to catch.” It wasn’t even bedtime yet, but she’d passed out on the sofa right after dinner. She groaned, rolling over, fully revealing her side profile, and her cheeks looked unusually pink. Waiting for her eyes to flicker awake, I brushed her hair from her cheek, then froze. Her cheeks were blazing hot, explaining the grogginess.
Hadley always had a weaker immune system, and it seemed to get worse when she was experiencing stress. I could definitely tell that me working more over the last couple of weeks, leaving her with Lacy, was wearing on her immunity. She doesn’t sleep well when I leave her with Lacy, and she clearly got so run down. I’d told myself I was imagining it, but like clockwork, here she was, sick.
Sighing heavily, it didn’t release any tension as more flowed in. Lacy wouldn’t be thrilled to take Hadley for the weekend if she was sick again. I didn’t have anyone else to call. “I can’t dothis parent thing,” I spat out, grabbing my phone and scrolling through my contacts. There was no one to call. No one I trusted to watch Hadley. I had known it was going to be hard to raise a child on my own when I accepted this role, but I wished I had considered how important it was to have a whole village.
I didn’t have a village.
It was her and me.
If she was sick, she neededme.
Maybe it was a growing thing, and she’d be fine in a couple of hours. “Hadley, does your stomach hurt?” She finally opened her mouth, but not to answer me. Instead, she vomited right into my lap. “Lovely.” I couldn’t even be mad. It was just how life worked out. Or, really, how it didn’t work out.Ever.
I ran to the kitchen for the trash can and set it next to Hadley, even though she’d already emptied everything on me. Then I jogged to my bedroom, and took off my shirt, dropping it in the hamper as I walked past. I had gotten behind on laundry in the bustle of working extra this week to make money for this trip, and the hamper overflowed. I rushed to my dresser drawer, pulled out an old pair of sweatpants, and changed.
When I returned to Hadley, she was resting again, her cheeks deep red. I grabbed my phone, noting I had about thirty minutes before I risked missing my flight. If it was something she ate, she’d be better in a few hours.I didn’t have time to wait. There wasn’t a later flight if I wanted to make it to the wedding. I opened my text messages and found one waiting for me.
Elinora: I’m going to bed but I wanted to say goodnight. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow! Best day ever! My whole family is excited to have you here.
My fingers froze midair. I couldn’t reply to that. How was I supposed to tell her I couldn’t come?It would crush her.It was all she’d been talking about for two weeks. I wanted to go. I wanted to be that guy for her. The one who showed up, and whomade her family proud. I had emptied out all of my savings and even picked up two extra shifts at the bar last week to afford that plane ticket and the extra expenses.
Nobody wanted to be there for her more than I did.
I squeezed my hands into fist, and they trembled as anger bubbled in my chest.
What was I supposed to do?
I couldn’t imagine what her dad would do to me when he found out I’d canceled on her. He already hated me. He knew what a disappointment I was. He was going to make my life miserable, which would make Elinora miserable. I didn’t know how to do this. Frustration pumped through my veins, and I texted Lacy.
Hey, Hadley just puked. I know it’s a long shot, but could you still take her? I hate to ask but it’s really important.
Lacy: I’m so sorry to hear that. If it was only me, I could but I don’t want to risk getting my daughter sick. I’m so sorry. I’ll gladly take her next weekend if she’s better.
Next weekend, the wedding will be over. Sure, I didn’t even know the couple getting married, but it was important to Elinora and her family. Next weekend, I didn’t have a flight, and it’s more than likely too late to cancel this one. I never bought travel insurance, because I didn't want the extra expense. The stress pooled in my forehead, and I suppressed a scream as another text flashed from Lacy.
Lacy: Honestly, she’s really not been well for a while. I think it’s time to take her to the doctor.
Lacy was right. Hadley had been sick more often than not lately. I needed to take her to the doctor but my chest tightened as I realized it meant I would miss my flight. This wasn’t fair.I wasn't doing anything wrong. I wanted to see my girlfriend. Now, she was going to be disappointed.
I couldn’t leave my daughter when she was so sick. If I was honest with myself, I’d caused this by letting Hadley stay at Lacy’s too much. She needed to be home. All I’d ever wanted for her was a stable home with a parent who was there for her. Something I’d never had, and I wasn’t being here for her the way I had promised her I would be. I can’t keep leaving…but if I didn’t leave her, I couldn’t be there for Elinora.
Hadley moaned in her sleep, her sweet cheeks flushed more. I grabbed her blanket, wrapping it around her, and scooped her up, ready to take her to a walk-in clinic. Something wasn’t right. I hated this timing because I wanted to be there for Elinora, but Elinora wasn’t my four-year-old daughter.
There really wasn’t a way I could be there for both. Not when we lived on different ends of the country. I stared at my phone, not texting Elinora back. I couldn’t tell her what a disappointment I was. Perhaps it was better she found out now.
As much as I wanted to love her.
Make her my everything.
In my heart, I knew I would always fail her—like I’d failed myself.
Man, I didn’t have a doubt in the world that I could get on one knee right now andbegfor her hand in marriage, but I wasn’t worthy of that—or her. I’d only mess that up too. The only thing I could do well for her was break her.
A memory popped up. The one when I had overheard Ron telling Elinora that I was going to ruin her. I'd suffered a lot of disappointments in life and few stung worse than that moment, and it always crept up when I was feeling at my worst. It wasn't just what Ron thought, though. It's what everyone thought of me.
I'd heard a lot of people's opinion of me in my life, and this one is always the loudest, ringing over and over in my head. No matter what I'd tried, I can't shut it down.
