“We don’t need that one. It’s a bag of sand toys for Hadley. I leave them in here all the time.” Patting the cooler strap balanced on my shoulder, I walked slowly. “I have everything we need. Let’s find a great place to sit.”
Making a wide sweep across the landscape, her eyes locked on a grassy hill overlooking the water. “How about there?”
“I’m already on it.” I smiled, marveling at how we automatically matched pace with each other, and we strolled right to the center of the hill. After spreading out the blanket, I flipped open the cooler lid. “Care to guess at tonight’s cuisine?”
“That’s a tough one. Last time we had tacos, but I don’t think you’d pack those.” She rubbed her hands together, drumming up excitement. “I’m going with sandwiches.”
“We have a winner!” I lifted out two brown bags, giving one to her. “Not just any sandwich though. It’s my special ham and Swiss sandwich with Dijon mustard and everything but the bagel seasoning.”
“How fancy!” Her grin spread wide as she slid the sandwich out of the bag, and she didn’t waste a moment digging in. As I sat across from her, I couldn't help but be mesmerized by the way she savored each bite. The way her eyes would close in pleasure, the slight tilt of her head as she chewed thoughtfully—it was as if every bite held a world of flavor. And in that moment, there was something so effortless about her. She was honestly the only woman I’d ever dated who I felt comfortable just packing a ham sandwich picnic for. It wasn’t that I wanted to impress her less.I knew her best. We knew each other. "Mmm, it’s fantastic.” She hummed through her chewing.
“Hard to beat the seasoning. It really elevates anything you use it on. Hadley and I eat these sandwiches most days for lunch. We just don’t get tired of them.”
“Maybe it’s the sandwich.” She winked at me as she dabbed the corner of her lips with a napkin. “I think it might be the chef.”
“Possibly. I have a lot of experience making these.”
Her lashes lowered while her face stiffened.
“What?” I pressed softly. She was holding back. “Did you find a hair? It would definitely be Hadley’s. She’s my sous chef.”
“No hair. I’ve just been wondering something for so long, and I didn’t want to ask in a text message.” She stretched her legs out in front of her and leaned all the way back until she lay on the ground, resting her hands behind her head.
I had just taken the last bite of my sandwich and stuffed my garbage back into the cooler. Taking a cue, I stretched out next to her and stared up at the sky. A few stars had started to peek out. They glittered in the charcoal sky like scattered diamonds, casting a soft glow for us to focus on. “You can ask me anything.”
A longer than usual pause tipped me off that she was changing the tone to something serious, which was only confirmed more by her soft voice when she spoke, “What really happened after you were sent away?”
“What do you mean?” I understood exactly what she was asking, but I needed a minute to think.
“I mean, you dropped off the earth. Your grandma went into a nursing home, and my mom kept in touch. Bertha never said you called or came to visit.”
“Right.” A knot swelled in my throat. Besides my social worker and my grandma, Elinora was honestly the only person who knew what happened. Well, and her family. I didn’t dare tell any of my friends back in Oregon. As far as they were concerned, I had been living my best life on the beach in Florida. I had purposely tried to drop off the earth, because I didn’t want anyone to visit me where I was. “I, ah, got brought back to Oregon to a boys’ ranch, which was pretty cringe. They made it seem like a huge win that I dodged juvie, but I didn’t see any difference. It was a lot of farm labor, and they were pretty heavy on the Jesus stuff.” I shrugged. “I hated it and only lasted a few weeks before I ran to the streets. Eventually, I got a job washing dishes at a dive pub. I don’t think it was legal for me to work there, but the owner paid in cash, and never asked questions.”
“That sounds like torture.” Her gaze seemed to dance over the stars for clues to anything else I hadn’t said. “I had no idea it was that bad.”
“Hindsight diminishes the feelings of torture.” My temperament was even, despite how I’d never been able to talk about what happened to me without shutting down completely. The fact that I disclosed this stuff to her did more to tell me how I really felt about her than anything else. “I’ve, ah, never told anyone what happened to me.”
“I’m sorry if you didn’t want me to bring it up.”
“It’s okay. I don’t want any secrets between us. Ask me anything.”
“Anything?”
“Yeah.” I gave her a suspicious side-eye. “Now what?”
“Talk to me about Hemingway.”
My brow probably crinkled from the stretch I gave it while I searched her expression. “Why Hemingway?”
“You named your daughter after his wife.”
“Oh, that.” I nodded, as no one had made the connection before. Most people assumed Hadley was just a trendy name. Again, Elinora knew me more than surface level. “I, ah, love his writing. I studied it for years, and I guess I love his personal story, too—so tragic, not fiction. He loved several wives, but after his last, he died a hermit. Many people thought Agnes, that gal who was his nurse in the war, was his true love. You know, the one they made that movie about? Agnes was the one who got away. HisFarewell to Armsbut not his true love. I would argue his true love was his first wife, Hadley. She was the one true love that never expired.”
“It’s definitely bittersweet,” her voice rolled out dreamily, and I loved the way it sounded. “I sometimes think God hand selects the people with the most beautiful souls to hurt the most, so they can go first to light the way for the rest of us to find healing. Without his heartbreak, he wouldn’t have been who he was. If she hadn’t died, he might have had a family, worked a trade and the world would have never even heard of him. And look what he's done for the world."
I sighed, resigned. “I used to think about the trauma I went through, and although it was not war, I had to think it was refining me for something bigger. I always assumed it was a football career. Now I don’t know. Now I just hope to keep Hadley alive until kindergarten.”
She chuckled lightheartedly. “You can’t even tell me she isn’t a perfect angel.”
