What’s the name of those breaths they teach you in CPR?
Rescue breaths?
That was what I needed.
In a firmer, more audible tone, he pressed, “You are thinking something, but you’re wrong—”
How was it possible for my lungs to clench even more? I didn’t want to hear about his love life—past, current, or future. I didn’t have the stomach for it. I was being insanely immature. We were both adults. Of course, we had lives, but the thought of him loving someone else hurt deeply. Before I passed out, I cut him off, “No, I have—”
“Hadley is my sister,” he blurted out, speaking over me.
My brows stitched together. That didn’t match my memories. “She called you.” I paused, still confused but pressed forward in the quietest voice ever, “Dad.”
His gaze angled away from mine, morphing into his dissociation stare. “The state restricted my mom’s parental rights to Hadley while she was pregnant because of her record of neglect. They were going to place Hadley in foster care, but she refused to sign consent for adoption.” He scowled as he dug his teeth into his bottom lip. “Adoption to a permanent family would have been one thing, but I couldn’t let her live foster care life, too. I had just gotten out of it. It tore me up to think of her entering the system so young. She was only a baby. I don’t know. I had no idea what I was doing, but my mom agreed she’d only sign away her rights to me. I actually just officially adopted last summer even though I’d had her since she was born. It was expensive, and I had a lot of things I needed to take care of first. I still can’t believe the state let me get this far into the process with my record. Sometimes I wake up at night in a cold sweat, scared to death because I can’t believe I’m a dad.”
“Um, you are right.” My jaw dropped so low, it had to have come unhinged. “I wasn’t thinkingthat.”
“Sorry.” His lashes lowered to the ground. “I would have told you at the store. I wasn’t trying to be misleading, but Hadley was right there, and she knows she’s adopted, but she doesn’t really understand the more complicated stuff.”
“You were right. Totally complicated.”
“It’s not something I can blurt out. I don’t care if people judge, except for her sake, I guess.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Whatever. I’m sure I’m not making any sense.”
“You are.”
“I bet you think I’m crazy for taking custody of a child.”
“No, I don’t. I think you’re brave.”
He squinted as if the sun was too bright. It felt like more of a protective maneuver than anything because the sun was already going down for the night. Even though he was putting up a small guard, the fact that he’d opened up to me at all sent awhirl of flutters into my gut. That was the thing with him. Just when I thought I knew him, he surprised me with another mind-blowing layer! What single man would put themselves in this position? Sure, he was doing well for his circumstances, but man did it take a lot of heart to take on a child.
He abruptly stood and arched his neck toward the circle of kids. “It looks like they are wrapping up. Sorry, sometimes they get done early.” I scrambled to my feet, wiping my hands on my skirt, and mustered up my best not-disappointed voice. “It was great to see you. Good luck with the store.” I watched his body language, wondering if I should lean in for a hug. Even though I was going through the motions of this goodbye, everything felt so difficult—worse than a job interview.
“Hey, Elinora,” his voice came out raspy. Combined with the fact that he never called me by my real name, I had chills trickle down my spine. He flashed a look back at the kids before turning his eyes back to me.
“Yeah?” I said in a hesitant way, sliding one foot out, ready to leave.
“This is sort of random. I know you’re only in town for a few days, but do you want to go out tomorrow?”
“Like this?” I stammered, holding up my half-eaten cheeseburger, eyeing the glob of ketchup starting to ooze out the side of the bun, threatening to drip. Ope, too late. It splattered on my sleeve. I didn’t have a napkin handy, and it was oozing down my arm, staining a trail.
Just once can I be glamorous?
“No. Not like this.” He let his amusement linger in his smile. “This was me picking up my kid.”
“Right, I knew that.” My eyes were still locked on the ketchup, pleading for it to not embarrass me.
“I can get a sitter. We can go somewhere, just the two of us.”
“I, uh, a—”
“It’s cool.” His eyes fled back to the group of kids. “If you don’t want to. Hadley is by herself down there, so she might be getting nervous if she doesn’t see me.” He took a step backwards down the hill toward Hadley.
“No,” I called after him. “I didn’t mean I don’t want to, because I do—”
His lips slid into a grin, and before I could finish, he said, “Great. I’ll text you tomorrow.” He motioned away with his head, adding, “But I need to go, because she panics easily.” Then he turned and jogged down to meet Hadley.
“Okay,” I said to myself since he had already left me alone with my racing heart. He’d saidgo out.That’s a date, right? He needed to be clearer. I could use some footnotes.
