Maybe I was wasting my time?
If she had even a tiny seed of affection for me, she wouldn’t act like she could pass out from the mere suggestion of her loving me. My hand still lingered on her arm, but she didn’t look at me. “I think I’m fine.” Her cadence was off, belying her statement.
Distrust flooded my heart, and I had to turn on my heel, hiding my face from both of these women, because I couldn’t bear the scorn. It was one thing for Charlotte not to see me as partner material, but I had always been her friend. I didn’t deserve to be lied to. I took a step away from her, letting my thoughts boil up.Maybe this Holidaze needed to happen?I’d been waiting for Charlotte so long I never even considered anyone else. I had put her on this pedestal, and I never allowed anyone to even come close.
Maybe this was what I needed to see for me to truly know it was never going to happen?
Some people have lightbulb moments, making everything clear. This was sort of like that, but everything instantly got dark. A true gut-punch moment, and I was done believing this waiting game would ever pay off. “It doesn’t seem like we are going to learn anything else here,” I called back to her as I headed toward the door, ready to get this whole thing over, and put it behind us. “Let’s keep moving.” I stuck my hand up in a wave and called to the lady, “Thanks for your help.”
Charlotte echoed me with another thank you, and a scuffle came from behind me, and judging from the number of scattered footfalls I guessed I had both Charlotte, and the dog still in tow. After only a few short steps outside, Charlotte questioned, “Do you think we should name the dog?”
“He’s not ours to name,” I grumpily rebutted, because I was on a mission to get this day over. I definitely didn’t want to do anything to help remember it, like naming this loyal companion. That wasn’t going to help anything.
“That’s the thing.Hethinks he’s ours.”
I shot Charlotte anare-you-kidding-melook. “He can be our buddy for the weekend, but, let’s get real. What are we going to do with a dog? I can’t bring him back to New York, and you said you have no idea how to care for a dog.” My voice came out disgruntled, and not at all how I usually speak to Charlotte. She must have sensed my annoyance, because she dropped the conversation by looking away.
“Here’s the church,” I half muttered, as I took long strides. Charlotte had to do a walking-running pattern to keep up with me. Maybe that made me a jerk, but I was so disgusted with myself for wasting years of my life being naïve, that I couldn’t shut down my new attitude. Who knows, maybe being a jerk would work well in my favor? You know what they say? Nice guys finish last. I wasn’t trying to find out how long nice guys had to wait to get last place.
Yep, it was time to try a bolder approach with women, taking a cue from my dad. Tightening salsa jars worked for him.
We walked past the church entrance, heading toward the back to an attached residence, not slowing until we stood at the doorstep. I knocked several times before a white-haired, stout man with a swollen belly opened the door.
“Hello again,” he said in a welcoming voice, his gaze wafting from Charlotte and back to me. My heart rate sped up upon seeing him recognize us.
There was no turning back.
A wave of nausea soared through my body, spiraling through my extremities, making them tremble with anxiety. Yet again, my exasperation was stoked beyond my control, and I had to grab the doorframe to stop from wobbling.
No it wasn’t a new illness or even low blood sugar. It wasZenozyne. Time was pounding away, like a drum I could hear in my ear.It was getting faster and spinning around me until I couldn’t mentally keep up with the tempo anymore.I stumbled backward, but nothing broke my fall.
eleven
Charlotte
Iblinked,andthenext second Nick was laid out on the ground with the dog licking his cheek. I don’t remember swooping to his side, but I was instantly squeezing his hand.
“Maybe he needs some water?” the chaplain sounded as if he was about to embark on a fun science experiment.
“It’s been a stressful day.” I eased into my word choices. “We weren’t planning on getting married. I mean, we joked about it, but it was still a surprise for both of us.”
The chaplain’s brow evened out. “But you didn’t get married.”
I was fairly certain that gurgling came from Nick. It wasn’t a choking, but not exactly living his best life sort of noise. From his position of holding the floor flat, his hand flew up like an astute student trying to get his teacher’s attention. “Excuse me? Can you say that again?”
The chaplain’s gaze swept to Nick. “You never got married.” He gazed back to me. “You showed up, dressed in wedding apparel, and asked, but you didn’t have any paperwork. I explained that this chapel doesn’t operate like Vegas where you can just get hitched. There must be a license.”
Nick sprang to a seated upright position, eyes glued to the chaplain, and almost sang out, “You’re telling me nothing happened!”
The chaplain raised his shoulders, holding them up in pause. “I can’t say what happened after, but I can say you didn’t get married in my chapel. I told you to go to the courthouse on Monday for your papers.”
“Wow.” I stared forward, feeling foolish about everything now.Of course, you can’t just get legally married.I had overreacted, and embarrassed heat flushed across my cheeks.
“I’m guessing you were expecting other news.” The chaplain must have sensed the growing awkwardness, and tacked on a polite smile. “I’ll leave you two alone to chat.” He bowed his head and backed into his house, closing the door.
Nick scampered to his feet, joining me at my side. His face was paler than normal, but he looked mostly functional. Actually, he looked relieved. “That was great news,” he said loudly.
“Right,” I added in a soft tone as I mulled over everything. It made sense we couldn’t get married. We had gotten caught in the rush of the moment, and I understood that on a logical level. The not logical thing I couldn’t understand was, why, now that I learned we didn’t get married, did this look of relief on Nick’s face make my heart feel like it was suddenly cracked wide open? I stared back at Nick, feeling like a fool for hurting, because clearly this whole thing had been a stupid misunderstanding that should never have happened in the first place.
