one
Clover
“Well,youcan’tspellfuneral without fun.” I stared at the busy downtown street from my tiny office window while doing my best to divert Charlotte’s question about how my weekend had gone. My soft-spoken coworker stood behind me, following me like a lost puppy. Turning back to her, I pulled up one side of my lips into the only grin I could manage in a desperate attempt to try to appear neutral to my imploding life.
“It’s okay, Clover.” Charotte gently squeezed my forearm, like she was both unsure of what to do, but also wanted to fill in for the loving mother I had just lost. “No one expects you to enjoy this. You don’t have to pretend not to be sad.”
Charlotte had been tip toeing around me, like she was expecting me to crack at any moment. She didn’t know I was an expert at masking my emotions. I was the last person to cry—especially in front of someone—even when I was dying inside. “It’s cool.” I moved away from the window, taking steps around my upcycled-door desk—and the sympathy pot of succulents that Charlotte had brought me—toward the door.
I had done my duty, working a full eight hours the day after I had buried my mother. It’s cliché to say she was too young to die, but really at sixty-five, she had so much life left to live. As much as I tried to explain that to anyone who would listen, it didn’t matter, and I couldn’t change it. I swept my eyes to my sister, Poppy, while I dug deep—like way down deep to my toes—for the strength not to cry out in overwhelming grief for the mother I had lost, and the new caregiver role I was now being forced to fill. It was officially time to start my new normal.
Charlotte’s head tipped to Poppy, who sat crossed legged on the floor, doing nothing other than hugging her stuffed pig and humming to herself. “Have you thought of what you are going to do with your sister?”
Halting my steps, my eyes met hers. “I have thought about it.”
“And?”
I was patient with myself while I forced down the lump in my throat, my words tumbled out in a whisper, “And this world stinks.”
Charlotte’s words were equally as soft, “Care to elaborate?”
No.I screamed inside, because I had always been a private person who prided myself on leaving my personal life at home. I’d had an impossible week, now forced to bring my sisterwithme. As respectful as Charlotte was of Poppy being here, she had to be curious, and hoping I had a better plan. Letting out a sigh of defeat, I reluctantly replied, “There isn’t much to say. As you are aware, she’s not capable of staying alone. She’s nineteen, way too old for daycare, but her disability isn’t the right fit for any of the group homes in town. Even if it was a good fit, none of them have availability on short notice. I talked to a lady at the county social services office, and she suggested I could move her to a different county where they had room. I understand that their hands are tied, but moving her away from me right after she lost her mom seems cruel. I can’t afford to stay home like my mom did. Mom had been retired, not to mention she had the patience of a saint.”
Charlotte’s gaze was soft, and filled with empathy. “Whatareyou going to do?”
Chewing my lip softly, I wracked my brain. I imagine it would have helped if I had gotten more than a handful of hours of sleep in the last week. I was numb to it all, everything from my emotions, to the funeral arrangements, and that wasn’t me. I had always been a planner. I always had ideas. Today I was in a mental void. Tossing my shoulder, I spoke my words as I thought them, “Short-term solution, I found a lady down the street who watches kids and is willing to take her, starting Monday. It’s not really her thing, and she’s charging me double the normal rate, which will deplete most of my paycheck. She also only agreed to do it short term, so I need to come up with a better long-term solution.”
“Double?” Her brows raised toward me. “Is that legal?”
“I could question her, but I was insanely lucky to find anyone on such short notice.”
“Right.” Charlotte nodded gently. “It’s like she needs a specialized day center with other adults who are more her peers. Too bad you can’t open one of your own.”
“Wait a second.” My eyes shifted from side to side as I ran her words over in my mind a few times. I don’t know why I didn’t think about that before. People start day centers all the time. What’s to stop me from opening one with an older target clientele?
“Oh, no—” Charlotte’s voice ticked up a notch. “I see that look in your—.”
“It’s perfect!” I cut her off. “I can totally do this for her.”
“Are you sure it’s not too much of a project to take on?” Her voice lowered respectfully, hinting at bad news. “That sounds like a full-time job. You would need special training, and you have your full-time job here, and now you’re a full-time caregiver for Poppy, and—”
“I don’t have a choice and I can hire someone with the training,” I interrupted her again, already pulling out my phone to look up government regulations. “I have to work, and I can’t afford to keep her where she is now. If I set up a center, I can get grants to help pay for her care. I mean, I must at least try.” I opened my internet browser, ready to type in my search words when my screen flashed an emergency news article that instantly made me sick to my stomach. “Texas oil drilling company owner and CEO responds to deep-sea well explosion.”
“What’s this about?” I asked as I clicked on the window to open a live video feed.
Charlotte leaned in. “What are you talking about?”
“There’s a well explosion?” My eyes raised to her momentarily, before returning to the video. My heart rate ticked up a notch, adding to my already sickened gut feeling. “Did you know about this?
Charlotte was quiet for too long, giving away her knowledge of the event, before she answered timidly, “It flashed across my screen a few minutes ago.”
I bit my lip, assuming the reason she hadn’t said anything was because I was already stressed out. I also didn’t have anyone blowing up my phone, and I could only assume everyone else on the planet was protecting me right now, too. I didn’t need to be protected. I was going to live. The planet, on the other hand, needed an advocate, and I was doing my best to do my part. More than my part, it was my entire life’s purpose to fight for this planet. I took a lot of pride in my work with green companies. Just last year I was awarded the Green Business Award for my work in specializing in green PR. Having an environmental disaster such as this—right in my own backyard—was definitely something I needed to know about.
Charlotte and I watched as the video zoomed in over the gulf waters. Oil floated on the Gulf, darkening what should have been clear water. A rippling noise cut through the video, and when they zoomed out, I could see the noise belonged to a helicopter closing in on the shore, lowering for a landing. The heading on the screen read: Tucker Drilling CEO, Beau Tucker. I blurted out, “You have got to be kidding me.”
“What?” Charlotte’s eyes locked back on me.
“This was a Tucker well? And that nasty CEO has the gall to pull up onto the beach in his private helicopter like he hasn’t already banked enough carbon under his footprint.” I turned my head away from the screen, fully appalled.Some people just didn’t get it, and never would!
