“There.” I close the hood of her car and rub my hands together to get the dust off. “Looks like you have a bad starter switch. I’ll get it fixed tomorrow once the parts store opens.”
Emma Jane is leaning against her car, chin lifted toward the darkened sky and hands folded across her chest. She lets out a slow breath. “And your truck is still at The Flats, right?”
I nod and reach out my still somewhat dirty hand. “Care for a nighttime walk through town?”
She looks at my hand for a second before sliding her fingers through mine. And at that very moment, I realize I’m holding her hand.
It’s what I offered her, but it didn’t dawn on me until right now that I’ve never held her hand.
This isn’t friendship. This is intimatelymore.So much more than holding her because she was scared of the movie. Much, much more than her straddling my body when we accidentally fell.
This is intentional comfort stemming from a place of genuine concern to make sure she feels safe, protected, and secure.
I go to release her hand, but she squeezes. I give her a questioning look, but all she does is fix me with a pleading stare.As if my touch alone is steadying her.
That’s one heck of a dangerous thought to have…
“I’m sorry I ruined your date,” she says, though her tone doesn’t sound the least bit sorry. She shouldn’t be; the reverend was completely out of line.
“You don’t have to be sorry. Mallory understood. I’ll always be there when you need me.” Emma Jane doesn’t know that it wasn’t a real date. Mallory and I came up with a plan to fake-date each other to see if I could boost my poll numbers. I thought she was crazy to bring up the idea, but I thought, what the heck? If it works, then great. If not, then nothing is trulylost.
Mallory Granger will become my official fake girlfriend in two weeks during the Town Hall address. We have a whole spectacle planned, starting with allowing townsfolk to see us out in public together.
But I haven’t told Emma Jane I’m not seeing Mallory in a romantic capacity. She wants things to go well for me, and I don’t want to let her down. Nor do I want to be set up on more dates.
We continue in silence for a minute, my heartbeat quickening every time I remember our joined hands. When we pass people on the street, I nod like nothing in the world is going on. They’ve seen us around town together plenty, but they’ve never seen me hold her hand.
Because this is a first.
I release her hand, and she doesn’t stop me this time. I don’t need ridiculous rumors floating around when I’m about to announce my “secret girlfriend” to the town.
“Knightley,” she begins as we take to the sidewalk, the sticky air clinging to every ounce of my skin. “Can I…”
I glance over at her. She’s chewing on her lip, her gaze cast down. “Go on.”
“Can I tell you something that probably sounds extremely conceited and selfish, but I promise it’s not?”
“You can always talk to me, Janie.”
Her lips twitch upward as I turn my attention back to the route in front of us. We walk alongside Main Street, passing rows of closed stores, nearing her place of work.
“Are you sure you want to listen to me fall to pieces?”
Squeezing her hand, I reply, “I’ll put you back together the way you put together your favorite puzzles.”
She lets it all out.
“I’m tired of having to be perfect all the time. I think I’ve been tired of it for a while. I don’t want to fake smiles for the town anymore. I don’t want to don a dress to church only to have three other women and girls go out and buy it simply because I wore it. There’s no room for mistakes. I can’t make mistakes, Knightley.” Her voice cracks over my name, and I have the urge to wrap my arm around her and tug her close.
I refrain. With great restraint.
She continues before I can respond. “I made a mistake with Henrietta. Two in a row, actually. Frank Weston and Philip Elton are not good men, and I tried to set my pure-of-heart best friend up with them. How did I miss their character flaws when I’m usually spot-on at reading other people?”
“Because you’re fracturing, Emma.” My voice is a whisper as I speak my thoughts. I meant to keep that one in my head, but when it comes to the woman beside me, I have a bad habit of blurting. Everyone else in town treats her like a sensitive flower, while I know she can handle the truth. “Perfection is not an achievable standard. No one can keep a mask on for that long and survive.”
I think back to Cami and the many times she broke down in my arms over this very thing. Over feeling like she couldn’t be authentic because everyone expected too much from her. But where Cami stood her ground and allowed herself room to make mistakes, Emma Jane is too prideful to do that. She can’t bear to be seen as a failure.
“What will people say about me when they’ve learned I’ve screwed up royally with Henrietta? We easily swept Frank under the rug, but this? This affects all of Hartfield. Our church is the only one in the town.”
