Not your place to judge, Stone. Age isn’t that important once both parties are out of college. You had to get over your woman being older than you…
“Thanks, EJ,” Lucy says, embracing her friend in a hug. “I like your female knight costume. I wonder what inspired that…” The two women link arms and walk away. Knightley and I exchange glances, and by the way his red undertone skin deepens, I wonder if he thinks I’m going to say something about their relationship.
I’m not. It’s not my place to pry nor is it my story to infringe upon. I can’t even keep my own relationship from falling to fragments.
“How’s the law firm doing? Lucy says Lorelei occasionally mentions missing it.”
“The firm misses her, that’s for sure. It’s not the same without her organization and attention to detail.” He shoves his hands in his khaki pants, and I’m glad I’m not the only one who didn’t feel the holiday spirit. “I like what you’re doing with this place, Mr. Harper. Each event you host seems to get bigger and better. I know it’s had a wonderful impact on the community.”
Pride swells within me at his praise. “Thank you, Mayor Austen. That means a lot to me. I’m glad I can help and provide for this community in this small capacity. Though you should thank Lucy for the events. She’s the best of the best when it comes to planning. That mind of hers is fascinating.”
He smirks at me and shakes his head. “Women. Once we fall in love, there’s nothing we wouldn’t do or praises we wouldn’t sing for them, am I right?”
I laugh nervously, my chest constricting. “Right. Well, I better go make sure everyone is safe and having a good time. Thanks again for coming.”
We shake hands to say goodbye then I dart away, heading for the men’s restroom in our office quarters.
With every human I dodge in my path, my vision grows fuzzier. The various masks—ghosts, Freddie Kruger, Scream, etc.—are somehow enlarged within my sight, haunting and taunting and torturing me.
Love. Love. Love.
I do love her. But…
Ican’tlove Lucy.
She’s too precious.
I’m too broken.
I burst into the bathroom and cling to the edge of the sink, taking quickened breaths. After a few moments, and I’ve slowed my heart rate down a little, I splash water on my face and scowl at the man in the mirror.
Just who have I become?
“What an amazing night! I can’t believe we pulled that off so well.” Lucy rubs circles on my thigh with her thumb as we drive to my place. I smile softly at her, but I know she can tell something’s up.
It’s the deadline, after all.
And she’s tried her hardest to be the strongest soldier for me tonight. She has smiled hollow smiles, laughed ghostly laughs, and eyed me when she thought I wasn’t looking as if she has a sadness disease that she must keep hidden from me.
It’s no use.
I know the truth of it. I see through her Happy Mask.
I’m the reason she even has to don one.
She needs someone who can say he loves her. A man who will lead her in Christ. I am not him. I can’t even lead myself to Christ. I don’t even know if I believe anymore, but I know I have to figure it out. Everything inside me screams that that is the most important thing at the moment.
We pull into my driveway, and I watch Lucy eye her car with a sense of hopelessness.
I open her door for her, grasp her hand, and walk her toward the door. She follows me inside but doesn’t leave the entryway.
“Would you like something to drink?” I ask, walking towards the kitchen.
“I’m okay, thanks.” Her voice sounds like it’s on the verge of shattering, and I feel like the smallest man who has ever lived for unintentionally stringing her along because I wasn’t brave enough to call it off earlier.
Heck, I still don’t know if I’m brave enough.
Part of me hopes that maybe I could heal alongside her, but another part of me says that it’s no use.
