Silence wraps around us for minutes before he whispers on exhale, “That’s enough for me. Stretch your hand out towards me, please.”
I hesitate for a second but then oblige. I feel around for a moment before my fingers graze his hand. He latches on, holding my fingers because my hand doesn’t quite reach his. Then he must move closer because his fingers thread through mine. The darkness surrounds us, and all of my senses are tuned into the way his hand feels in mine: warm, safe, strong.
“I don’t understand this attraction and feeling, Finley. It usually takes years for me to open up to people. To be comfortable with them touching me.”
He laughs without mirth. “Me either, Leilei. I was instantly drawn to you, and it’s only gotten worse. You. Not your sister. Almost as if God has already ordained this.”
Fate? Is that what he’s speaking of? We weremeantto be together? “Do you believe in soulmates? To be honest, I never have. I believe love is a choice. You can choose to love anyone, right?”
His thumb rubs circles on the back of my hand. “I agree. Love is a choice. And yes, you can choose to love anyone. But don’t you think some people are a little bit easier to love?”
“Yeah, you’re right.” I smile in the darkness, thinking that if my parents had chosen to love anyone else, the world would have missed out on an epic love story. “I think my parents were ordained by God to be together. I’ve never seen a love as pure as theirs.”
“And what if you could experience that love yourself, Lorelei? What would you do for it?”
His question jolts me. WhatwouldI do for it? Would I move for it? Would I gain a title for it? Is that sort of happiness attainable for me?
“I guess if I had that sort of love, I’d do just about anything to keep it.”
“Me too. And Lorelei, I think we could have that. I’m sorry if it’s too forward and not something you wish to entertain right now, but in the name of honesty, I’m falling in love with you.”
His hand gives mine a gentle squeeze as his words toss around inside my head. He’s falling in love with me. Finley Andersson is falling in love withme.Lorelei Raine Spence.
Goodness gracious.
I think I might be falling in like with him. Maybe not love quite yet, but it’d be stupid of me to not admit that I like him. A lot. And what if I can overcome my fears in the span of a couple of months and uproot my life?
Fear trembles in my chest at the thought, and I recognize that itwould be no easy feat to erase it that quickly.
But I…want to?
Yes. That thought is clear and loud.
Iwantto try.
“Finley, I—”
“You don’t have to respond, Lorelei. I don’t expect that from you. Take the time you need to process.”
“Finley… Yes. I want to try this dating thing. With you. I can’t promise that I will be ready to commit to the level you need from me in the matter of a couple of months, but I am willing to try. Is that… okay?”
To my surprise, he laughs. Loud. Though not loud enough to trigger a mental meltdown from me. But still.
“Prisaa Guud!” He winds down, a few lingering chuckles escaping. “Thank you. Yes, that’s all I can hope and ask for. I have tears in my eyes. Sorry. That probably wasn’t manly of me to admit.”
I squeeze his hand. “I think that’s plenty manly. You’ll cry enough for the both of us.” I laugh, hoping he catches that I was joking. He does, and he laughs with me. We talk more about the way my brain functions, the way his operates, and then he tells me about his love of antique cars and how he enjoys fixing them up before we quiet down and begin to drift in and out of sleep, his fingers still grasping mine as if it’s his lifeline.
Or maybe I’m grasping onto him for dear life.
Lucy’s Journal
Saturday, April 3rd * 8:29 p.m. * seas of sadness wreck me as I lie in bed
My sister is camping with my future king-in-law and they do not have cell service which means I can’t text-harass her into all the details. It’s driving me mad! And I could really use the distraction because things aren’t going to work between me and hot PPO Gabriel. No matter how badly I want it to. He is currently in a plane flying around their camping area because Finley demanded he get to do the hike and camping trip truly alone with Lorelei. The PPOs followed him to the location before jumping in a small plane to periodically check on the crown prince. It was at that moment I realized we wouldn’t work. He will have to go back to Korsa, and sure, I could follow, but still. His job would pull him away from me too much, and I know my sensitive soul can’t handle that. So here I lie in seas of sadness over yet another failed attempt at love…. To make matters worse, my boss just texted me. He wants me to plan another read-a-thon at the community center. Ugh, he needs to hire a new event coordinator already and quit using me. I’mjust supposed to be the assistant. That’s what I was hired for. Granted, I do like encouraging the youth of today to read, and the extra pay is nice. Speaking of, if my sister does move to Korsa, how will I afford this place myself? I really need to sell more books. This $300 a month for my books isn’t cutting it. So much to think about, but honestly, I don’t want to right now. I just want to throw the towel in on life and say forget it all. Help me out of this, God. Please. I’m slowly losing motivation to keep going.
Chapter Nineteen
Finley
