I might be a reformed player of sorts, but my impulsivity and lack of patience is still sorely intact. Staring straight ahead at previews playing on the screen, though I couldn’t tell you what they were about, I blurt, “Wanna clue me in, Vroom? I thought things were finally defrosting between us.”
Beside me, Karoline sniffles, and I turn my attention towards her as the big screen darkens. It’s hard to see her expression clearly in the soft glow of the dim lights around the theater. But then, the screen in front of us lights up, and the pain and confusion written on her face ties my stomach into knots.
“I’m sorry I tried to kiss you.” No excuses. Just an apology. I have once again broken my self-made vow to let Karoline set the pace of whatever is going on between us.
She sniffles again and presses underneath her eyes with the tip of her index finger. “It’s okay. I just… Mason, I can’t let myself love you again. It’s easier to keep the walls up. It’s easier to continue to hold your head to the flames for what you did. It’s easier to believe that you couldn’t possibly change.”
Karoline trails off, tears running down her face. I’m stunned silent by her confession because reading into the gray lines of her words, Karoline is screaming that she still loves me. And it seems like she never stopped. How in the world am I supposed to be patient and let her come back around to me when I know she’s already there? When I know she’s refusing to believe me because of the fear locking up her heart?
She shifts her gaze to the screen, which is now showing the opening scene of the comedic action movie we came to watch. “It hurts too much to love you. Just… just let me keep the chains around my heart.”
Without thinking, I lift my fingers to her chin and turn her head towards me. She gasps but doesn’t try to free herself from my grip. Pegging her with sincerity in my eyes, I whisper, “You can guard yourself for now, Karoline, but I won’t let you do that for much longer. Just so you’re aware of my plans, I’m going to bring a wrecking ball to your walls and a key chiseled to fit the chain locks around your heart. I’m not worthy of your love, but Karoline, I’m selfish enough to admit I need it.” I drop my hand and face the film.
We spend the rest of the two-hour long movie in silence, our shoulders inches apart; the heat radiating off her skin mixes with my own, creating a livewire connection that almost has my hair standing on its end. Every glance in Karoline’s direction reveals a woman who is fighting her feelings harder than a soldier on the frontlines of war.
I just want to free her from that battle.
But I have to practice patience… something I’ve never been good at.
Lord, can I selfishly pray for a miracle? For Karoline to drop her guard long enough toseeme?
Chapter Nineteen
Mason - Present
Karoline walks beside me,talking about the movie as we trek a few blocks from the theater to someplace I may regret taking her. The cool night air is refreshing as we walk; it was a good decision to leave the truck parked at the theater.
“Mm, my favorite part was when the…” She animatedly describes a scene in the film where the female main character had to save the male main character from a trap he fell intobecause he didn’t listen to the woman’s advice. Of course that’s the scene that stands out to her; who cares about the scene where the guy confessed his feelings to the woman and she willingly accepted him?
Not Karoline. Because that would be way too easy for her to do.
The woman is making me work for her, but honestly, when I think about it, I don’t think I’d have it any other way. Karoline deserves to be pursued, and she certainly deserves to have someone prove themselves to her.
Hopefully what I have planned for tonight will help her see just how far I’m willing to go to earn her commitment.
“Mason?”
My name on her tongue never gets old. I stop, giving her my full attention. She sparkles under the moonlight as the stars dance in the sky, and suddenly, lyrics begin to form. A counter ballad to “Midnight Mistakes” takes root. “Hm?”
“Are we almost there? I’m starving. It’s 10:30 p.m.” Karoline brings one hand to her stomach while the other fiddles with her hair.
I point to a yellow-lit sign across the street and say a silent prayer that my plan goes accordingly. “Yep. Right there.”
We both swallow at the same time as we stare at the diner in the distance. Now, I know what you’re thinking. Finley the Wise told me not to take Karoline to diners because it would rehash the past. But that is my intention tonight… I want to show her whatshould havehappened three years ago. I want to give her new memories to cling to.
“A… diner?” The tremble of her voice is like a guitar string snapping and popping me in the face.
God, please… Help me get this right.
“If you’re uncomfortable, we can go elsewhere. I just… I figured we should face our past in some semblance since wecan’t go to Dallas Junction right now.” I mean, we could… but I doubt she’d be down for that.
She looks from me to the diner a few times before straightening her shoulders and closing her eyes. I study her face, noticing the worry lines in her forehead and the stout pull of her lips together. But then she nods and says, “You’re right. It’s the last barrier to our friendship. But while we are there, we are only talking about the questions you have regarding the commercial shoot tomorrow, okay?”
Relief floods through me and I crack a smile. I try not to dwell too much on the way she saidfriendshipbecause a win is a win. “Great. Let’s go.”
As we began to cross the street, headlights illuminate the world around me.
No, not headlights…
