He instructs me to squat down, resting an elbow lazily on my outer knee while I shift all my weight to the outstretched leg. He tells me to place my other arm up as if I’m running my fingers through my hair.
“Don’t smile,” he says, then he lays on his stomach, turning my phone upside down into the burgundy sand. “Karoline, stop looking at me with confusion written all over your face. Look away from the camera, don’t smile, and think fierce thoughts. Think about what it would be like to sock me in the jaw or toss me over a cliff, okay?”
Despite myself, I spit laughter. The motion throws me off balance, and I hit my butt with an “oof” then roll on my side.
Within a moment, Mason stands above me, dirt coating the front of his light gray t-shirt, with his hand once again outstretched.
My laughter dies and guilt tugs at my heart again. This time, I take his hand, and he pulls me to my feet.
“See? That wasn’t so bad, was it?” He smirks, and the guilt disappears.
“I have multiple incurable diseases now, I’m sure.” I wipe my hand down on the back of my leggings for show. He laughs and shakes his head, amused, and I turn my back to him.
He laughs harder. “No, but your backside matches that imprint in the ground. And that red dirt looks real nice against your olive green. It’s like you’re my belated Christmas present.”
Heat floods my neck, and after running my feet through a dirt imprint that does resemble my bottom, I face Mason again. “Stop looking at my butt!”
“You turned around. Of course I took my chance to look.” He shrugs with a familiar, boyish grin and spark in his eyes. It’s an expression I’ve seen a thousand times, an expression I once fell in love with. “Oh, and Karoline? Is that a heart-shaped peppermint tattooed at the base of your neck?”
I finger the tattoo I got for my eighteenth birthday because I knew we would always be together, at least as friends. What a stupid mistake…
A flood of emotion overwhelms me and I stand frozen, staring at the man who was once my very best friend and confidant. A man I could freely be myself around without fear of judgment or complaint. I once would have shaken my butt in his face for making such a comment because I knew he wasn’t laughingatme butwithme.
What has he turned me into? Some self-conscious, shallow version of myself who feels like she has to be perfect in order to win his approval? A girl who can’t even take a joke for fear that she’s not measuring up somehow? Then that begs the question why I even want his approval and why I want to measure up to him.
But I know the answer to that…
It’s because the feeling of love never went away, it was only hidden by deep cuts and wounds. The hate I have for Mason is simply scar tissue covering the source of the internal wound.
I still love Mason Kane, and that’s why I can’t fully heal. Loving him is a double-edge sword, piercing straight through my bones and marrow and shattering my soul.
“Karoline?”
Traces of concern fill his voice, and when I meet his gaze, a single tear breaks free of its prison and rolls down my cheek.
“Karoline… It’s time we talked about what happened.”
I only nod, still fighting tears threatening to fall. He leads me to the base of the magnolia and we sit down facing each other.
“This is like old times, isn’t it?” he says, looking up at the tree.
I sniffle. “Just say whatever you need to say, Mason.”
He takes a deep breath, then begins. “I’m sorry. And I need you to know that I truly mean those words. Kissing you that night while I was drunk was a mistake I never intended to make. And then to say what I said to you? Man, Karoline…” He runs a hand through his hair. “You have no idea how those words have haunted me.”
“I think I do,” I bite. “Imagine being on the receiving end.”
“I know. You’re right. They should have haunted me, but I am so sorry they’ve been your ghosts, too. I never should have said those things, and I can say I honestly didn’t mean any of it. I could give you all the reasons they flew unbidden from my mouth, but at the end of the day, there is no excuse good enough to justify it. Karoline, I was an idiot.”
Mason sniffs, tears beginning to tread lightly down his face. My heart stutters at the sight, and I know he’s truly sorry. I’ve known it since I first heard his song “Midnight Mistakes.” I know I have to forgive him.
“Karoline, I can’t believe I did that to you. I knew you liked me, it wasn’t hard to tell. And I was fighting attraction to you all summer long. So when you confessed to me, it felt like I could freely give in. But that was the alcohol talking, and I was still butt-hurt over Cassidy’s rejection. You were there, looking very pretty, and saying things that inflated my ego with each syllable out of your mouth.
“Every time I thought that I could possibly date you or be with you over that summer, I cut it off. You deserved better. You still deserve better. You are one heck of a woman, and you always have been. You’re sweet, kind, and gentle, but you’re also not apushover and know how to fight and stand up for yourself, which I have always admired about you. Karoline,” he rubs his eyes, “I am so sorry for making you think anything less of yourself by my reckless, thoughtless words and actions that night. The kiss… That was real. I’m a natural flirt, and all summer, with each passing day we spent together, I became curious as to how you would taste. But that wasn’t how I was ever supposed to find out.”
I sit there, tears freely falling from my face as I soak in his words. I believe him, but I still have one burning question. “Why did you leave for Nashville the next day and never bother to call or text or stop by or reach out or anything? You just left, Mason.” As I speak those last words, sobs shake my body, and I collapse against the tree. Mason’s arm wraps around my shoulder and he tugs me closely against his chest, using his other hand to run his fingers from my scalp down my tresses.
“I left without saying a word because I was a terrified, selfish, egotistical prick who didn’t have the guts to face you, the one woman I swore I’d never date because I didn’t want to end up hurting you. I couldn’t tell you in person, so I wrote you that song. I’m so sorry, Karoline. Please, find it in your heart to forgive me.”
