My phone buzzes, and I see a text notification from him and his new name in my phone since, unfortunately, I can't forget he exists at the moment. With embarrassment flooding my cheeks at how quickly I swiped to open the text, I read it.
A Cruel Twist of Fate:Wow, okay! Awesome. I’m glad we get to do this. I’ll pick you up from the boutique at seven in the morning? I know you don’t want me to have your address, so will that be okay?
My heart pitter-patters in my chest, and I’m once again flooded with embarrassment. How can I continue to embarrass myselftomyself? It makes zero sense.
Me:Yeah. Fine.
Regardless of my emotions that I have presumably forgotten how to control when it comes to Mason Kane, I must maintain a barrier built out of anger, frustration, and hurt. Which is easy to do considering I very much feel those emotions. My heart and hormones have minds of their own, but my brain knows all too well what kind of man Mason is. And it will not allow me to go back there.
I thought long and hard over his text, and I spent time in prayer, trying desperately to hear the answer I wanted, which was, “Tell Mason Kane just where he can go!” Of course, God did not answer me in that way, but instead, I felt the Holy Spirit guiding me to certain verses, Ephesians 4:32-33:
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
If I’m being honest, I fought the command like the one time I had to face down a Karen who wanted a refund for jewelry clearly marked with a red sign that read “no returns.”
But God, he kissed me without my permission!
But God, he said all of those horrible things to me!
But God, he…The list goes on and on.
Through it all, I remembered that Jesus was hung on a cross by those who despised him, mocked him, and rejected him. Yet, He still prayed for them, asking God the Father to forgive them all.
With assurance that can only come from the Father, I decided I would do the right, Christian thing and hear him out and maybe even accept his apology, but I don’t have to forget about what he did and the things he said. Nope. Never. The Bible says God can forget about our sins and transgressions, but it doesn’t say I have to forget about the sins committed against me.
My phone rings, pulling me from my thoughts.
I smile. “Hey, Mama.”
“Karoline, listen to this…” Mama goes on about a new dish she’s trying to cook. I can hear the clanging of pans and slamming of cabinets in the background. I interject with commentary until she’s done, and then she settles down and recoups. That’s Mama… Always distracted with something. “Oh, what I wanted to call you about is your internship. How’s it going? What did Hadley assign you to do?”
My stomach churns. “It’s going,” I reply. But she pesters me for more information. After I tell her exactly what I’m doing for my internship, she lets out a long breath.
“Well, honey. I think this may be a good thing.”
“Excuse me?”
A pause, and then, “I know he hurt you. But we both know that’s not who Mason is at his core. And we both know a lot can change in the span of three years. He's a Christian now… a true one, not in name only. You know I love that boy like he’s my own son. Just the other day, he sent me…”
As Mama drones on about the things Mason has done for her, how he no longer drinks, how he gave his life to Christ, and so on, I’m stuck wondering why everyone in the world can seem to accept that Mason is a different person but me?
I’m still right where he left me…
“How’s Dad?” I redirect the conversation to my father, who I don’t talk to as often as I should. He’s a perfectly great father, but I’ve always been more of a Mama’s girl. While I know Dad will always be there for me, my mama is my rock.
The tactic works, and I chat with Mama a few more minutes before clicking off and getting ready for bed.
As I wash my face, brush my teeth, and slip into my pajamas, a sinking feeling resonates in my chest.
I might have to forgive Mason Kane tomorrow, but I am not looking forward to it. No one said forgiveness had to be fun.
But hey, if he acts up, I’ll have access to plenty of cliffs to shove him off the edge of.
Thinking cheerful thoughts of Mason plummeting off a cliffside, one that’s just high enough to where he’ll get banged up but won’t die, I drift off to sleep.
After a fitful nightof sleep knowing I would be spending the next day with Mason, I stand in front of Southern Grace Boutique and Gift Market with my hiking backpack at my feet, a water bottle in my hand, and dressed in olive green workout leggings with a matching sports bra and a loose, white halter-style tank top. I also don an oversizedJuniper Grove University sweater at the moment because of the January chill in the air, but once I start the hike and the sun continues to rise, I’ll burn alive with the sweater on. Mississippi isn’t the best place to experience winter, that’s for sure.
I only wore this outfit because it’s a good opportunity to snap some pictures for our boutique’s social media to advertise our workout gear. I didn’t wear it because green is Mason’s favorite color, no sir.
