Lucy snickers. “Nice try, girly pop. But we are talking about you. Besides, the story isn’t a good one. Just the typical girl-meets-cute guy and said cute guy turns out to be a walking red flag. Girl’s previously fantasized dreams are shattered, so she sobs inconsolably over her seriously sucky single life.”
“I feel like we need to talk about that.”
“I feel like we don’t. He was a nobody, but your Mason and your past with him is something worth discussing.”
Lucy is someone I can trust without a doubt. I also think she may be the most understanding of my situation as the woman is a hopeless romantic. At the very least, she’ll rage with me.
Taking a deep breath, I begin.
“Mason and I grew up together. We were neighbors. He lived with his dad and step-mom—his mom passed when he was in eighth grade—in the house next to mine in a small suburban neighborhood in Dallas, and I lived with my parents. Since neither of us had siblings, we naturally bonded together. He went to a local high school while I was homeschooled, so I needed him more than he needed me, I think. We quickly became best friends, nearly inseparable on the weekends and during the summer months. When he went off to college, we’d text constantly and spend most of the breaks together.
“The summer after I graduated high school, he was preparing to enter his junior year of college. But, instead of continuing college, one of his songs that he uploaded to social media went viral. Overnight, he had multiple record companies reaching out to him, and his other songs started climbing the viral ranks.”
“‘Boyfriend Without Benefits’?” Lucy presumes. I nod. Lucy tilts her head for me to continue.
“I was there when he wrote that song, you know? I was behind the camera when he created the video.” For some unknown reason, I find myself fighting the urge to cry.
Lucy’s expression softens. I snuggle Frannie closer, who is being a very good cat right now by tolerating my unabating squeezes.
“Anyway, I obviously fell in love with him at some point during our childhood. He went from being a hero figure in my eyes to someone I wanted to kiss. After I solidified my feelings and knew they weren’t a fluke, I decided to confess. I didn’t have to wait long to see him. He invited me out late one night to a twenty-four hour diner we frequented. This was the night before hissong went viral. We ordered milkshakes—him chocolate and me strawberry—and a basket of fries to share. I mustered up all the confidence I could create and told him how I felt about him… that I loved him.”
After a prolonged pause, Lucy exclaims, “And?!”
“We were in a corner booth in the back, he was sitting across from me though it was a connected bench seat. He slid up next to me and kissed me.”
Lucy howls in victory, and both of the cats arch out of our hands and sprint away. I shift my position, tucking the opposite leg than before under my butt. Telling this story again for the first time in two years isn’t as difficult as I imagined it would be, but I’m just now getting to the most painful part. My stomach clenches, threatening to churn up the enchiladas from earlier.
“Don’t celebrate prematurely,” I warn. Her smile immediately falls.
“What happened?”
“When he slid in beside me, I smelled it on him. Alcohol. And when his lips forcefully overtook mine, I wanted to vomit at the taste of beer mingled with chocolate in his saliva.”
Lucy folds her legs underneath her. “Oof. That’s rough.”
“Tell me about it. I pushed him away and asked him what he thought he was doing. As much as I wanted him, I sure as heck wasn’t going to have him like that. I know my worth, and it wasn’t as low as settling for someone who wanted me only because I wanted him.”
Lucy cheers. “That’s my girl! But what did he say back to you?”
I freeze, willing the words to stay burned away in the metaphorical memory hole I tossed them into. “I don’t want to talk about that, if that’s okay.”
“Of course,” Lucy hurriedly says. “So, was that your first kiss?”
“Yep.” I pop my “P,” a habit I’ve stolen from Hadley. “I don’t know how I didn’t realize he was inebriated beforehand;I chalked it up to the fact that I was nervous about confessing and ruminating over what I would say to him. But there he was, stealing my very first kiss while alcohol laced his brain.”
The memory is potent. I can still smell the soured state of his breath, feel the shiver running down my spine even while sweat trickled down my skin. The way his hands tangled with and yanked my hair as he gripped my face to drag his lips to mine still caused a dull ache in my skull. The dust on the window sill of the back corner booth we occupied, the condensation on the window created by the air conditioned interior to combat the wicked July heat, the low chatter of people around us enjoying life while my world upended… It all felt like yesterday.
“Wow. Men… I swear. They think they can use us for whatever need they want to fill when we express the slightest interest.” Lucy scowls, and I nod in agreement.
“So that’s what happened. And seeing him earlier today for our first of several meetings together was difficult, to say the least. I’m glad Hadley decided to ask you guys to hang out tonight. I needed it more than you know.”
Lucy stands and pulls me to my feet, then she embraces me in a tight, warm hug that has a calming effect on my heightened nerves. As my body relaxes, the tears I had been battling fall freely and continuously, soaking the shoulder of Lucy’s favorite baby pink sweater that reads:Whatever you do or say may end up in a novel.
“Sorry.” I sniffle as I break the hug. I rub my eyes, thankful I took my work makeup off before coming up here tonight. “I guess I didn’t realize how much I needed to talk about it. Hadley was right, talking about it is healing in its own way.”
“I know there’s not much I can do to help, but I’m always a listening ear when you need to let something out. You’re safe with me.” Lucy hugs me again, and I chuckle when she kisses my ear. She’s such a wonderful weirdo sometimes.
“Thanks, Luce. Now, how about we find those scaredy cats of yours, snuggle up with popcorn, and watch a movie?”
