I let her lead and close my eyes.
Our lips brush carefully, and just like that… Hayden releases me and steps away, slipping her hand into mine.
Did I even bother to put my arms around her waist?
My world trips and stumbles as I grasp her dainty hand; I’m a thread in a sweater—nicked and quickly unraveling. I desperately need to get out of the public eye so I can think. So I can fallapart.
I drag Hayden down the aisle to loud cheers and claps, and once we are through the doors, I release her hand and make a beeline for the nearest dressing room.
My breathing becomes erratic, and I slam the door shut behind me and collapse to a seated position against it, pulling my tie loose from my neck. The tiled floor is cool and comforting. Steady. Unmoving. Unchanging.
Too much change has happened at once, and it’s overwhelming. Yes, I asked for it. It’s a needed change, but that doesn’t negate the fact that it’s unnerving and terrifying.
A soft knock at the door, then, “Darcy?”
Instead of answering, sobs rack my body.
“Darcy, let me in.” Hayden’s voice is gentle and understanding.
I scoot away from the door. “Come in,” I manage to say between sobs. She opens the door.
“Hmm. If I ever got married, I definitely wanted to bring my groom to tears, but this isn’t what I had in mind.” She places a hand on top of my shoulder and lowers herself to the ground. “These are tears of regret.”
I sniffle. “Not regret, just… overwhelmed by change.”
“Thanks for being honest with me. It scares me too, you know?”
Sobs continue to pour out of me. I should care; I should be humiliated that Hayden is seeing me in this condition, but when one can’t breathe appropriately, it’s hard to care about the opinions of others.
“Here,” she says, placing both hands on my shoulders and shoving me forward. “Let me get behind you.”
She moves my body with guided nudges as if I am a machine and she is the pilot. I have no clue what she’s doing, but her bare legs end up sprawled on either side of me and I lean back against her chest. Her arms wrap around me in a tight hug, and the scent of sunshine and sweet spice is all-encompassing.
My head rolls back against her shoulder, and she whispers, “I learned this technique from Stella. She had panic attacks, too.” Then, “Breathe. Hold. Release.”
Hayden repeats the commands, and I eventually sync with her. Our chests rise and fall together. Our breaths rush in, we pause, and we release.
We become one.
“Better?”
I nod, feeling much more relaxed. The fog lifts and my thoughts begin to clear.
“Better enough to go out and face the masses ready to congratulate or scrutinize us at our reception?”
My heart quickens again, but I take deep breaths and ground myself back to this moment.
“Do you think we can feign being so in love that we wanted to ditch the party and head back to my—er, our place?”
Hayden laughs and releases me from her arms. “Give me at least thirty minutes to enjoy the food. Then we can sneak away.”
I stand and offer my hand to Hayden. I lift her to her feet and she smooths the satin gown that makes her look like Princess Tiana fromThe Princess and the Frog.“What if I could make you a more delectable dish at home?”
“Hmm. What are you offering?”
I grin. “I make a mean ramen dish. The master himself taught me. I know how you like all things Japanese.”
Hayden’s eyes light up. “You mean Ren?”
