Chapter Five
Hadley
Breathe in, breathe out. You’re okay,I speak to myself.Glacier eyes stare back at me. They know I’m not really okay. My hands remain plastered to the bathroom sink counter as I continue to calm myself down. Not only did Braxton catch me snoozing away in the t-shirt I stole from him while crashing at his place after a wild college night years ago, but he also saw my naked face. Rarely, if ever, have I let Braxton—or anyone—see me without a face covered in creams and powders. Only my two trusted girlfriends.
I suddenly feel eleven years old again, sitting in a lawn chair in front of my mama’s small facial mirror. The memory is embedded in my soul.
“You’re at the age now where you need to learn how to make your face pretty,” Mama told me as she brushed through my blonde, wavy hair. She picked up a jar of creamy beige liquid, dabbed a brush in it, and stroked my face with the brush. “There, just your color. Watch how I do this so you can start doing it on your own. Don’t ever leave this house without your feminine power on full display.” I didn’t understand, but I watched her transform my face. It was like I aged five years because of the concoction of liquids and powders. I was obsessed.
In awe, I asked Mama what she did. “Hadley, baby. I made you into an irresistible woman. You’re only eleven now, but one day, you’ll need to be ready to attract a man that can give you everything your little heart desires and take care of you. This magical stuff will help you do just that.”
I took those words to heart, not realizing the impact such toxic words would have on my developmental years. Rationally, I know that I’m fine and dandy without the cutest clothes, perfect makeup, and flawless hair. But Mama’s words shot back to my memory as Braxton, with deer in the headlights eyes, took me in with my frizzy, tangled hair and bare face. And now, at twenty-seven, I still struggle to allow people—even someone as close to me as Braxton—to see me without my feminine power.
I guess it still wasn’t enough though. Because right when I started to think I could genuinely be myself with a man who wasn’t my best friend, he goes and picks a sleazy redhead to sleep with…just after he spent the evening celebrating six months with me. My heart aches, and I can’t tell if it’s more from the rejection, not feeling good enough, or because I actually miss Daniel.
“This is why I don’t need a man to take care of me, Mama, “ I say aloud to the woman looking back at me in the mirror. “I do well on my own. Better on my own.”
But enough of that childhood trauma because I smell coffee…and eggs?
Transforming my face and straightening my platinum blonde hair, I shrug on my travel clothes—black leggings with a slouchy off-the-shoulder mauve sweater. Even though it’s October, it’s blasted hot in Mississippi. But I am determined to wear my fall wardrobe even if it’s eighty-seven degrees outside. I will look good. I will NOT let myself go because of a stupid playboy man.
I’ll be in my car for the most part, anyways. AC turned up all the way, my friends.
My phone rings with a call from Lorelai.
“Have you left yet? How’s the trip?” she questions after I answer.
“Haven’t left yet. Just finished getting ready.” I laugh, but my inner thoughts berate me for not being ready when Braxton showed up. Why can’t I just wake up and be on time for once? “You know me.”
“I do know you, which means I know you slept in because you’ve had a rough time lately.” Lorelai’s words pierce me. How does she see right through me?
With a sigh, I say, “Yes, it’s been rough. But I’m not going to let it get me down. I planned a fun road trip, and I’ll have much more fun with Brax than I would have with Cheater Daniel.”
“That’s the spirit,” Lorelai states. I vaguely hear the joy in her voice, but that’s because I’ve trained myself to notice the slight inflections of her tone. She’s a true female grump. No, not grumpy, I guess. Just…serious. All the time.
“Mom called. She’s in prison again.” I needed to tell someone. I didn’t want to worry Braxton before this trip.
“Do you want me to check on her?”
“Please. I would appreciate that. I haven’t answered her calls.” My shoulders slump. I should have answered her, bailed her out. But then Braxton and Grandmama’s advice from long ago comes back to me: If I truly love her, I have to help her see truth somehow.
“I understand,” Lorelai says plainly. “I’ll pop by the jail and make sure she’s okay. Don’t fret. She has to learn.”
“I love you, Lor.”
“Ditto,” she says back in her regular voice, but I can hear the affection shining through.
Braxton
Tomysurprise,Hadleyemerges from the bathroom with eight minutes to spare on the alarm I set for thirty minutes. That may be a world record for her, folks. But let me tell you, it was worth the wait. She is a beautiful woman without makeup, as I accidentally learned this morning. But now she looks like the woman I’ve been drooling over for the past twenty years. That one little porcelain shoulder peeking out from her sweater has my stomach in twisted pretzel knots. No wonder the modesty police tell women to keep their shoulders covered.
Who knew a shoulder could shoot tingles up my spine?
“Mmm, where’s the coffee, Brax?” She sniffs, her petite, cute-as-a-button nose up in the air.God help me,I silently pray. I’m a goner.
“You need to ask a little nicer than that, Dawson.” I hold her cup in front of me, giving it a good sniff. “Oh yeah, that’s the stuff.” Her eyes narrow, creating little crinkles in the corners.
“Give me the deliciousness.” She holds a hand out while the other sits on her hip. Her all too curvy hip…
