Nyair turned her over and delivered back strokes that had her clawing at his skin.
“Fuck!” she shouted. Lauren knew this was a distraction from the pain, but she didn’t care. She was grateful for it; she praised him for it. The stamina of this man. Ain’t no way God didn’t want him to use it. Nyair and Lauren fucked for two hours straight and only stopped because Nyair couldn’t rise again for round four. Even then, he didn’t stop. They showered, and he ate her as the water washed the evidence of their indiscretions away.
He climbed from the shower, frowning in concern as he came up behind her while she stared at herself in the mirror. She rubbed her hands together, moisturizing them as she stared at her reflection.
He kissed the back of her shoulder.
“I want to ask if you’re okay, but I know you’re not,” he whispered.
She turned to him and lowered her head to his chest as he enveloped her in a hug.
“It feels like I need you, Ny, and I don’t want to need you. I don’t want to need anybody, but it really feels like I need to fall in love with you to get through this.”
Nyair pulled back slightly and took in her facial expression. He had never heard anyone be so technical about the act. It was like she was ordering a prescription for heartbreak.
“I know,” she cried softly. He didn’t need to tell her that she sounded like the clingy girl or the crazy chick that would key your car for not answering a call.
“You don’t know. Don’t presume to know,” he replied seriously. She could see his deep thoughts like he was writing them down on the lines of his creased forehead.
“If we fall in love, I want it to be because you’re happy. I want it to be because you’ve tried your hardest not to, and you just can’t resist it. I want you to not be able to exist without your thoughts wandering over to me. I don’t want it to be out of desperation, Lauren. Love out of desperation won’t last. It’s mean and aggressive and possessive.”
Her face was in his hands again, and she decided then and there that he might as well cut them off and leave them with her because it was her favorite place to be. Staring in his eyes felt like security. “I want you to love me because God places you here, not because grief forces you. And this…” Nyair blew out a breath ofexasperation. “I’d have to step down from so many things to do this.”
She shut her eyes as her chest rose because he was rejecting her. He was about to take away her one source of relief.
“Why can’t we have both?” she asked, opening her eyes again.
“Because this is lust, Lauren. The way I want this again, this isn’t…”
“So, fall in love with me. It can’t be lust if it’s love,” Lauren reasoned. Or was she unreasonable? She couldn’t tell. All she knew was if she lost one more thing, she would lose it.
Nyair was lost in her stare. If only it was that easy. “You’re beautiful,” he complimented. He sighed. “So damn beautiful.”
“Let’s fall in love, Nyair,” Lauren said.
He pulled her close, holding her like she was a baby. She needed his heartbeat to calm her. Neither knew what they were getting themselves into, but it was too late to turn back. They would have to figure it out along the road to wherever they were going.
Lauren’s landline rang, and she frowned because only a few people had the number. Her mother. Demi and her son’s school. Whenever it rang, she knew it was an emergency.
“I’m sorry. I need to get that,” she said, regretfully breaking up a moment that she could have lived in forever.
She rushed to the nightstand and picked up the phone.
“Hello?”
“You have a call from the Genesee County Jail. To accept this call…”
She pressed pound before the automated voice could even finish because she knew it was Demi. It was the only person it could be. The worst-case scenario ran through her mind.
“Lo, I need you,” he said as the line connected.
“What the hell are you doing in jail?” she asked.
“I just need you to come get me, man. Day ain’t answering and…”
“I’m on my way,” she said. “Is there a bond?”
“Twenty-five hundred, and I can walk out tonight. Bring cash,” Demi said.
