Jesus fucking Christ! What the fuck did I do?
I’d sucked my best friend’s face. My straight best friend’s face.
A knock at the door catapulted me out of bed toward the bathroom. I couldn’t fucking face that man today. Not after what I’d done. Not after everything I’d told him.
“Brock?” he called.
He was right outside the bathroom door, so he must have heard the door close behind me and came on in.
“I’ll be out in a few. I feel like a troll shit in my mouth,” I said.
I heard him chuckle. I flipped on the sink and tub faucet, trying to drown him out. That deep, throaty sound went straight to my fucking cock. RDC Chambers would’ve been proud of Brock Jr., because he stood at attention better than any recruit he’d ever had.
“What the fuck am I going to do?” I whispered.
“Did you say something?” Adam called through the door.
He sounded further away than before, so he must have been walking back to the living room when he heard me whisper.
I stared incredulously at the door. Did the man have superhuman hearing?
I lied, “No. I didn’t say anything.”
I waited, listening. He never moved. Time hung suspended for the longest time. I swore I heard him sigh as a slight rasping sound came through the door, moving in its frame as if Adam had pressed his palm against it. I splashed water in the sink but pretended he wasn’t out there.
Several minutes passed, and then the sound of carpet-softened footsteps drifted back to me before the sound of a door closing softly. I blew out a breath. The blood in my veins felt fizzy, and my brain was just as bad. My fingers tingled. Chaos raged throughout my body, taking my breath.
Panting, trembling, tingling, I became lightheaded and weak. Overwhelmed, my vision swam like I’d been clocked in the head. I braced myself against the sink, holding myself up. My breaths came hard and fast and so fucking short and shallow.
I stayed on my feet through sheer fucking willpower. At least until the black specks in my vision turned to blobs and then a complete blackout. The last thing I saw was my face going white in the mirror until it slipped from view, and I was lights fucking out.
I returned to the land of the living to the sight of Adam kneeling over me. I startled and jumped, pushing myself away from him. His face, which had been furrowed with worry, fell.
“So that’s how you’re going to be? You’re going to act like I’m a fucking leper because I know your secret?” Adam said to me as he dropped to his ass against the bathroom door.
Sweat broke out on my upper lip, and my stomach churned.
I swallowed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Adam’s jaw clenched hard. The muscles popped and jumped as he gritted his teeth. “Bullshit. You fucking kissed me last night, and now you’re freaking the fuck out.”
My gaze dropped to my hands, and that weird fucking feeling started all over again. I didn’t know what a panic attack felt like. I’d never had one, but if they felt like this, I wasn’t a fan of a repeat performance.
I remained stoic, refusing to look at or comment on his outburst.
“Goddammit! Look at me!” Adam yelled.
I looked up at him, shocked. Adam didn’t let his emotions get to him. At least not like that, anyway. “What do you want me to say?” I asked. I was damned if I did. Damned if I didn’t. DADT put a fucking line in the sand. It tied my fucking hands. It dictated what I could and couldn’t say and what I could andcouldn’t do. No matter what, as a gay man, I was fucked in this situation.
“The truth, Rocket. Are you gay?”
I stared at him, wetting my lips. “You could get discharged for asking that question.”
He smirked. “Yep, but you could get discharged for kissing me, and hell, that threesome with Carly would raise eyebrows.”
I huffed a small laugh. “Guess we’re both in the same boat, then.”
Now that I realized his game plan, I wasn’t freaking out so hard.
