“And Gavin, apparently.”
“I don’t fucking know this Gavin guy. He could be a chode dick.”
Declan burst out laughing, pulling my mouth to his. “Jealous you is the most adorable thing ever.”
“Fuck off.”
“No. You’re not pushing me away because the scary emotions are making the big badass Marine piss his pants.”
“As if you’re any better.”
“Papi, I’m well in touch with my feelings. I might have spent the last few years drowning them in alcohol, but I could at least admit I had them.”
I stared at him. There were a few times since we got here that Walker or one of the other Holts had made a comment about liquor, but I brushed it off. Declan drank like a fish when we partied, but there had never been a time when I worried.
“What does that mean?”
Declan sighed and looked around. We were alone in the kitchen, so I didn’t know what or who he was looking for. He moved out of my embrace to the fancy coffee pot the doc and his wife had. The damn thing was smarter than some people, and I hated to admit it I was one of them. I’d yet to make a pot of coffee in the thing that anyone wanted to drink.
Once he got a pot brewing, he pulled out two cups and doctored one the way he liked it, adding a single spoonful of sugar I liked to the other. As soon as there was enough in the pot to fill the cups, he poured it into the mugs before replacing the carafe on the hotplate.
I watched him stir the two cups with the same spoon, first mine then his so not to get any of his bougie shit in my sweetened black coffee. When he finished, he turned, handing me my cup. I raised a brow, and he rolled his eyes.
“Let’s get comfortable. Neither of us will be able to sleep and fucking around doesn’t seem to be on the table at the moment.”
“Not until we know she made it on the plane and you’ve explained what you meant about drowning your feelings in alcohol at the very least.”
We settled into the oversized sectional couch in the family room, facing the massive fireplace with an equally large television hanging over it. However, it looked like an expensive painting unless the television was on. I’d never seen anything like it. I also didn’t see what was wrong with a regular TV, but when you had the kinda money the Holts and the doc had, I guess you could get whatever you wanted. And from the looks of things, Liam’s wife, Elizabeth, had very nice taste. Everything was elegant and screamed money, yet appeared comfortable for a family to live in, not just a showplace.
“Why’re you staring at the television like a tango you’ve got in your cross hairs?”
“Just never seen a TV like that.”
“Yeah, I don’t get what’s wrong with a regular TV.”
“Right?” I laughed. I looked at him sitting next to me, his body angled toward mine. I wanted Declan in my arms; I always had. But I needed to see his face while we talked about where I feared this conversation headed. And then I needed to fess up about my own struggles.
“Up until a few months ago, I’d been drinking. A lot. Enough that the family was worried. And me, too, some days.”
“Some days?”
He nodded. “Yes. Some days.”
His eyes stared down into the mug of coffee. The air conditioning was cool enough to see the steam rising from the cup.
“Cariño?”
“There were mornings I woke up and the first thing I thought about was if there was any whiskey in the house. I’d get scared and pour out anything I found in the house with any alcohol content. I’d dry out for a week or two, but then…”
“Then something reminds you of what a shitty situation you got dealt and zoning out sounds like the best thing on the planet.”
“Hayden?”
Pursing my lips, they twist as I choose my words. “After the accident, I had a lot of issues. Issues I wasn’t sure I wanted to be here to deal with, but I couldn’t bring myself to quit. I was on a bunch of meds, and the benzos numbed me enough that I could almost deal with life, but not quite, so I took more than I should. Angel and Priest realized what I was doing, and they tagged-teamed me in the not-so-fun way.”
“And…”
I sighed, a deep, heavy cleansing breath that felt like I exhaled all the oxygen in my entire body. “And now, when I, or one of them, think something could trigger me to take more than I should, I hand my meds over to Priest. He makes sure I take them as I should.”
