I nodded, crushed I missed out on some of his last hours with me. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
A kiss brushed my lips, and I tried to keep locked in it, but he pulled away, threading his fingers through my hair. “Don’t be. It was one of the best nights of my life.”
“Mine, too.”
“I left the pre-deployment paperwork on the kitchen counter. I’ll meet you back at the apartment after work unless you tell me otherwise.”
I took a deep breath and nodded. “I’ll take care of the paperwork. We have a meeting with the clients from hell at some point today. Based on past experience, it will start anywhere from half an hour to an hour after it’s supposed to. I hope it’s settled before you’re off work, but if not, you could come here, and we could go home together.”
“Sounds good, carinõ. I love you.”
Tears burned my eyes and nose, clogging my throat. “I love you, too. Now get out of here before you make me cry.”
His chin trembled as he leaned in to kiss me again, and I realized he wasn’t faring any better than I was. Our lips pressed together softly, and a shuddered breath I didn’t give permission escaped me as he pulled back.
“I’ll see you this afternoon, mi carinõ,” he said, pulling away and surging to his feet.
He turned and walked away without a backward glance. I couldn’t blame him, nor did I want him to look back, because the moment his back was turned, tears rolled down my face, and I was moments from completely losing it.
I stared at the back of the house, watching where he had disappeared for I don’t know how long. I was still sitting there, my face burning and itchy from dried tears that left my face feeling crusty when my family returned.
I heard their cars pull in and shut off. Then, the doors opened and closed, their voices filling the air. I tried to convince myself to sneak into the side entrance so they wouldn’t find me looking like a depressed mess, but I couldn’t be bothered. I wanted to sit here and wait for his return. I couldn’t, but I wanted to.
The patio doors slid open, and Linc’s voice pierced my solitude. “Dude… isn’t that what you wore last night?” he asked.
A moment later, a thud followed by a grunt, and I knew what happened. Heidi had whacked him in the gut like she had more times than any of us could count, and she whispered, “Shut. Up.”
I looked toward them, unable to meet their gazes because I knew the concerned looks I’d find there, and I knew what little control I had over my emotional state would disintegrate into nothingness. Swallowing, I scrubbed my hands over my face and into my hair several times before standing.
“Nah. He’s right. I’m being ridiculous. Hayden’s a Marine. I knew it when we hooked up, and even though I’m not a fan of the military and all the shit they put their members and families through, I continued pursuing a relationship with him. Now, I’m too far gone to walk away, marriage or not, so I’m gonna need to learn to deal.”
A heavy sigh filled my chest, and I painted what I hoped was a smile on my face, but one look at my cousins told me it was probably closer to a grimace, but oh well.
“Imma get showered and changed.”
I glanced around the backyard, nodding as I left them standing outside. Thankfully, Hayden insisted we clean up last night so I wouldn’t have to deal with it this morning because I didn’t think I could.
After a shower and some food, I took my phone and laptop out to the patio. Before doing anything else, I messaged Hayden.
Declan
I love you, Papi. Have a good day. I’m up, finally, but not in the way I’d like to be.
Not expecting a response at this time of day, I set my phone to the side for the information Cato had sent over. The dude had been working as a white hat hacker for Holt for years. And he was seriously fucking scary when it came to finding out shit people didn’t want to get out.
When I arrived here yesterday, I’d asked him to gather information about Mara Cagot’s parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents. I wanted to know every connection they had in Washington. I didn’t care how insignificant. With her dad, Marcel, the petty, petulant pussy working to defund several Holt projects, projects that would protect our warfighters and my husband, I needed to know where he was weakest.
Several hours later, my blood ran cold, and my stomach turned.
Oh, fuck!
37
HAYDEN
Walking away from him this morning gutted me. The only way I could think to describe it was to compare it to hitting the ground hard and getting the air knocked out of you. To say I wasn’t a fan was a complete understatement.
“Man, you look like crap,” Priest said as I walked onto the parade ground for morning PT.
