We’d not had service on our phones since the plane took off, and my stupid ass didn’t think to give the man my email, or even an address, and he didn’t give me his. So, who the fuck knew when we’d get to speak to one another again. Which meant I got to sit here and worry if he was out screwing around with some fucking Jody while I was stuck on this fucking boat.
“I figured I’d find you here. It’s where you always retreat to when you need space.”
I turned. Lucia stood in the hatch leading onto the weather deck. If you didn’t know her, you wouldn’t know the calm facade was just that—a facade. Underneath the shroud of forced calmness was a hesitance she’d never had in my presence before.
“Hey. Shouldn’t you be asleep?”
“That’s eluded me on this trip.”
“You normally sleep like a baby.”
She sighed and moved closer, stopping before she came as close as she would’ve in the past. Even before we started fucking around, she ignored personal space. This conversation has been a long time coming. I would have had it as soon as things settled down and the recon unit hooked up with the support unit Lucia was in, but she’d gone out of her way to avoid me.
Intent on apologizing, I began, “Lucia…”
“Why him?”
‘I don’t know’ wasn’t the answer she was looking for, but it also wasn’t the question she wanted to ask. “Don’t you mean why not you?”
Her face hardened at the assholish question. “Okay, then. Why not me?”
“If I’m being honest… fuck, if I know. Maybe it’s because he’s a man. Maybe it’s because you’re a woman. Hell, maybe it’s because you knew me before the bitch fucked me over and were there when it happened. I seriously don’t know.”
“What did he do to get you to marry him?”
“Nothing. It was literally a drunken mistake.”
Her face perked up at my words, and I realized how she took them. “At least getting married was, but there’s something between us that neither of us can explain. I won’t say I was drawn to him by some invisible force because that’s so far from the fucking truth. He’s hot as fuck, and I was looking to get laid.”
Reaching for the water bottle I carried out here with me, I guzzled some of it down while I considered what else I could say to let her down as easily as possible. She was a magnificent woman, a damn fine Marine, and sexy as fuck. There wasn’t anything she did or didn’t do. We weren’t meant to be together long-term. I set the bottle down and scrubbed my hands over my face. I needed to get to bed, but settling things with Lucia had to come first.
“Once Declan and I spent some time together, something, what I don’t know, snapped into place. I found myself thinking about him all the fucking time. The week between the night we met and Vegas, we texted every day, back and forth. It wasn’t always something profound. Sometimes it was me bitching about food on the ship, others, it was him bitching about the pampered princess he was protecting. But it wasn’t what we talked about; it was that when something happened, he was the first person I wanted to share it with.”
Her eyes had grown wider and wider as I spoke, filling with tears until they couldn’t hold any more. When the first finally fell, the rest followed, raining down her face. I wasn’t sure if she was even aware, but I was, and it gutted me. I loved her. She was the best friend a person could have, and I fucked it all up getting in bed with her.
“I’m so happy for you, Hayden. You deserve to have that in your life.”
“Luce…”
She dashed the tears from her face, waving me off. “No. You don’t have to explain or apologize. You’ve done that enough. I should’ve put a stop to it ages ago, but I hoped it meant you’d realized I was your person. But I’m not, and I know that.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but she rushed to continue, stopping whatever I was going to say.
“Idoknow it. I just didn’t want to accept it. But I will. I value our friendship too much to let you finding the happiness you deserve with someone else keep us apart.”
“I love you, Luce. You helped me through a dark time, and I can’t thank you enough. I’d offer a hug…”
A small, wistful smile tilted her lips up a smidgen. It had to be the saddest excuse for a smile that ever was.
“Gimme some time.”
“I’ll be here.”
She nodded and turned to head inside. At the hatch, she looked over her shoulder and said, “I heard you had a huge ass box come in.”
My face scrunched up as my head cocked. “What the hell are you talking about? What box?”
She shrugged and headed through the hatch. Curiosity overrode the need for peace and quiet. I stepped through the hatch, and she was waiting there as if she knew I wouldn’t wait to see what the hell she was talking about. I moved through the P-ways down to our department. Instead of breaking off to her berthing compartment, she stayed on my six, and I looked back at her.
