“Then get your shit and get in the car.”
“I can’t leave.”
“Then why are we having this conversation again?”
Once was enough.
“Because you think I don’t want to go with you, and I want you to know I do.”
I walk toward him. The hand not holding my nephew cups Tavish’s cheek. “I dinnae think that. I ken ye want to go with me. I do. I just dinnae ken why ye willnae.”
“I’m needed here, and since we eliminated Samuel, there’s nothing forcing me to stay away. I swore if I ever got away from him and the Order, I’d do everything in my power to bring them down and everyone like them.”
“And I get that, Tavish, I do. What ye and the Society do is important. Necessary. But I still dinnae ken why ye arenae going with me? Ye worked from the study at the castle the whole time ye were there.”
“I just can’t. I need to be here.”
I nod, tipping his chin up toward mine. “Ye dinnae need to be. Ye want to be. And as much as I hate it, I will respect yer wishes. But ye need to ken this… I am yers, Tavish. I always will be. There will always be a place for ye by my side. In my bed. As my boy. There will be nae anyone else.”
I dip down to kiss him, careful to nae jostle the baby. The soft, sweet touch of his lips against mine is heaven on earth. One I will soon be without. Most likely forever. So I savor it, falling into him and the way he makes me feel.
How does he do it? How can he make me feel strong and weak all at once?
I dinnae ken the answer, but he makes me feel like a king and a beggar all at the same time. Our tongues twist and turntogether until he’s moaning, and I’m hard as a rock. I want to shove him against the wall, bury myself inside him until neither o’ us gives a fuck iffn we have an audience or how many marks we’ve left on the other. And my boy gives as good as he gets. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve had to doctor scratches and bite marks he’s left on me after doctoring the marks I’ve left on him.
Forgetting everything but him, I step toward him, pushing him to back up. When he comes to a stop, my knee slides between his thighs and I press into him. The wall behind him presses into my knee painfully. Tavish wrenches his mouth from mine, crying out “Daddy” as he gasps for breath.
A squawk sounds between us, and Tavish’s eyes round just as I feel mine do the same. We look down in unison, and I realize I lost all sense when I kissed him. Squashed between us, Dillon looks up at me with Maeve’s beautiful eyes. The eyes she inherited from our mother.
“Fuck,” I growl.
I step away from Tavish, and glance at the clock that stands in the hall. Noticing the time, I say one last time, “Come with me, min kara. I want you by my side.”
“That’s where I want to be. It’s just not where I can be.”
His chin trembles, and the tears that have huddled in his eyes, threatening to fall, finally do. I ken his answer before he even opens his mouth as soft sobs rumble through his chest, screwing his face up as he struggles against what he believes he must do, and what he actually wants to do.
Unable to listen to him refuse me again, I brush the tears from his face. I catalog his features as I try my best to commit his face to memory.
The clock chimes, and my time’s up. I must leave now. Brushing my lips against his, I tell him once more what I’ve known since before pulling him from the van during that ill-planned mission. Probably, iffn I’m honest with myself, since he straddled my lap all those months ago.
“I love ye, Tavish. Remember that, lilla du. When ye’re ready, I’ll be waiting.”
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
TAVISH
Draven walks out the door,and I collapse in devastation. I push away everyone who tries to help me up. I don’t know how long I sit there with my back to the wall, staring at the door he and Dillion disappeared through, but I finally pull myself up, make my way downstairs, and lock myself in my rooms.
Days later, there’s a knock at the door. I check the camera feeds. I’m not up to talking with anyone. I’ve ignored and avoided everyone since Draven left. Anyone who persisted received a message that told them to go the fuck away. This person, though, won’t be so easy to deter.
I unlock the door from my computer and she strides in. As usual, Everly looks like she could walk a runway compared to me. As I follow her gaze around the room, I take in the destruction left over from Draven’s rampage after learning what happened to Simon.
Everly sighs, pulling a chair close to mine. She sits at a right angle to me and stares at the side of my face. I wait and wait, but so does she.
Finally, she says, “Tav, you deserve happiness. We all do. I won’t deny you your happily ever after. Especially not when I’ve found it for myself.”
Tears prick my already burny, scratchy, sand-filled eyes. I refuse to have another crying meltdown. And I definitely am done letting my misery be entertainment for all those around me.
