The doctor left, and Isolde felt as though she was drowning. It hit her all at once that she’d always hoped deep in her heart that her father would change his ways.
That someday, he would come to his senses and become the man she remembered very dimly from her early days. The one who had laughed and scooped her up in his arms. The one he had been before her mother had died.
What a foolish hope, she thought. He hadn’t been that man for most of her life, for so long that she could barely remember that person. And yet, she had been waiting for him to come back – to be a father to her again. And now, he likely never would. He may not see the dawn tomorrow, and she would be without a father, really and truly.
Thomas and Cornelia crept into the room. Cornelia was crying quietly, and Thomas only leant down to hug her silently. She hugged him back, then got up and hugged Cornelia.
“The two of you should get some sleep,” she said, taking both their hands.
“Izzy, we won’t leave you!” Cornelia protested.
“Don’t be silly,” she said, putting on a brave face. “There’s no reason for all of us to lose sleep. I’ll send for you if he gets worse. Please,” she said, seeing the stubbornness on Thomas’s face. “I’ll feel better if I know you’re resting.”
They begrudgingly let her usher them into the hallway, with Thomas making her promise she would wake him if she got too tired. She returned to her father’s bedside, overwhelmed by her thoughts. She pushed them all away and let herself sink into numbness.
She didn’t know how much later it was when there was a soft knock on the door. She slowly got up and went to open it. Thaddeus was on the other side.
“Miss Fairchild,” he said quietly. “I would speak with you, but I don’t wish to disturb your father. Can you come out for a moment?”
She nodded, almost on instinct. All the drama with Thaddeus seemed far away at the moment.
“I’m sorry for bothering you, and I shall make this quick. I only wanted to ease your mind about Lord Crowley. Henry told me what happened, and he’s been sent away. He’ll never set foot in Hartington again, I assure you. And also …” Thaddeus hesitated, but pressed on, “I know it’s a delicate matter, especially at the given moment, but I wanted to be sure you weren’t worried about any of your father’s debts. I already told Thomas, I shall sort them out. And when your father is better, we shall speak of what we might do about his gambling habit. Not now, of course. Now, you should just stay with him. I only wanted to …” He seemed to search for the right words. “I hoped to bring you some small comfort, in this moment.”
Isolde stared up at him, barely registering his words but thinking that he was so kind to want to comfort her. She wished she felt comforted.
“How is your father?” he asked gently. And she tried to tell him, but it felt impossible to say aloud, that he was hanging in the balance between life and death, that by tomorrow she might be an orphan. Her mouth refused the words, and so she just stared up at Thaddeus’s kind face and began to cry.
Thaddeus immediately wrapped her up in his arms, and the warmth of his embrace seemed to give her permission to fall apart, so she buried her face into his chest and sobbed. She felt a terrible ache in her heart, yet somehow, crying like this in his arms made her feel less hopeless.
He held her for a long time, until she stopped crying and then longer still. She wondered if he would hold her until she asked him to stop. She never wanted to ask him to stop.
Somewhere far away, in another of the guest room hallways, a woman laughed, and the moment was shattered. Isolde remembered everything that was going on, every obstacle that had come between them.
She thought of all those times she’d seen Lady Bradshaw come out of his room, and she wondered if he’d ever heldherlike this.
She pulled away from Thaddeus, and after a moment, he loosened his embrace, like he was reluctant to let her go.
“Why?” she finally was able to ask, and Thaddeus frowned.
“Why what, sweetheart?” he asked.
“Why are you here with me, like this? I know you’ve been spending time with Lady Bradshaw. I know everyone sees her as the better match for you.”
A tormented expression crossed Thaddeus’s face.
“Miss Fairchild –”
“You needn’t explain,” Isolde said, taking another step back. “This was the plan all along. I would find someone else. And you would be free to find someone, too. I did not expect you to find them while we were still engaged, but clearly you have. So why are you here with me?”
Thaddeus looked miserable.
“Miss Fairchild, please … You have misunderstood completely. And I can hardly blame you. In fact, it is only I who is to blame. I should have tried harder to be sure we had time alone. I should have spoken more clearly of my feelings. That night in my room, I should have insisted on telling you everything right then.”
Isolde stared up at him, her heart beating wildly. She wanted to believe him that she’d misunderstood. She wanted to throw herself back into his arms. He was looking at her with such tenderness, such affection, and she wanted more than anything to accept it, to fall into it.
But doubts still whispered in her mind, and she suddenly felt she couldn’t be sure of anything. Her father was ill; her family was near ruin – what sort of man would want a woman like that?
A woman whose whole life was falling apart, who could barely take care of her own small family, let alone a huge estate like Hartington? He said she had misunderstood, but hadn’t sheseen Lady Bradshaw basically take over as mistress of the house with her own eyes?
