“It was something my father and I joked about. We never meant it, for my mother is highly intelligent, but we would tell her that we had ‘dukely matters of the utmost importance’ to tend to, even if it was a paper that had nothing to do with our dukedom, which it more often than not was.
We read by candlelight, and that night when my mother came in, we did our little routine and then I left a few minutes later. I was tired, in truth, and my mother often did come in at the right time.”
“Mothers always seem to know, don’t they?”
“More than we give credit for,” he sighed. “I fell asleep, but after what seemed like not much time at all, I awoke once more. My walls were peeling, and there was this strange smell… burning…”
Suddenly, it all began to make sense.
“My father had continued reading that night, until his body gave in, and he fell asleep at his desk. He knocked the candle onto the floor. He couldn’t have known that it would brush against thecurtain, setting it alight. He couldn’t have known about anything that would transpire.”
Jackie had a hand to her mouth, imagining it all clearly.
“Did he…?”
“No, thankfully. I found my mother, and she had already escorted the staff out and exited into the gardens, but my father had not been so fortunate. He was still in the study when I got out, and the only thing in my mind was that I was not ready to lose him yet. I ran back inside.”
“That must have been so painful. You were so brave to do that.”
“We both sustained burns, but admittedly my condition was worse. Somehow, even though the fire had started in the study, it did not touch his desk for a good while, and so the only real trouble came when we tried to leave. He was a shorter man in his later years, and so I was able to cover his body with my own. He had some marks across his back, but nothing that he couldn’t recover from.”
“He must have been so grateful to you.”
“He was, until the day he died. Other people were sympathetic at first, but soon enough they gave up on me. I cannot say that I blame them. After all, no one would choose to be around such agloomy person. The only exception was Lucien. He was the only one to truly care enough to stay with me.”
“And now I am here.”
“And now you are here, even though I am a shell of the man I once was and cannot give you what you deserve.”
“I like to think that I deserve happiness, and you have thus far given me that.”
“But I wish to give you more. I want to travel with you, so that you can do everything that you wish to.”
“Well, you can do that. You simply have to find the courage to do so. I believe we both do.”
“You make everything sound so simple.”
“Because I like to think that things are. If you want something, you have to do what is necessary for it. There is no questioning that.”
“Do you ever regret it?” he asked. “Giving up your life to take over your household?”
“No more than you regret saving your father,” she explained. “It was never a question for me; they needed me, and so I was there and did what was necessary. That is what happened for you, is it not?”
“It was precisely that.”
“And so there are no regrets,” she smiled. “Things are the way that they are, and clinging to something we once wanted is not going to change that. I might never see the Americas, but I know that I have enough in my life without all of that. Besides, what if I did go, and I discovered that I loathed it entirely? It would have been a waste. I suppose, in that sense, I truly do not care that I might never have that dream.”
“All the same, perhaps we can start again? We can make new dreams and chase them, no matter what happens.”
Jackie liked the sound of that. She hadn’t truly believed she could attain any dreams since losing her mother, but the duke seemed so sure of himself that she could not help but believe in it.
She held out a hand as though they were making some sort of business transaction, and he laughed and shook it. She looked into his eyes, and couldn’t help but notice that there was something more there. There was attraction, of course, but something even more than that. She could feel how much hehad meant his words. It was a pact, but more than that it was a promise, and she intended to keep it.
“I am going to find my happiness,” she said firmly. “I am capable of doing so, and nobody can stop me. That is my new dream.”
“And I am going to be the man I was before, except perhaps a little wiser. I will not attempt to become my father, but be my own man. I will be and do everything that I have ever wanted.”
They both nodded, and there was that strange feeling that the duke had been stirring within her for a while now. She wished that she could put a name to it, but she could not. All that she knew was that she liked him a great deal, and something within her was telling her that it was, in truth, more than that.
