She seemed to think for a moment.
“I suppose so,” she sighed. “It is only that, well, I knew that my sister would fall in love eventually. She is a lovely lady, and a pretty one too, and so it is no surprise that she has made a match, but I feel so betrayed. I should have had a part in it all, surely? Instead, she has fallen in love to the extent that she has been willing to marry me off to a stranger and I have been none the wiser.”
“You did say that she had been acting strangely.”
“I thought she might have been tempting scandal, not all of this!”
“Ah. In any case, you are here now, and under no obligation to even like me if you do not wish.”
“Yes, which makes this even more difficult,” she confessed.
“Should it not make it easier?”
“No. If I had no choice, then I could call it a noble sacrifice that had been out of my hands. Being given the choice, however, means that I must still do the right thing and still have to shoulder the responsibility for it.”
“I had not thought of it in that way. In that sense, I suppose that I haven't truly given you a choice at all. It is either your family, or your freedom, and I can tell already which you would choose.”
“Every single time, without hesitation,” she affirmed.
“Which is admirable, though I must admit that I pity you. You did not deserve any of this.”
“On the contrary, I have needed exactly this. It will enable my family to return to prosperity, and my sister can marry the man she loves. I have dreamed of being able to help them, and now I can. I can only thank you for it.”
She truly wasgood. He had not expected someone like her to come into his life, and yet now that she was here, he did not want her to leave. In another sense, a larger one at that, he simply wanted her to be happy, and it was impossible for her to feel that way as his wife. He could not do that to her.
“What if there was another way?” He asked suddenly.
“There is not, Your Grace.”
Philip turned away completely, in thought.
“But there is,” he continued. “What if I were to put an end to the arrangement, but I will still help your father pay his debts and give your sister a dowry. I do not know the figure your father had in mind, as we are yet to discuss the finer details, but I am sure I can afford such a measure even without the wife to balance that.”
“That is too much to ask, Your Grace.”
“You are not asking, I am giving it to you. Consider it an apology for…”
They had not yet discussed their very first meeting. He did not know how to talk to her about it, for he was ashamed of it and did not know how to tell her that without seeming pathetic.
“For inviting you here without telling you personally what it was for,” he finished. “It would be no small feat, if it is what you want.”
He felt her brush his arm, and he jolted, taking several steps back.
Having had his back toward her, speaking, he had not sensed her approaching him until she was touching the scars on his arm. He had not been touched for a very long time, not even by his mother, as he had made a point of telling people not to do so. It no longer hurt to touch his scars, but he hated the reminder that they were there.
“My apologies, Your Grace,” she explained quickly. “I tend to find it easier to talk to people when I am closer to them. I understand that you do not wish to remove your mask, and I shall not look too closely at you, but I cannot spend my life several feet from you.”
“Well, I shall admit that I am quite embarrassed to have jumped at a touch, but it is not out of anything other than surprise. I assure you, you have done nothing wrong.”
“Good, because, well… I do not want to put an end to this arrangement as yet.”
Her words did not seem to settle in his mind. He had thought that she would take the easy out that he was offering and run out of there faster than any carriage could take her, yet here she was offering to stay.
“Are you quite sure?”
“Certainly. I do not deal in charity. Whether I knew it or not, I have given my word to try and see this through, and so that is what I intend to do. I want to at least enter into a courtship, and come to know you more, and if we then decide that it is not right, then we can discuss other options. For now, however, I am happy to spend some time with you.”
She was incredibly sweet. He knew the truth; that she was only saying it for her family’s sake, as it would be far harder for him to refuse if they were married. but she seemed so sincere that he wished it was not so. For a fleeting moment, he thought of how it would feel to have a lady truly feel like that for him, like he was worth knowing, but he soon came to his senses.
