“Mother, ever since my failed seasons you have been distant with me. Now you say that it does not matter if I am wed but your actions speak loudly.” Gemma struggled to speak through her frayed emotions.
“That is not true I. Oh my dear girl,” her mother said and rushed to Gemma to embrace her. Her mother’s love and compassion made her lose the last of her resolve. Gemma felt hot tears steam down her cheeks as she held onto her mother.
“My dear, you will always be my little girl no matter how old you get. I am so so sorry that I seemed distant, I never meant to be. I felt such a failure with you that I found it difficult to look you in the eyes,” her mother explained as she still embraced her.
Her mother moved away only to wipe away Gemma’s tears. She looked at her mother with a watery smile. “I miss this,” Gemma said before fresh tears came. Gemma noticed that her mother’s eyes were not completely dry either and she was happy that the caring, loving mother was not gone. She neededthe woman she used to tell every detail of her life to again. She needed her sage advice and her compassion.
“Are we going on this trip to take me further away from Lothar?” Gemma had to ask.
“In a way, yes. Though it is getting cold quickly this year,” her mother replied.
“I understand. It is just that we had agreed to stay this year, and the crops need constant minding,” Gemma pleaded her case.
“I know you want to stay, dear but I also know it has little to do with the crops.”
“Does it matter if it does, mother?” Gemma asked.
“You will come with us on our family vacation and that is the end of it. If Lothar does love you and can be trusted being left to his own devices, then he should be waiting for you in the spring when you return.” Her mother said as she moved away and gave Gemma one last embrace before she left to return into the house.
Gemma stood there feeling more confused than when she had started the conversation with her mother. They had just shared a loving moment only to have her inform her of what was expected of her and then as usual, expecting it to be done.
She knew that was the way with parents, but she wondered when she might be able to choose for herself. She could not possibly go away for three to six months without seeing Lothar, especially not in the way things had been left between them.
I may come back to find that there is no us anymore!Gemma thought with despair. Lothar would not dare even look at another woman if he knew Gemma was his, she was sure if it. However he was now under the impression that she was interested in another man. He may take it upon himself to give up on their courtship or even worse, on them. Gemma wanted to write to him but thought about the last time she had sent him a letter and the trouble it had caused.
I must let him know where I am and where he can find me. Gemma thought as she decided to leave her walk for the day and write that letter after all. Gemma hurriedly made her way to her sleeping quarters and sat at her writing desk.
She heard the bell being rung for breakfast and knew that her time was running out. Gemma’s hand shook as she got her ink well and quill ready to use. She started the first letter only to mess ink all over the words and now had to clean up the mess before it ruined her wooden desk. Gemma felt close to tears again as she moped up the mess as best as she could. She took a fresh piece of paper out and started again.
Dear Lothar
I am not sure how pleased you will be hearing from me. I implore you to please hear my side of things.
At the very least read what I have to say before you turn away from me. You see the gentleman you had seen me with was a guest that I did not invite, and his advances were even less welcomed. In fact if you had not arrived when you had that night, I fear that something unseemly would have occurred.
My family wish to embark on their annual vacation. One that will last the duration of winter and will mean that we will return only in the spring. I do not think that I can be such a long duration without you and hope that I can see you before we leave.
We will start our voyage on the ferry and will travel closer to the tropics. I enclose the exact locations of where we shall be staying for a few days or weeks each and pray you will come find me.
Yours,
Gemma
Gemma wrote down all the islands they were to stay on and the estimated dates they would arrive and embark from again. Gemma knew it was highly unlikely that he would find heror even come looking for her. She knew he cared deeply for her, but no man had ever gone quite that far for her.
Gemma sealed the letter and rushed to find a servant that could get the letter to Lothar as soon as was possible. Gemma then made her way to the breakfast table where her tardiness was put down to her disappointment at leaving Lothar behind.
“Good morning.” Gemma greeted her family as she entered the dining hall. They all greeted her back in chorus. Her parents looked at her as she sat down and then gave each other a look only they understood. Gemma caught it and suspected that a lecture was imminent.
Instead they ate breakfast in silence which was odd for a family who spoke so much to one another that their food often got cold before they could enjoy it.
“Right. I would like everyone to be packed and ready within an hour. We must leave at nine if we are to make the ferry in time,” her father announced as he got up to leave the room. Gemma surmised that he was off to make his last-minute preparations for their family vacation. Gemma would usually be bursting with excitement on the day they were to leave every year. Today she only felt lackluster and a sense of dread.
Gemma smiled knowing that Lothar might read her letter and forgive her and that they may stand a chance when spring came around. She would be so pleased if he would write back to her while she was away. Gemma dragged her feet as shemade her way to her sleeping quarters. Ashley was already busy packing the clothing, personal care items and her writing material into her luggage.
“Good morning, Ashley. Hard at work I see,” Gemma said, trying to sound less burdened than she was.
“Good morning, My Lady. Is it not exciting to get away from this horrid cold?” Ashley asked.
