She keeps thinking of a future that does not have us together. Can she not understand how little any other woman means to me compared to her.Lothar thought and wished he had the words to let her know how he felt. He had told Henny how much he loved her, and it had caused him years of torture.
I had waited patiently. I had loved without return, cared without being cared for.Lothar thought and willed the words to leave his mind and be spoken, they would not no matter how hard he tried.
Coward!Lothar thought with disgust. He had always been the type of man to stand up for what was right. He had run into a group of men who had ganged upon one to rob him. Lothar had not recognized the man or known if he would wina fight but, the man had needed help, and he could not stand by while someone was in need. It was something he admired in Gemma. He had encountered few people that thought the way he did. She was a rare jewel indeed.
“My Lady you are very kind. Especially in light of how Henrietta treated you. I do not agree. I do not believe that my feelings for her will ever return.”
“Anger is a very powerful emotion, Your Grace. It usually indicates other strong feelings. In other words your anger means you still have feelings for her,” Gemma said. Lothar wondered if the sound of disappointment in her voice was real or if it was his desperation for it in be true.
“I was angry because of the way she treated you and your mother, My Lady. I do not think that you fully understand. I have seen actions in her that I was blind to. Now that I have seen them, they cannot be unseen. I shall never again feel for her anything close to my previous devotion,” Lothar said.
“I am just trying to help, Your Grace.” Gemma said.
“I know. Please just give me a fair chance, My Lady,” Lothar pleaded.
“I am, Your Grace. You did win two more months fairly,” Gemma said with a smile that did not reach her eyes.
“Be that as it may, My Lady. I am firmly under the impression that you have already doomed our relationship to end with no chance of marriage,” Lothar said gently.
“I know how I feel, Your Grace. I do not want to mislead you,” Gemma replied.
“There is a vast difference between misleading and not being willing to give something a real chance.” He did not want to push Gemma, but he needed to be as clear about how he felt as was possible.
“Then I shall endeavor to give our courtship achance,as you say, Your Grace.” This time her smile was genuine.
“It is settled then. Now, My sisters have been waiting to meet you, My Lady.”
“We should not keep them waiting, Your Grace,” Gemma said as he led her to where his sisters usually liked to pass their time, the gaming area.
When they entered the room the two girls ran to Gemma. Lothar was touched by how much Gemma looked to match their excitement.
“Miss Castwell, as you know from earlier, I’m Charlotte and this is my younger sister Colette. We look forward to gettingto know you better.” Charlotte said, and they both beamed at her.
“I cannot tell you how pleased I am to hear you say that. Lothar is so proud of the both of you.” Gemma replied.
“We have been equally excited to meet you, Miss Castwell. My brother tells me you are a writer, a real writer. Would it be too forward to ask your advice?” Charlotte asked.
“Not at all Charlotte and please do call me Gemma. Colette, what are your interests?” Gemma asked ensuring his younger sister was part of the conversation. Lothar watched as the three women went to sit and chat. If he did not know any better, he would have sworn they were old friends who had not seen each other in a long while. Not being a direct part of the conversation, he found his mind wondering. His thoughts went to the night she had been so afraid.
She had trusted me enough to show her real feelings. More than that, she had held onto me for protection. She had shown that she has a vulnerable side.Lothar thought and could not deny how good it had felt to have her in his arms.
She is the first woman I can hold in my arms without fear of hurting her. She is made for me I know it. I will not give up on us even if she has. I will show her how good we could be together,Lothar vowed as he watched how well Gemma was getting along with his sisters.
It had never been like that with Henny. She had not even tried to get to know them, and they had not liked her very much. With Gemma they laughed, and the conversation flowed. He could hear his name being mentioned occasionally but could not focus on hearing what was said.
I may fix things with Henny as it is wrong to leave things as they are. She will have to understand that our time has passed. I may have wanted to marry her and all it would have taken was for her to say yes. Now I would not marry her if she begged. Gemma will be my wife, she is the woman who showed me what real love looked like. Unselfish, caring, nurturing, all the things I know now Henny cannot be.
He vividly remembered how Gemma had felt in his arms. He remembered how she had held on tightly to him, her scent one that haunted him until he saw her again. It was not that alone. She had a refreshing view on life and how things are done. She thinks of others and is the one person who should think highly of herself, but yet does not. To be so unaware of how beautiful she was inside and, on the outside, was intoxicating.
Chapter 19
Gemma was about to make her excuses to leave. It was poor manners to visit too long even at invitation.
“Your Grace, as much as I have enjoyed being here today, I do think it is time to take my mother home,” Gemma said and heard the disappointment in her own voice.
“My Lady, please can I see you soon. A tea, a promenade, even if you come to my estate to give further advice. Allow me the honor of spending time with you.” Lothar said it all with such charm that Gemma found it impossible to sayno.
“I will help in a few weeks with harvesting, Your Grace, I can also get you a good stall at the market. For now, I would like to invite you to tea the day after tomorrow.” Gemma replied.
