“My Lady, I know I may not have all that much to offer you but, all I have will be yours. Together I know you and I could build something amazing,” Lothar replied, quite earnestly.
Lothar waited for Gemma to respond. The moment seemed to last for hours. Every second that ticked by made Lothar’s heart beat harder against his ribs.
“And what will happen if the baroness decides she wants to be your wife after all?” Gemma asked.
“It is too late for that now. I have come to realize that what little there is between she and I will never become more than what it is and will also not be enough,” Lothar said, and though he had not thought about it or said so, he found that it was true.
“If all you desire from our union is to secure funds to aid your estate, why do you not seek a loan? My father would loan you the money. The bank may even be able to help. Your Grace, I must say this. You knew I was not seeking marriage, yet you went against my wishes.”
“My Lady, I assure you that was never my intention. I did not mean to upset you. The truth is I had hoped that I could change your mind. You see it is not just funding I require. I want a wife, a companion. My Lady, where most of the men my age have several children and have settled down long ago, I am still alone.”
He felt terrible for upsetting her and had not meant to come across as selfish. He had found himself so enamored by her that any money he would receive would simply be an added extra.
“Loneliness is not reason enough to go against what I clearly said I did not want, Your Grace,” Gemma said. All the hurt he had caused was plain to see in her eyes.
“I am so sorry, My Lady. I truly do value your wishes,” he replied.
“I find that hard to believe, Your Grace. As I have said, I do not want to be married, and I shall not give up my writing to keep you company,” Gemma stated.
“I shall not ask you to stop something you enjoy. My sister has a duty with our family name. As my wife you will not be expected to do the same,” Lothar replied.
He had held onto something that had been a farce, a fantasy he had created to help him when he had been rejected by her time after time. He had even managed to convince himself that they had stood a chance when she had married someone else.
I should have let go of Henny long ago. I have spent years waiting for her and now I might have paid the one price I am not willing to pay. I will not lose Gemma to an idea of how Henny and I could be.Lothar thought.
“I apologize, Your Grace. I do not think that I agree with you. I do not believe we are a good match at all. You will not allow your sister to publish her poetry. You will no doubt insist that I abandon my career as a writer to be your wife,” Gemma said, looking more upset than she had moments before.
I am not getting through to her,Lothar thought with dismay.
“Good morning, Your Grace. Please, do excuse me,” Gemma said, and was about to get into her carriage when Lothar moved forward. His feet seemed to move on their own. His hand moved to reach out for hers. He had thought he had missed her hand, but she stopped and turned towards him.
Lothar did not know what to say. He moved closer to Gemma and gazed into her eyes. He bent head down to hers and placed the lightest kiss on her cheek.
“Please, My Lady. Let me show you I can be a good husband to you,” Lothar whispered. He saw something flash in her eyes though it happened too quickly to discern.
“How do you intend on doing that?” Gemma whispered back.
“Let us start afresh and I will spend every moment we are together earning your trust,” Lothar vowed.
Gemma moved back and Lothar’s heart dropped.
“I shall have to give it some thought,” Gemma replied.
“I shall come by tomorrow to hear your answer,” Lothar said. Gemma nodded and turned to get into her waiting carriage. Lothar stood there and watched as the carriage rode away.
I have to do better, or she will leave, and, on that occasion, I shall not see her again.Lothar chastised himself.
He went back to say goodbye to Henny. He did not tell her that after what she had done, it would be the very last time hewould come when she called. He did not think it would matter to her. He bid her farewell and felt light as a feather as he made his way to his carriage. He knew his mother would be outraged that he had gone to town to see Henny. He also knew she would be happier to hear that he still stood a chance with Gemma.
Lothar arrived home to find that Henny had sent word that she wanted him to come to tea the following day. The footman had looked astounded when he had said that he sent his regrets that he would not be able to join her.
He could only imagine what her reaction would be. He had thought he had known her only to learn that she was not at all how he thought of her. He did not know if she had always disregarded him or had she only done so today. He was now glad that she had. He would now be free to enjoy a full relationship with a woman and not one built on hope.
That is if she decides to allow the opportunity.Lothar reminded himself.I have to make sure that she gives me a chance, I will not give up until she does. I would not have to make it up to Gemma if I had not been such a fool with Henny. Enough! No more about Henny.She was a difficult lesson from the past, whereas Gemma was his bright future.
Flowers and sweets will not be enough,Lothar thought as he went in search of his mother. He found her looking through their pantry.
“Good morning, mother,” Lothar said when he had found her.
