“Do not be so quick to anger, Lothar. You have been so good to me, and you know how much I care about you,” Henny said, in a smooth voice.
She has probably realized that I have not stood for her rudeness and is now trying to calm me down. It is most certainly not working.
All it is doing is serving to enrage me more,Lothar thought as he watched her performance. For years he had thought it was just a matter of time before she would realize she wanted him as much as he wanted her. He had also believed that she was a good person. Now it had taken as little as a conversation with her friends to finally see her without his love for her blinding him.
“Yes Henny, I am fully aware of how good I have been to you. In my opinion too good. I have indeed been following your call like a hound but that is over now,” Lothar declared and felt as though a giant weight had fallen from his shoulders.
“What are you saying Lothar?” Henny asked. Suspicion shining in her eyes.
“I am trying to put this as delicately as possible, Henny. I cannot follow you for the rest of our lives. If you have any feelings for me, even in the slightest, then you would let me be happy,” Lothar replied gently. He knew himself well enough to know he could not continue with this, even if Gemma did not want him, he had to stand up for himself.
“Lothar why? Why all of a sudden? Is it that Castwell woman? I feel ill,” Henny said and pretended to faint. Lothar knew it was an act as she made sure tofaintcarefully and not hurt herself. She had also done this multiple times when she had wanted to manipulate him. Lothar had seen the horror of a woman fainting and not being caught in time.
His grandmother had spells when she had been alive. She would fall to the floor without a moment’s notice, often sustaining terrible injuries to her head and face. Watching Henny put on a show and disgrace those who suffer from such infliction was the final salt rubbed into his wounds that he was convinced would never heal.
Nevertheless, he caught her and helped her into a nearby chair. Without thinking about it, he held her hand to comfort her but promised himself that he would leave as soon as she decided she had recovered.
Chapter 11
Gemma had been thinking of Lothar with guilt since he had come over for tea. She had longed to speak to him the way they had before this had all become a sordid situation.
Why did he have to be like all the others?Perhaps he was not and truly wanted to do the best he could? Gemma thought as she condemned and then defended him. She would not even allow herself to be mean to him in her head.
Gemma had been relieved when she and Ashley had been sent by her mother to find fabric for the upcoming winter season. There would be many invitations to events, and one could absolutely not be seen in the same ensemble twice, it would spark scandal amongst those in the right circles.
“I like this one, but the fabric seems rather thin for winter,” Gemma said to Ashley as she felt the fabric on a nearby roll.
“I must agree though is it not gorgeous, My Lady?” Ashley said with reverence.
“It does look beautiful in the light. I wonder if I were to put another fabric under it?” Gemma replied.
“That is such a clever idea, My Lady,” Ashley replied as she took the roll of fabric to the front of the shop for measurements.
Gemma looked around the haberdasheries to see what fabric would catch her eye next when she set eyes on Lothar. Gemma blinked a few times to be sure her mind was not playing tricks on her.
It really is him! And he is surrounded by women no less! He has two sisters but there are three women with him.Gemma thought with disgust.At least one of those women is not a relation. Especially judging the tentative way he is holding her hand, confirms my conclusion.
Gemma felt jealousy bubble in her stomach and dismissed it as anger. She watched as he caught her. It had appeared as though she had fainted. He helped her into a chair and hung on her every word as he held onto her hand. How his face was pale, and he wore a frown that looked the picture of concern.
Why is he after marriage with me when he is so obviously besotted with this woman. If I look at her attire, she has no shortage of funds. Her clothing and shoes are of the highest quality.
Gemma decided it would be better not to confront him right now. It might cause an unpleasant scene that ignitedrumors. It was not that Gemma was as worried what was thought of her, she had a responsibility towards her family to carry their name with dignity.
Did this woman’s family not expect the same of her?Gemma thought as she tore her eyes away from Lothar and the company he kept.
The wretch! Does he think he would marry me to get a hold of my money and then think he would keep other woman’s company? I shall not speak to him again. The nerve!
Gemma looked for Ashley, trying to give her attention to the task she had been given.
I am here for fabric, not to flirt wherever I go.Gemma could not help her thoughts returning to Lothar.Perhaps they are his family. He spoke of his family with such love when he had walked into the stationers. Perhaps the woman he seemed clung to was a cousin or a sister he had not mentioned?Gemma thought as she tried to still see the man she had met. The man she had thought he was.
Then he had seemed shy and withdrawn. Gemma wondered if it was not merely an act to make her part of his collection of admirers. She had felt pity for him when she had heard of the unrequited love he suffered with. Only to see that he seemed to be the one breaking hearts.
Gemma felt both hurt and annoyed to think she was just another in his collection to him.
Well, that does do the trick dispersing with the guilt I had felt.Gemma thought with less relief than she thought she should have felt. Though she had acted differently, her feelings were not as easily changed.
It had tormented her to be anyone other than who she was. Not only that but he had seemed to like her too. Now she knew that truly nobody could be trusted. She had known that fact before, yet, she had found a glimmer of hope in meeting him, or so she had thought.
