“Perhaps then, Your Grace, she would be interested in getting her work published? I find it very rewarding to know my writing is being read by a number of people,” Gemma said, forgetting to be as boring as possible and getting wrapped up in her enthusiasm for one of her greatest passions.
“I do not think that is a good idea, My Lady,” Lothar replied.
“Why ever not, Your Grace?” Gemma asked.
“Well, My Lady. Her poetry is very good but having it published will give her ideas of having a career instead of what she should be focusing on,” Lothar explained.
“And what is it she should be focusing on?” Gemma asked feeling anger prickle down her spine at the answer she was almost convinced she would get.
“Marriage of course. She needs to focus on being a good wife and mother. Poetry is a hobby and should stay that way,” Lothar replied.
Gemma felt as though she wanted to strike him, knock some common sense into the man.
I can never marry this man! He stands for everything I stand against and will never allow me to be myself! I will not give up the things I love to have a husband. I will never marry you Lothar Howard!
Chapter 10
Lothar had no idea why he had lied to Gemma. He thought a woman should be able to do as she pleased and that there was more to being a woman than just being a wife and a mother. Something inside him felt confused and he was at a loss as to how to deal with it. He had been haunted by the woman he had met at Mr. and Mrs. Baker’s shop. She had been so open and unique that without knowing it, his heart had already called out to hers.
Now as he sat next to her, he felt more as though he was mourning the loss of her.
Or had she not existed at all to begin with?
“I find that I have more energy in the winter even though I do not enjoy the cold,” Lothar said, trying to find her somewhere in the small talk.
“I agree,” Gemma replied as she had for the last ten questions.
If she says of course one more time I shall have to leave before I lose my temper. Should I ask her why she might be upset? Would that not start an argument?
Then his mother’s words came to him.
Listen to her…ask her how she feels.
Lothar thought of how to ask her and realized he had little experience when it came to speaking about feelings and emotions.
She agrees with everything I say. Perhaps I said what I had said to try to get her to respond like the woman I thought I had met. I cannot just sit here any longer playing this game,Lothar thought, and started to get up from his seat.
“Please excuse me, My Lady,” Lothar said as he glanced at his pocket watch. I have been here rather long and must go,” Lothar said, as he watched her expression. He wanted to see at least the faintest glimmer of disappointment in her eyes.
He did not see anything that gave him a reason to stay.
“Do you have to leave, Your Grace,” Gemma replied.
Lothar looked at Gemma for a moment. It seemed almost as though she did want him here after all.
“It is not that I want to, My Lady,” Lothar replied.
“I will call again, My Lady. That is if you wish to see me again. Lothar asked.
“I do, Your Grace,” Gemma replied.
Lothar smiled at her and then took his leave. He did not want to stay too long as it was only his first official visit since he had started a courtship with her.
“Then I shall be here in two days at noon again,” Lothar said.
“At noon then, Your Grace,” Gemma replied with the first smile that had seemed genuine.
Perhaps she is simply at the mercy of her nerves. In time she may feel at ease enough to be who she really is.Lothar still held on to the person he thought she had been. It was not that she was suddenly unappealing, it was that he was unsure how to communicate with this Gemma. The woman he thought he had met had been easy to speak with and had a mind of her own. Today she had been the opposite.
