“Very well, My Lord, if that is how you want it to be. I’ll tell uncle that we are to carry on with keeping our betrothal a secret for now,” she replied, her tone seeming preoccupied and distant.
He felt his breathing ease. He’s been aware of a racing fear, coursing through his body, tightening his muscles as he expected their betrothal might end. He remembered his resistance, when Olivia’s uncle had insisted he make the proposal. He’d felt pushed into a corner, and determined not to be forced into making an offer due to circumstances beyond their control.
Marriage was for life. There had to be love, passion and desire. He’d never believed in the coldness of those formal, arranged marriages where enough of love might follow to make the arrangement tolerable.
The irony was that he hadn’t realized the depth of the connection, that pure, flowing love between them, because he had been angry about the gossipmonger forcing the path to marriage. The scandal was irrelevant, he’d already been on this pathway to a lifelong love with Olivia.
Sitting in the drawing room he’d felt true fear that the engagement might end. The situation might have changed, now that Olivia was rich. Overnight she had become a catch of the season for every eligible bachelor in town. Yet they wereengaged, and he determined that they would stay engaged. He knew that moment in the woodland where he had proposed to his Cendrillon and she had accepted was filled with love and desire on both parts.
The evening had not gone as he hoped. He’d thought there would be happy, shared planning of their new life together. Instead, a continued secret betrothal, and he felt relief that they were still bound together in that formal arrangement.
As long as the engagement continued, they could spend time together most days, and he had to believe that with continued contact the feelings between them would only strengthen.
For a few minutes he’d thought Olivia might walk away from him that very day. As long as they were engaged there was a chance that they would marry, and he knew now with certainty that this was what he wanted more than anything else.
As they walked back to Hargrove House, he shared with Colin how the evening had not gone as planned.
“I felt I was honor bound to give her the option to choose elsewhere,” Marcus confided.
“I see your reasoning, but I’ve also watched you and Lady Olivia together. There is a spark between you. You both seem to come alive in each other’s company. I truly believe this will come right in the end,” Colin reassured him.
“We said we would talk again in a week's time. Until then I need to stand back while Olivia is surrounded by simpering suitors who ostracized her before she became rich. Now her disfigurement is irrelevant.”
“An agonizing wait,” agreed Colin.
“And your proposal to Lady Jocelyn?”
“I’ve given her every indication that my intentions are honorable, and I’ll propose as soon as a suitable time and place arises,” confirmed Colin.
“Shall we go for a swim in the Serpentine?” suggested Marcus. “Sometimes it’s the only thing that revives my mood. If I can feel cool, cold water covering my head and body and swim across the lake it might help me shake off this mood.”
“It’s always been your way of getting rid of anger. That and galloping across the heath at a furious pace. I wish I had your stamina.”
“We’re trained as gentlemen to keep our feelings in check, under tight control, but today I knew I was near to letting my true feelings show. I wanted to take each and every suitor by the scruff of the neck and eject them from that drawing room.” He took a sharp inward breath. “Especially that obnoxious SirJonathan Ellington. He reminds me of a weasel, you don’t notice them until there is carnage in the chicken coop.”
“Well, I could do with some fresh air and a swim myself. Let’s return and collect James, he’ll appreciate a dip in this heat.”
Marcus was determined to carry on, and forget about the turmoil and thoughts spinning around in his mind. He would continue to meet Olivia whenever possible and hope the connection that he knew was strong between them would continue to strengthen.
A dip in the icy water of the Serpentine lake seemed the right way to end the day.
Chapter 21
Olivia found her way back to the moonlit terrace and garden later that evening, Marguerite, sensing her mood, stayed close by her side.
Since the night of the tragedy at Silverton she had determined to be strong and keep going. She’d focused on supporting Jocelyn, knowing her niece had lost both parents in horrific circumstances.
Olivia often told herself to put one foot in front of the other, keep walking and you will get there eventually. It often worked as a strategy for coping. She’d learned the importance of distracting herself from melancholy thoughts, circling in her mind. She missed riding across the heathland. Riding in London rarely took her above a canter, and she usually needed to keep her horse at a walking pace.
Sometimes she just wanted to tear off her skirts and run, so she could feel the air against her face and sense the breeze blowing around her body. As a child she’d loved running through the forest at Silverton Hall, without the encumbrance of petticoats.
She reached out and lifted the tiny spaniel onto her lap. If Ellen her saw her then she would no doubt be admonished, yet the little dog loved being close to people, and tonight she needed closeness and someone to talk with. Her thoughts were too tumultuous to talk with Marianne or Jocelyn. She didn’t evenknow if her impressions were right. Perhaps she had imagined Marcus’ coldness.
Since her engagement, Olivia had felt a quiet contentment. A still, small place of calm inside her had given her confidence and optimism for the future.
She was engaged to be married, and it might be a marriage of convenience, forced upon her by the gossipmongers, but in her heart, she knew there was no man she would rather marry than Marcus. She still did not quite understand the feelings she experienced when close to him, but the connection was strong, exciting, and strangely comforting… all at the same time.
Once they had become engaged, she had relaxed with a feeling of intense relief and happiness.
