Chapter 13
Olivia’s head was in a whirl, thoughts and feelings waltzing around her mind in circles. Was this real or had some of it been a dream?
The despair she felt when she heard the gossip circulating around the ballroom. When she had run out of the room she had been determined to hide away and never return to society again. However, within an hour, her horizons had changed again.
Lord Hatfield, Marcus, had listened so intently to her story. Others had said similar things to her in the past, but somehow hearing him say the words had a profound impact.
Had he really held her close and told her that she was beautiful? He clearly remembered that day in the woodland glade, and she’d believed him when he told her that she had haunted his thoughts since that day.
We danced, we waltzed, and I know he wants to see me again soon. He makes me laugh too. That’s so important in life. I’m not sure Jonathan ever made me laugh about anything. How strange to think of that now?
The sheets felt cool against her skin as she climbed into bed in her room at Maybury Crescent.
I’m exhausted,she thought, snuggling down under the comforter, glad of the hot brick which warmed the bed.
I feel lighter too, as though a heavy weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I’ve been carrying a weight around since the fire, never relaxing and always feeling anxious. Uncle Harold hasn’t helped. He seemed so kind tonight, but that was unusual.
Olivia pulled the eiderdown around her, feeling warm and cozy, and ready for sleep. It was almost six o’clock, and in a few hours, she would be rising again. She would spend the day with her friend and Jocelyn, and not see Uncle Harold again till the next day.
She fell asleep. No dreams. Only a refreshing, reviving, deep sleep.
***
Dear Journal,
Today I woke with a sense of excitement and realized that it was optimism for the future. Something changed yesterday. I thought there was no hope of love, marriage, or ever having a child of my own. I thought I would be happy to be a maiden aunt to Jocelyn and Marianne’s children, but I do want that chance of a family of my own.
I thought it would happen with Jonathan, but he left me. I know now that yes, he did abandon me when I needed him most.
Last night Marcus, (can I call him Marcus now?) showed me such care and consideration when he listened. He looked at me with those gentle, brown eyes and I knew he cared.
I’m not speaking of love. I hardly dare hope for love. No, what I mean is that when he looked at me, scars and all, he did not flinch away. I believed him when he said that he didn’t notice the disfigurement.
Where will this go? I don’t know and can’t predict. I am going to take each day at a time, each moment at a time. But the difference is that I have hope in the future.
Until next time,
Olivia
Olivia put down her quill pen and felt the puckered scar tissue. Today she felt strong, there were no tears, and she knew things had changed.
Ellen joined her to help her dress. “Ellen – I didn’t expect to see you this morning,” Olivia said in surprise. “Have you had any sleep?”
“A little My Lady, but I’m fine. After the ball, Mrs. Jennings and Mr. Parker arranged breakfast for all the household staff. The house is almost back to normal. No one would know that the last guests left only four hours ago.”
“Well, I’ll be glad of your help in dressing my hair.”
“I talked to Lady Leighton’s French maid yesterday, and she showed me all the new styles from Paris. I have an idea for how I can twist your hair a little differently at the sides.”
“I’m in your hands Ellen,” Olivia said, laughing.
Ellen laid out a pearly gray silk dress on the bed.
“I don’t recognize that dress, Ellen,” Olivia commented.
“It’s one of the new ones, My Lady. Lady Leighton insisted you had several for your season in London.”
“Oh dear, I don’t think Uncle Harold will be pleased to find that out.”
